Hot Topic (1/12): Working mothers losing custody of their kids--is this fair?

[Cafe GroupAdmin]

 

Working Moms Losing Custody: A Trend?

Working mothers are losing custody of their children with increasing frequency, according to a startling article in the December/January issue of Working Mother magazine.

Single Mom Seeking: "This is a wake-up call to families that have lost track of their priorities in this difficult economy," says Suzanne Riss, editor-in-chief of Working Mother, the voice of 2.4 million working moms.

With women poised to outnumber men in the workforce for the first time in American history -- and men bearing the brunt of recessionary layoffs -- dads are increasingly taking over primary child-rearing duties -- a key consideration in child custody cases.

Among the article's top findings:

• 2.2 million mothers in America don't have primary physical custody of their children, and this number has been rising steadily.

   

• Fathers seeking sole custody in a contested case win at least 50 percent of the time.

   

• Fathers are requesting joint or primary custody more and more. Over the past decade, the number of fathers awarded custody of their children has doubled.

"The shifting custody landscape is alarming to working moms, many of whom say they work primarily to provide a better life for their children," Riss says. "Women are surprised to learn that time spent in the office is increasingly being viewed by the courts as evidence that they're less involved in their child's day-to-day care."

Say what?

For starters, Riss explains, "Judges and lawyers will tell you that the family court system is not equipped to handle these personal family matters."

Because courts are so overwhelmed, "judges want to do as little as possible -- unless the child is in danger."

And that often means that "the judge will say, 'keep the status quo,'" Riss explains. "So, if the dad has lost his job, and he's taking the kids to school -- because Mom is the primary breadwinner now and she's now working long hours -- that's the status quo."

"Even if moms are saying, 'You don't see that I'm waking up at 5 AM and staying up at night to read bedtime stories and make school lunches,' the courts can't see the nuances."

Indeed, gone are the days when mothers of children under age seven would get custody under the "Tender Years Doctrine."

"The courts are no longer saying, 'Mommy knows best.' Now it's 'Who's more involved with the kids day to day?'"

Of course, on the positive side, it's great that more fathers "are stepping up to the plate," Riss says. "But unfortunately, in a custody case, emotions often take precedence. Some couples are so estranged and angry ... that they'll try to get sole custody."

Riss stresses, however, that there is a silver lining here: "This is a wake-up call for moms and dads to be better parents -- and to remember the best interests of your kids."

* * *

What do you think about this article?  

Should mothers have custody of children who are under 7?  Do you think kids need their mothers more than their fathers? 

Should  a working mother lose custody of her kids simply because she is the breadwinner?

[tericared]

"The shifting custody landscape is alarming to working moms, many of whom say they work primarily to provide a better life for their children," Riss says. "Women are surprised to learn that time spent in the office is increasingly being viewed by the courts as evidence that they're less involved in their child's day-to-day care."

This is insane....

[lajoy]

I don't think it's unfair. As long as dad is doing a good job at taking care of the kids...why should he lose custody of his kids? It's just as unfair to him when mom gets custody.

These matters are hard. There is no solution that is fair to everyone, especially the kids.

The only thing that they don't mention here is if they are divorcing, won't the father now have to go back to work to provide for his kids? I'm sure he can't do it on child support alone.

I don't think that women should automatically get custody due the child's age.

[Cynthje]

This is what has been happening to fathers all along, if we truely want equal rights this is a consequence of that, it used to be that the mothers would automatically get the child and the fathers didnt even get a chance.

Work shouldnt be used as a  reason though because i assume that the fathers would have to go back to work also so then you have two working parents.

[katy_kay]

Now the courts are beginning to realize that gender doesn't play an immediate role in the ability to parent many of the excuses used against fathers now are coming full circle and being held up to women.  Is it "fair"?  I'm not sure it was "fair" when fathers almost always lost custody of their children for many of these same reasons. 

It's unfortunate that marriages end and it's even sadder when those marriages involve children because someone is always going to lose and it's usually the children that lose the most. 

[Gretchen2876]

What about mothers who don't work outside the home? What's the data on that?

[GoodMomma24-7]

This is sad, and no, a mom shouldn't lose custody.  At least joint custody would be better.  Sadly, when the parents split and have to share custody of their children, it's going to be really difficult to find any way to make things "fair."  Dad's don't get fair shakes either, nor do the kids. 

[Malapertinent]

How about just losing custody due to bad parenting?  Working hard and providing for a family, regardless of which side of the parenting spectrum they may fall, doesn't specifically constitute the parent as a bad parent.

I can't imagine NOT having custody of my kids, but my oldest lives with his dad.  Hardest thing I've ever done is let him move in with him.  Don't agree with his parenting styles/choices, but he's not a horrible dad.  

There MUST be more than work to lose their kids.  PERIOD!

 

[survivorinohio]

Quoting katy_kay:

Now the courts are beginning to realize that gender doesn't play an immediate role in the ability to parent many of the excuses used against fathers now are coming full circle and being held up to women.  Is it "fair"?  I'm not sure it was "fair" when fathers almost always lost custody of their children for many of these same reasons. 

It's unfortunate that marriages end and it's even sadder when those marriages involve children because someone is always going to lose and it's usually the children that lose the most. 

I agree.

I think that sometimes choosing the right parent is very easy in some cases and very difficult in others.  I think ultimately more attention needs to be paid to the abilities of parents to nurture and provide loving homes.  I do not know how exactly this could be achieved though I would think there could be a psychological test developed to indicate these traits in a person.

There is no real fair though, the children started with two parents in the home and wound up with one.  Not fair.

[JenE4]

So, the moral of the story: Don't leave your husband if he's unemployed? {shrug}

[MaKettle87]

Quoting Cynthje:

This is what has been happening to fathers all along, if we truely want equal rights this is a consequence of that, it used to be that the mothers would automatically get the child and the fathers didnt even get a chance.

Work shouldnt be used as a  reason though because i assume that the fathers would have to go back to work also so then you have two working parents.