My son has been melting down several times a day lately. Over stupid stuff. Tonight he was demanding a second snack, and we told him no. So he goes into a meltdown. He starts yelling he wants a different family, and that just call the police on him, and put him in a grave. He's 10! Well I guess I was just stressed out, the put me in a grave comment upset me and I slapped him. I now I should not have, and I instintly regretted it. He started to cry and asked why I did that. I hugged him and tried to calm him down. I don't know exactly why all of a sudden I did that. It breaks my heart when he says these things and now I feel like shit for my reaction. I feel like a horrible mom, I feel like I just abused my child and I should rot in hell. I am not looking for sympathy, Lord knows I don't deserve it. I just needed to get my feelings out somewhere where people don't really know me. I truely hate myself at the moment and can just imagine the cops coming for me.
You are not a bad mom! We all have times when we snap. I spanked my 5 yr old son (aspergers) and I never spank. He was throwing a fit over having to go to bed and he was hitting me, kicking me and telling me that he loved me as he was doing it. I think that's what got to me- the saying"i love you mommy" as he's purposely hurting me. I'm sure your son is alot like mine. After he snaps out of it, he appologizes over and over and tells me how much he loves me. I really don't think he means to hurt me or anyone else, he honestly just cant' control it right now. As hard as it is, we have to try to remember that they really don't want to have the meltdowns, they just don't know any different yet. I hope it'll get better for the both of us!
I hope it gets better too.......I just worry that he will tell someone I smacked him and they will come and take my kids away. I know that sounds selfish. I just feel so terrible and so sad, and mad at myself. I laid down with him and hugged him as he slept. I know he does not mean what he says, when he's upset. I hate feeling like this. I have no one to talk to. My husband just sits there.
Quoting BeccaGK:You are not a bad mom! We all have times when we snap. I spanked my 5 yr old son (aspergers) and I never spank. He was throwing a fit over having to go to bed and he was hitting me, kicking me and telling me that he loved me as he was doing it. I think that's what got to me- the saying"i love you mommy" as he's purposely hurting me. I'm sure your son is alot like mine. After he snaps out of it, he appologizes over and over and tells me how much he loves me. I really don't think he means to hurt me or anyone else, he honestly just cant' control it right now. As hard as it is, we have to try to remember that they really don't want to have the meltdowns, they just don't know any different yet. I hope it'll get better for the both of us!
They will not take your son away. He has to know that you didn't mean what you did just like he didn't mean what he did. And you have lots of people to talk to - like me! I always say that I wish I could spend one day in his head to see what he feels and why he has his meltdowns. I just want to understand because he can't really tell me and it breaks my heart to know that he is trying so hard to be good and he just can't do everything every one wants him to do.
Quoting BeccaGK:
They will not take your son away. He has to know that you didn't mean what you did just like he didn't mean what he did. And you have lots of people to talk to - like me! I always say that I wish I could spend one day in his head to see what he feels and why he has his meltdowns. I just want to understand because he can't really tell me and it breaks my heart to know that he is trying so hard to be good and he just can't do everything every one wants him to do.
You are NOT a bad mom. I totally agree with BeccaGK. I would also like to see what my son feels and why he has meltdowns...he's 9 and doesn't tell us much. Maybe you're son is starting puberty already.
I just want you ladies to know how much your comments mean to me....I too wish I could get his head to see what he is thinking and feelnig.
Quoting isotoner:
Quoting BeccaGK:
They will not take your son away. He has to know that you didn't mean what you did just like he didn't mean what he did. And you have lots of people to talk to - like me! I always say that I wish I could spend one day in his head to see what he feels and why he has his meltdowns. I just want to understand because he can't really tell me and it breaks my heart to know that he is trying so hard to be good and he just can't do everything every one wants him to do.
You are NOT a bad mom. I totally agree with BeccaGK. I would also like to see what my son feels and why he has meltdowns...he's 9 and doesn't tell us much. Maybe you're son is starting puberty already.
Wouldn't that make it so much easier to know how to help them. My sons 5 and I try to figure out whay causes certain meltdowns but I just can't. Some are pretty obvious (like the pencil stabbing incident) but others just come out of no where and they seem to be so random. I try to ask him and all he says is that he just couldn't control it.
Feel free to message me any time you need to talk. That's why we are all here, for the support of people who can understand what we are going thru and how we feel!
Thanks, i am pretty sure his meltdown was more of the tantrum kind. He was not getting his way and just got mad. But he is better now. I still feel like crap, but I can change what I did.
Quoting BeccaGK:Wouldn't that make it so much easier to know how to help them. My sons 5 and I try to figure out whay causes certain meltdowns but I just can't. Some are pretty obvious (like the pencil stabbing incident) but others just come out of no where and they seem to be so random. I try to ask him and all he says is that he just couldn't control it.
Feel free to message me any time you need to talk. That's why we are all here, for the support of people who can understand what we are going thru and how we feel!
I think that sometimes our kids need us to do something alittle crazy to get thru to them. When I did spank him, he knew that I was serious and he stopped immediately because I very, very rarely spank. He had been fighting me on going to bed. I tried to just pick him up and put him back in because they had worked in the past. It went on for at least a half hour of me getting beaten up before I finally spanked him and yelled at him to stop. He needed to understand that it wasn't a game. The fact that you we feel bad when we have to resort to that proves that we are not bad parents. If we were, we would be hitting them and yelling at them constantly and not feeling bad at all. You got his attention and kept him from hurting himself or someone else. And I'm sure that he wasn't hurt by what you did, just stunned.
Awwh sweetie we all loss are cool , We have the hardest job in the world , constant battle field with are lives' in trying to do everything for them , constant care & overload , why were called warrior mamas ok .... We have all lost are cool every now & then .. Please don' t keep beating yourself up over what u did , Again I repeat what we do daily in trying to understand ,cope,the stress were under 24/7 can't expect to not loss it every now and again .... No your not a bad mama !!!! let it go the last thing you need is to feel bad about it and then he going to pick up on the sympathy you feel and try to gain more outburst , sounds crazy but it true ok .. You lost your cool , nobody on here one time or another hasn't done the same thing ok ... Mighty hugs for you & loves .... breath no that you can't go to jail there no way shape or form ..... WE HAVE A VERY HARD LIFE TAKEN CARE OF ARE KIDS' SO BE GENTAL WITH YOU OK ... Give yourself a break your only human ... we all make mistakes its' not going to harm him for life ..... Let us no how your doing ok .... huge hugs honey ..............
Aww, hugs to you momma, yes, please don't beat yourself up!! We momma's go through so much, day in and day out...take some deep breaths, it will all be ok...Like mommyjanice said, we all have days that are hard and so many of us will loose our cools every now and again....no one is perfect....we all stand together us special needs, autism mom's....we are all mother warriors!! Sending big hugs to you!!!!!
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autism
- kansasmom1978
on Jan. 28, 2012 at 10:44 PM