Hot Topic (11/7): Abusive relationships

Replies:

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• by
  • cowgirlsr2
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 1:49 AM

• Rihanna returned to Chris Brown after this incident.  Why do you think women return to abusive men?Generally because they are mentally beat down into believeing no one else will have them or they think they can change them.
  

  Rihanna disclosed to Diane Sawyer on 20/20 that her father was abusive to her mother.  What can be done to stop the cycle of violence that some women and men find themselves in?1st women have to respect themselves and learn to take back there independence. They have to get back there self - esteem and make it so that the cycle really does stop here.

  
  

  
  

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• by
  • mmtosam06
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 1:54 AM

• I agree with the pp because yes I once was emotionally/verbally & psychologically pushed into believing no one would want me til my stbx decided to get physical with me not once but twice it takes a woman 7-10 times to get beat before she finally ups & leaves yes thats the new statistics but it took 2x of stbx being physical with me that i refuse to put our (my) daughter through that i have  morals about that sorry 

   stephanie/cloth diapering/full term bfing/extended harnessing mama
  

• 
• by
  • mmtosam06
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 1:55 AM

• im not saying the women who tend to stay til they are finally fed up dont have morals but a woman has got to be strong & really believe she will not tolerate that lifestyle anymore not for her sake but the sake of her kids 

   stephanie/cloth diapering/full term bfing/extended harnessing mama
  

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• by
  • Proudbirthmom06
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 2:00 AM

• I am the daughter of an abuser. My father was highly abusive to my mother. I watched it for YEARS and some of the stuff I have seen him do to her would make you cringe. My sister and I also begged and pleaded with her to leave. And though she didn't leave until I was 12 and my sister was 14, she eventually did leave. I have had one man in my lifetime put his hands on me. I was 18 and he was 26-He choke slammed me to the wall and I kicked him as hard as I could between his legs. When he hit the floor I hit the door at a dead run to the neighboors and left. Right then and there I left. Other women don't. They sometimes think they can change the man but they can't do it. Ladies PLEASE PLEASE if you are being hurt by a spouse or partner GET OUT NOW!!!! 

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• by
  • Goodwoman614
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 2:08 AM

• Yes, and know that it really is never your fault.  Besides the obvious, there are a lot of subtle statements ppl make that lay the blame at a woman's feet.  Like, say, "you need to respect yourself," or "you just need to get some self-esteem."

  Just know that ppl who are clueless will make statements like these. 

  It is never the woman's fault when she is beaten by her partner. 

  Never.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'll fight for a person's right to speak so long as that person will, in return, fight to allow me to challenge their opinions and ridicule them as the content of their ideas merit."

                                           

                                                               
  

• 
• by
  • mmtosam06
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 2:09 AM

• AGREED
  

  Quoting Goodwoman614:
  
  

  Yes, and know that it really is never your fault.  Besides the obvious, there are a lot of subtle statements ppl make that lay the blame at a woman's feet.  Like, say, "you need to respect yourself," or "you just need to get some self-esteem."

  Just know that ppl who are clueless will make statements like these. 

  It is never the woman's fault when she is beaten by her partner. 

  Never.

   

  
  

   

  
  

   stephanie/cloth diapering/full term bfing/extended harnessing mama
  

• 
• by
  • im23vaughn
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 2:23 AM

• I have been in an abusive relationship. I stayed because we had children. I am adopted to so I really wanted my kids to have their father in their life. I loved him and truly believe he was sorry. He would abuse me, but it wasn't  as horrific as rihanna's. Maybe a push, once a punch, and etc. Abuse starts out little. Each time it gets a little worse. Not enough to notice that it is getting worse until it is really bad.

  I finally left when I realize that he wouldn't change. I have also been in other abusive relationships, but I am quick to leave those. I am blessed that now I am in a relationship that is abuse free. No mental or emotional abuse. Priceless

• 
• by
  • stormcris
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 3:58 AM

• I have two thought trains going about people staying in abusive relationships.

  There are those women who get into an abusive relationship and stay because they are afraid of not being able to survive on their own. They are afraid of the husband taking the children and especially if he has made her into the bad guy to everyone else. She feels as if there is no way out safely for her and the children so she stay. This is especially true of emotionally abusive relationship that place so much control over the woman. She may really not have any way out because if she has done such an excellent acting job and he is the good as gold in public type there is still the stigma and the disbelief and the very real fear of not being able to make it out alive.

  Then there is another type who stays with an abuser because the person suddenly changed...these are mostly the emotional abuse types but sometimes can be physical. These types are usually onset by fear ...fear of losing his wife so he locks down control, or fear of not being what he expects to be. This type can actually be changed back but this is more like a call for help when they don't know how to ask, and many adults don't know how to ask for help.

  Whatever the case if the woman goes back she needs support and love and does not need to be told how bad it is because really she knows ...she may seem in denial but she knows. Saying things like you deserve better or he is no good for you does not work it only makes the situation worse and will probably get you axed as a friend.

  The only way is to break the cycle is to learn communication and start teaching people how to communicate and how to know themselves prior to relationships. It has to start during puberty and continue up through at least they graduate high school.
  

• 
• by
  • Merry74
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 9:44 AM

• We don't agree on much, but you are absolutely on target with this.
  

  Quoting Goodwoman614:
  
  

  Yes, and know that it really is never your fault.  Besides the obvious, there are a lot of subtle statements ppl make that lay the blame at a woman's feet.  Like, say, "you need to respect yourself," or "you just need to get some self-esteem."

  Just know that ppl who are clueless will make statements like these. 

  It is never the woman's fault when she is beaten by her partner. 

  Never.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • Des10ed2b
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 9:57 AM

• its a tough situation because there are a lot of different factors.

  1) the thing with abuse is, that it isnt ALL the time. MOST the time the men are sweet and doting, which makes it all the harder to leave because the women can sit back and remember all the times that he was GOOD.

  2) a lot of women that stay in abusive relationships were abused as kids, which kind of puts them in the mind set that its just what they deserve. you grow accustomed to it . its like a big birthmark that you hate, you think is ugly, but you have had all your life so you just learn to deal with it.

  3) its a lot  harder when kids are involved, because women convince themselves that the men are great dads and would never hurt the kids, so they feel its more worth it for the kids sake.
  

  i am a proud mommy of 1 ornery 1 year old little boy and one very goofy 4 year old little girl, ive been married for 2 years, together for almost 5. fun loving, eco-friendly, creative,different strokes work for different folks, stay at home and work at home mommy!

  http://www.PerfectWorkForMoms.com    http://www.HealthySafeAndClean.com
  

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