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Is it wrong to tell your friend not to give you a Christmas present?

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2009 at 11:32 AM
  • 10 Replies

I think that Christmas is all about giving.  I enjoy creating things for people and finding things to make them smile.  Many times I spend very little of even nothing on what I give people.

I have a friend who has screamed at me about this and I have screamed back at this point.

I know the thing I gave her she loves the most cost me nothing.  I made it.  I make many of the gifts I give.  Would you be hurt by your best friend,if  knowing how you are, told you not to include her in Christmas?

               

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


by on Dec. 4, 2009 at 11:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
margroc
by on Dec. 4, 2009 at 11:46 AM

I am like you.  I love to give gifts and could care less if I receive one in return.  My best friend told me this year not to worry about gifts (it's been a taxing year with lots of very costly unexpected expenses and a kid in university) but she said - invite us for dinner as your gift.  Which I thought was a lovely idea. So I guess it is the tone behind the request to not include her.  If it is because she doesn't appreciate your gifts then, yes I'd be very hurt.

A society which emphasizes uniformity is one which creates intolerance and hate.  - Pierre E. Trudeau

rfourangels
by on Dec. 4, 2009 at 12:01 PM

Over the years many of our friends, as well as us, have really paired down in giving. From what once was individual and expensive gifts, has become a family gift of something to do together. there are some who have said, "please don't do anything for us this year." I still have, because I felt that was what I needed to do, and it was inexpensive- sometimes a plate of homemade truffles, cookies, etc. It doesn't matter if people reciprocate, and no one keeps track.

Is it wrong? I don't think so, it is just what they feel they need to do. Remember too that some people are natural givers, and others are not. Some get more joy out of giving than receiving. Additionally, if someone gives because they feel obligated- they might as well not, because there is no joy in that.

Serenity7
by on Dec. 4, 2009 at 12:05 PM

I love to give also. However I respect how people feel. Since your friend does not want you giving her gifts. Maybe you can try to respect that and not take it personally. 

JenE4
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2009 at 12:30 PM

If finances are tight for her and she's not particularly crafty as you are, then she can't afford to give you something, nor can she make you something on par with what you make for her. Since I'm unemployed, we're not getting gifts for any friends--or even any adult members of the family this year. I'm not crafty enough to make anything, but even purchasing supplies would be difficult. I think Christmas is really for the children, and I'd rather spend my money on their presents. There's a guilt associated with getting a gift and not being able to reciprocate. Plus, it could open up a whole can of worms that if she gives you something, then there are a whole bunch of other people she probably feels she needs to give something to, too. I know you mean well, but just be understanding of and respect her wishes, and THAT would be the greatest gift of all.

Jen
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survivorinohio
by René on Dec. 4, 2009 at 1:32 PM

I am going to add to it.  I think the respect issue is two fold.  My feelings matter too.

This girl is like a daughter to me as well and she buys me mothers day gifts even when I tell her not to.  She has been involved in mothers day with my children for 15 yrs.

It should be known  that we are poor, this friend has generally had more money than I.  I make all of our gifts of find them at a huge discount, second hand or salvage costs.

She is aware of this , she lives here and has 12 out of the last 15 yrs and knows what I do and how I do it.  She comes from a very different family who expects a level of performance from her.  We dont.  At. All.

I just finished up a long talk with her.    We will see.  She tends to yell at me as a therapy lol.

               

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


JenE4
by Silver Member on Dec. 4, 2009 at 1:45 PM

Lol. Then it sounds like you'll work out the issue in your own way. ;-) And, if you're more of a mother role than a peer to her, I agree that your motherly instinct is to nurture her and not want anything in return. Heck, I mentioned we're not buying gifts for the adult family members, but I know our parents are still getting gifts for us anyway--because that's what parents do, lol!

Quoting survivorinohio:

I am going to add to it.  I think the respect issue is two fold.  My feelings matter too.

This girl is like a daughter to me as well and she buys me mothers day gifts even when I tell her not to.  She has been involved in mothers day with my children for 15 yrs.

It should be known  that we are poor, this friend has generally had more money than I.  I make all of our gifts of find them at a huge discount, second hand or salvage costs.

She is aware of this , she lives here and has 12 out of the last 15 yrs and knows what I do and how I do it.  She comes from a very different family who expects a level of performance from her.  We dont.  At. All.

I just finished up a long talk with her.    We will see.  She tends to yell at me as a therapy lol.


Jen
Mom to Emma, 13; Wyatt, 10; and baby Sofia...babies

Group Owner
Home Office: www.cafemom.com/group/homeoffice

Juggling little ones AND deadlines? Meet others who have the best of both worlds as a work-from-home mom. (No classifieds, please.)

tericared
by on Dec. 4, 2009 at 8:17 PM

Bless both of your hearts...Maybe she sees you struggle on a day to day basis, and it bothers her. She may think if you dont spend that small amount on her it could go some where else.... 

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Witch_Denise
by Member on Dec. 5, 2009 at 11:22 AM

My friends and I as well as my sister have made this year a "Make It Christmas" even if it is a loaf of bread or a dozen cookies etc.....just add a little more in the mix and give it as gifts...I'm making my sister a new Christmas wreath and crocheting my friends some afghans...

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"Women are representive of the Earth itself, we nature, and nuture to ensure that life goes on." Denise '08
cranberrys2
by New Member on Dec. 5, 2009 at 6:23 PM

Maybe she can't return the gift and doesn't want to feel like she's less of a friend than you are to her.

aqsgwama
by Member on Dec. 6, 2009 at 5:30 PM

On one Dec, season that was financially tight, My husband and I decided to give each other "the gift of no financial pressure".  Sometimes it needs to be said early but after thinking about it, it makes good sense.      Similar to the "Gift of the Magi" 

 

May everyone have a blessed Christmas and a Christ-centered New Year!!!

grandma




Gwama to Ama, Quanah, Savannah and Logan

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