Recently found out my son may be Autistic

[Kris084]

I want to thank you all. I have been reading through many of your posts. Some brought tears to my eyes, while other posts made me smile, and maybe have even brought along a laugh or two. 

My name is Kristen, and I have 3 children. My youngest is 20 months old, and we found out a few months ago that they think he is Autistic. (looking towards PDD) ... I have learned alot, but still know very little. It broke my heart the day I was told that Mikey might be autistic. We always knew he was a little different from the moment he started sitting up. He spent his nights rocking back and forth slowly getting worse. He now spends his nights rocking back and forth, and banging his head against the side of his bed. He does this numerous times a night, only staying asleep for an hour or so at a time. Then we will hear the movement, and his little voice humming. Everything that I thought was normal apperantly is not normal. I shouldn't say "Not normal" Because it is normal for him. And it seems every couple of weeks, there is something new, that is concidered not normal, and gears more towards being autistic. I accepted this well at first, but it seems this week after fidning out that even the way he eats is not okay, has made things a little harder for me. We can't give him a plate of food at once because he will shove as much food as he possibly can in his mouth, and then will get angry and begin rocking, and head banging because he cannot fit every ounce of food in his mouth at once. So, instead we have to give him small peices but even with small peices he will shove his entire fist in his mouth and to make up for the food that he doesnt have to put in his mouth at once. I thought he had great speech skills until they told me that its repetitive and he does not understand the words he is using, he is just repeating what we are saying. He can repeat any word we say!!! He doesnt follow direction at all, and alot of the time he appears as if he cant hear anything we say. We had to get his hearing checked a while ago because he doesnt answer to his name. Although, he has progressed a whole lot there! He does answer to his name here and there. I always thought it was selective hearing. Maybe he knew it was time for a diaper change, and was choosing to ignore me because he didn't want to be interupted. I honestly had a reason for everything he does. Until the doctor caught me off gaurd on the hand flapping. I told her he was just excited and it was his way of showing it. Well, I guess that is why he does flap his arms, and is another "Red Flag" of Autism. And then there is the head banging on the floor when he gets angry. He has started getting very aggresive with his sisters when he gets angry. Yesterday, he somehow got his 4 year old sister up against the wall, and started hitting her, and pulling her hair. She asked me why he did not get in trouble, and get a time out for hurting her. I dont even know how to explain it. My answer is that he is a baby, and he doesnt understand yet. She hasnt spoken or played with him in 24 hours. So shes very angry with him. He wouldnt sit in a time out, and honestly, he wouldnt even understand what he did. And the worst of all of this is, I am so badly craving for my little boy to give me the hugs and kisses that my girls gave me as babies. He doesnt like to be held, and if we pick him up without him WANTING to be picked up, he will slam his head into ours as hard as he can. He does give hugs, and kisses but its on his terms, and very rare. If he gets hurt (Trips or gets angry over something) He will not allow us to console him. Its kills me that when my son hurts his knee, or head, he wont allow me to hug him, and make it better. He wont lay with me and watch tv, or cuddle us. I havent felt any bond with him since the day we stopped breastfeeding. He looked to me for food, and that was it. Recently though, he has been a little more lovable. But its on his terms, and lasts for seconds before hes off and ready to move onto the next toy. Any information anyone could share with me would be wonderful. Any ways i can help him feel more comfortable. We have our evaluation in a few weeks. I know they will give me a ton of information. But, even his Speech Therapist and Phsyical Therpist have not given me alot of the information that I have found online and who better than moms who know what my baby is going through and is going to go through. 

[MommyJanice44]

Early intervention will help him with a lot of his behaviors' , The food issues' is so many of are kiddo's have rot gut frome the start , bad tummy's his sounds like it is in need of something to calm it this might be his way of telling you his stoamch hurts him , probiotics work wonders for so many of are kiddo's , I so understand with each word i read my Kyle has been there done all of thess above ok , It can be helped in time , for now your experiencing the first stages of the symptoms of autism .... Bless your heart , keep getting the professionls to help the behaviorist to come in & show ya how to help him . So many times they grow out of behaviors' lucky us it moves onto another kind ......... Just don't let him put the food or fist in his mouth just calmly take it out and say no hands , no food little bits , over and over and over repeat the same words hard to do but there listening skills are scrabbled in hearing what were saying when your talking to them at this age ..... They hear bits of what your saying that is why very few words at first work ......... OK ............. BABY STEPS You will be ok in holding him someday he will be alright , keep thinking positive hold your head hi ......... HARD JOB WE HAVE ... I AM SENDING YOU MY STRENGTH .. AND CARE .. MY arm is hurt so can't type anymore but will get back to you on this okay .. hugs  

[MommyJanice44]

I been thinking about you seeing how your doing , there is a post about Ten Things every child with autism would like you to no !! it's right above 4 or 5 up it's a good read it I no will help you .. Keeping u and your little man in my thoughts you hang in there let us no how ur doing please how he is too k ... ty 

[melissarose72]

Hugs to you & your family. My son was evaluated for autism at 15 mo. I was so shocked when I heard "signs of autism". (my concern was his lack of communication skills - he wasn't pointing, clapping or waving when he should have been. He stopped babbling for long periods of time). He was dx at 21 mo. He's come a long way since then (he's 5 now).

Kids with autism can be so different from one another. (verbal & non-verbal communication has always been a huge issue for my son, there were some sensory issues that I thought were just quirks or whatever....).

I want to let you know that a lot changed with my son from 18 mo/2 yrs to now at age 5. So much improved.  It took time, but certain things got a lot better. We learned what worked & what didn't. Some (red flag) stuff did come out after the dx (he wasn't stacking things like he does until after he had an ASD dx. He didn't have an intense need for certain routines until long after the dx).

Try to accept him for who he is. I can imagine that the lack of cuddling & hugs is hard for you. For my son, it was the opposite. Major, major seperation anxiety. I was the only one he wanted. Leaving him at preschool or at therapy was tough. Months of crying every day (him). It's a lot better, but it still comes up. He copes with it better now, although it isn't any easier to see him with a sad face.

Early intervention is great. And when he's old enough, he can go to special ed preschool for free (if he has enough delays).

I don't know what it's like to have a typical child. I know that our life with our little guy is different from other (typical) families. Some days it's tough (makes me cry or feel really sad, makes me feel very alone - even now) at how different things are. My son is full of energy x1000. That can make even the simplest thing difficult. Other times I try to appreciate some of the challenges. I remind myself to forget about autism some times & just have fun with my child. Do the things he enjoys. To hear his laugh & see his smile is the best. I try to appreciate the things that took so long. To hear him say "hi, mama". Or for him to go off with his therapist & not be crying. For him to sleep thru the night without needing me next to him.

There are a lot of great moms here. We're here for you.

[Kris084]

I cannot thank you both enough for your responses. Mikey has been with Early Intervention since he was 3 months due to Muscle tightening. (Congenetital Torticolus) When he had his evaluation,  I thought that would be our last appointment. I thought all of hi delays were soaly based on his muscles. (Rolling, Crawling, Walking) It was a huge slap in the face when they told me that he needed more therapy and then we landed up with two therapists. I still thought it was silly. Then we went in for his well baby appointment and the doctor was asking all of those questions. I knew what she was aiming at because I had already done my own research. But my defense instinct kicked in and that was that. Then I did more research and realised that if I continued to fight things, the only person I would be hurting is Mikey. That week his Speech Therapist came, and I asked her what exactly they were working on with him. Then everything spilled out and I told her things that she didn't know such as the hand flapping and his way of playing with certain toys etc. We have letter magnets on the fridge and he will sit for long peroids of time and just pick them up and drop them and do it over and over again. She wasn't fully aware of all of these things and now that I had been honest about everything (On top of what she had already knew, and seen with Mikey) she told me that she felt he should be evaluated but she knew that I needed some time to accept everything and she didn't want to be the person to tell me that. She then told me she has two girls who both have autism and knows exactly what it is like in the beginning stages and hearing the words "We think he may be autistic" was hard for her at first. It was nice to hear what she had to say at that point and it was nice to finally let go of my defensive side. And once I really got into learning, I have even found support groups for my girls to go to if needed! My oldest has been a huge help. She just turned 10. She has been Mikey's biggest fan (Aside from mommy and Daddy of course!:)  ... and on days she knows he had therapy while she was at school, she comes home and wants to know everything! And also wants different things to work on with Mikey to help him "Get Better" (The wording she uses) Im not sure she fully understands everything but I figure we will wait and see what the Nerologist says before we go into anything further. The cuddling and effection has always been hard for me. I always thought that maybe its because hes a boy.. (I had two girls before him so I just assumed it was all based on the fact he was a boy and maybe boys were different!) 

Melissa- I have to tell you that even life with my two girls before Mikey was born was never "Typical" :) Im not sure any of us accually live a typical life. I think each family has their own version of Normal, and that is each one of our normals:) If that makes any sense!!!

Janice, Thank you so much for thinking about us. Thank you both so very much for your responses! Im so glad I found this group! 

[Apple1]

 

Hi Kris,

I have a 5 year old son who has severe autism.  When he was first diagnosed, he would flap his hands, have little to no eye contact, bang his head, hum a lot, scream in a high pitch, act angry when eating, spin around in circles, and not sleep much at night...He also wasn't very affectionate with my husband or I...he was in his own world and would often times also stare out into space.  The more research I did, the more I realized why he was doing these types of behaviors.  He was having digestive problems and we started seeing a DAN doctor who told us that our little guy was allergic to wheat, gluten, dairy, and soy.  We removed all of them and saw a big change.  Before this he would cry so much at night, bowel movements where not regular and very messy when he did have them.  Changing his diet helped so much...we saw more eye contact, more babbling, more smiles, eye contact, the banging all stopped.  So much of autism is related to toxins in the body that can't get out...this is why the gluten free, casein free diet is recommended for our kids, because these proteins are so hard to digest and create toxins in their systems...I hope this makes sense :)  Wonderful group here on cafemom that talks also about the diets and supplements is biomed momma's group...so many great mom's and so much to learn.   Early intervention is also so helpful, special pre-schools and therapy's to help...Sending you hugs!  ((One day at a time :) )))

 

[lovebeingmrs]

My sweet baby boy name is Andrew. Never having a boy I thought what he was doing was normal, well normal for him anyways. At the age of two weeks Andrew started having acid reflux. We went though four different formals before finding one that worked. Andrew still have trouble eating, his food has to cut up really fine. We have found out that Andrews tounge is shorter then it should be and his gag reflux is bad also.Andrew never like toys. He rather take them apart then play with them. He wasn't walking and if he did it was on his tip toes. Andrew HATED shoes, wouldn't keep them on for nothing. I would call him my little cricket when he would just sit on the blanket and rub his feet and flap his hands if he seen a air plane. The doctor would say he was little behind on his mile stones but he would catch up, guess what..he never did.
Then came the time when Andrew wouldn't play with other kids. He rather be off in his own world of flapping and humming at the sky.
At the age of two we were told Andrew has autism. But I didn't look at it as a bad thing. I just seen it he seen the world different then we do.
Andrew is six now, and has the most amazing memory. He plays with other kids when he wants to, is in a regular kindergarten class.
I would suggest getting "Autsim for dummies". It's a great book and takes out all the medical terms that sound scary and makes them seem not so scary.
When it came to Andrew pulling hair I would put my hand on his and just say "nice hands, we use nice hands." Didnt always work but it helped. We told our daughter that her brother brain is different and he needs our help to understand. Andrew hates being hugged or kissed, it has to be on his terms and don't even think about going near him if he has a booboo. Try finding something your son enjoys, it may take mine times but he should click with something . Andrew loves wrestling. He knows every name, every theme song, and I wouldnt put it past him to know the guys shoe size. But our little guys have amazing brains, we just have to guide them.

I googled this for you to see if it can be of any help for your daughter..

Asperger’s Syndrome

Fender, Sam. Brotherly Feelings: Me, My Emotions, and My Brother With Asperger's Syndrome. Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2007.
This book is written from the perspective of 8 year old Sam Fender who explores and shares with the reader the emotions that siblings of children with Asperger's Syndrome commonly experience.

Now that my daughter is older (she is eight, will be nine) she is protectes her brother, she understands that sometimes he cant help himself and she has been a great help. She helps with his school work and he has picked up a lot from her.

Good Luck and glad your found this group..

[Marcy_182]

For the head banging, i took my son shopping for a pillow pet and let him pick the one he liked he was 22 months when our son was dx and then i worked with him to re-direct the hitting and banging from the wall or the floor to the pillow pet i took us a couple of months but it worked. He is 3 1/2 now and with all the intervention and lots and lots of therapies he comforts himself a lot more natural he'll lay down in the couch and i'll go and give him a massage or apply deep pressure depends on the situation without all the stimming or tantrums.  Get him a lot of therapy and it will get better.\ Keep posting