Need ideas & responses for behaviors

[hot_mama819]

Im working on figuring out some good responses for some behavior that has been a problem in our family... So I would like to have your input & ideas on what you think would work or has worked. My childrens ages are 7 & 4 1/2

These are the behaviors:

*Yelling & being way too loud

*Wasting food

*Being distructive to other peoples property

*Sharing

*respect

*interrupting

*entitlment

*bad manners

I apprishiate your help! Thank you!

 

[TweenAndTwinMom]

My little ones are only 3, but here's some ideas and some things we've tried in our home:

*Yelling & being way too loud - "Mommy's ear don't like that noise....or Mommy would be happier without that noise.  Would you please play more quietly?" If the noise doesn't lessen significantly and stay lessened, then say,"Feel free to make that noise in your room.  You can come back when you are ready to play quietly."

*Wasting food - First be sure you are giving them small portions.  If you don't mind giving out sweets you can say, "I only give dessert to kids who finish their dinner (or eat well)."  Even a very small piece of candy qualifies as dessert at our house.   If they have a favorite meal (say pizza), you can make Pizza and then serve them what they have left from the previous meal.  Then tell them that you know they love pizza and they can have some as soon as they finish their______ from the previous meal.

*Being distructive to other peoples property - "It's so sad you destroyed sister's book.  What are you going to do to make this right?  Would you like to give sister your doll or would you like to empty your piggy bank to buy sister a new book?"

*Sharing - Modeling the behavior, making a big deal about it, and praising when it happens is very helpful.  If one child doesn't want to take turns with a specific toy, then that child might not be allowed to play with it at all for a while.  If they are basically fighting over something, then I usually take whatever it is away from both of them and say, "It's so sad you can't share the_______.  Now it must go away so it won't be a problem."  If a certain thing is always a problem I take it for a long time and every time they ask for it I say, "Oh, I know you love playing with the ______, but Mommy can't be sure you can share it nicely.  Maybe when I feel like you are doing better with sharing I'll get it back out for you."

*respect - Modeling respectful behavior is a big part of this.  You can sometimes surprise them with rewards when they are respectful.  This works particularly well if one is being respectful and one isn't.  I have found that if one of my kids gets a treat and the other gets, "I know you love going to the park.  It is so sad you don't get to go, but I only take kids who are being respectful to me."  The one who didn't get a reward is stuck at home with Daddy while I take the other one to the park, and if I think the point needs to be even more clear I make sure we come back from the park with a special treat.  This has a huge impact on the child that didn't get to go.

*interrupting - "Uh Oh, Mommy wasn't finished talking.  Why don't you go wait in your room until I'm done."

*entitlment - "Oh sweetie, I know you want the ______, but I'm not buying it today."  If the child whines or demands they get nothing, but on a day when they behave really well and don't expect anything I may buy them a treat or surprise.  You need to make sure that they don't get a surprise or treat every time you go somewhere and they don't get immediate results at home every time they ask...except when the request is super polite and grateful.  I think letting them earn some things can help too, because when they realize they get things they work for their attitude changes.  If they want something maybe offer them ways they can earn it for themselves.

*bad manners - If my kids don't ask for things nicely then I say, "I know."  I've already told them I don't get things for people who don't ask nicely and without whining, so until I hear them ask nicely I don't get it for them.  If they don't say excuse me when appropriate I ask them to leave the table as we only allow well-mannered people to eat with us.

[JensPlace]

Awesome ideas! I have two about the same age 4 y.o. and 6.5 y.o. and have run across some of the same things! Thanks!

[HaileysMom07180]

Our dd wastes food.  We make sure that if she is going to waste the food, that she is going to be the one to scrape her own plate into the trash.  We has also told her that as long as she is wasting food, we are going to only give her a couple bites worth of food at a time.  She knows that she can always have more if she finishes it, that way, we aren't wasting more food.  We have also made it very clear that we are not going to let her have anything to eat after dinner if she doesn't eat, but if she does she can have a snack that she enjoys.  When she hasn't eaten and starts asking for food, we simply ask "Did you eat your dinner or scrape it in the trash?"  She usually has one of two responses. "I did eat my dinner" or "ok.  I'll wait till tomorrow."  Yes she is still wasting food, but it seems less and less the more we stick to it.

 

As far as manners, I've told her that manners open our ears so we can listen.  If she's being rude, my ears are closed and I won't listen, respond or do what she wants.  It only took a few days for her to start using manners most of the time.  Occasionally my dh will see me ignoring her and just give her a little reminder by saying "do you remember how to open mommy's ears?"