Domestic violence, its all their fault!

[survivorinohio]

Is this the way that you feel?

I see this as a broad negative generalization held by a whole lot of women.  I do not remove a womans responsibility but I do make allowances for the variables that affect our growth as women.

What do you think, is it all her fault when her hubby beats her up?

[Talee]

 Most of the time no...

But...I think women "cross the line" sometimes and should know better than to. Some woman are pushy and don't shaddup, I am not saying it is their fault completely but they do have something to do with it. Men need their "cave time" when there is arguments or frustration and picking on them relentlessly when they need space is wrong IMHO.

I hope I am understood about what I am trying to say...beating someone up isn't ever right but there are always other factors on both sides.

[resamerie]

Never is it her fault, unless she decides to hit first. It takes a bigger man to walk away if they're angry. I was abused by my ex for things as simple as him catching me smoking a cig. Did I know he didn't like me smoking? Yes. Did I deserve to have the side of my face bashed for it? No.  

[jaxTheMom]

No.  Anytime someone looses their cool and resorts to physical violence, it's not ok.  Ever.  For any reason.

[stormcris]

There is only one occasion I have ever thought it was a woman's fault when she was finally beat by her husband. She had been the abuser for many years and he finally fought back.

Other than that no. It is never anyone's fault that they are abused. It is a problem the abuser has with anger and fear. The woman cannot make the spouse love himself or her enough to change only he can do that. Very few change, once in a blue moon they do but they probably were not far down the abuse road before they wake up. But, its never the abused fault.

[im23vaughn]

Not sure where you got this from. From all the post I see it says if a woman wants to ATTACK A MAN then YES it is her fault. If a woman isn't attacking a man and HE ATTACKS HER then No it isn't her fault. What is so hard to understand?

[JoshiRachelsMom]

Quoting im23vaughn:

Not sure where you got this from. From all the post I see it says if a woman wants to ATTACK A MAN then YES it is her fault. If a woman isn't attacking a man and HE ATTACKS HER then No it isn't her fault.

That's the bottom line right there.

[faith63]

I say this with my whole heart ...

Aggression in every form ...listen up ladies!  Verbal, emotional or physical is unacceptable. PERIOD. And yesssss we are all weak & guilty of letting it rip in a moment. But , It is not building in any relationship ( and I say this in the plural sense). And yes, one or the other will have the biggest mouth or strongest fists which in the end will inflict the deepest pain.  It is a cycle and destructive. 

Is this LOVE? Some virtue, value and gift we wish to give to our children? I think not.  Our children sitting on the sidelines watching and believe me they are learning a sick behavior when all is said and done.

It is tragic. I live it ...

Everyone needs to step up to the plate. It is not a blame game ... it about taking responsibility & safety for yourself and your children. Blame is easy ...  change requires action. And is not easy for anyone.

Peace and strength resides in us all.  Tap into yours. I am as well ....

[Mergath]

I don't think anyone here believes that women deserve what they get from their abusers.  There are some who seem to feel that it is a woman's own fault if they don't leave their abuser, but from what I've seen, those are usually the posters who have never had to deal with abuse.  Leaving isn't always as easy as just packing your bags and getting an apartment, especially when you have children.

[JoshiRachelsMom]

Quoting Mergath:

I don't think anyone here believes that women deserve what they get from their abusers.  There are some who seem to feel that it is a woman's own fault if they don't leave their abuser, but from what I've seen, those are usually the posters who have never had to deal with abuse.  Leaving isn't always as easy as just packing your bags and getting an apartment, especially when you have children.

I agree with you. But I'd like to remove the women as victims part  to stipulate all victims of domestic violence. There are men that are abused by their women and the women get away with it too. I'm sure that they have their reasons as to why THEY don't leave.

Domestic violence is gender blind and it's about power and control.

[tericared]

Quoting Mergath:

I don't think anyone here believes that women deserve what they get from their abusers.  There are some who seem to feel that it is a woman's own fault if they don't leave their abuser, but from what I've seen, those are usually the posters who have never had to deal with abuse.  Leaving isn't always as easy as just packing your bags and getting an apartment, especially when you have children.

 

It is never easy, ever..I have been there twice. The first time I was able to just walk away, with only my child but I walked straight to a woman's shelter....The second time  I was 12 hours south of the border in Mexico. It took 2 months of planning and waiting for the right time when he was going to be gone.......  I loaded up my girls and a few things and started driving.....I have a really hard time with women who say they cant leave and stay year after year......