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Advice please

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 9:22 AM
  • 29 Replies

My husband and i moved to texas from cali about 5 months ago for new opportunitiies. We have 2 daughters that are 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. My MIL and I dont get along at all we havent even spoken in 6 months. A couple months ago she asked to come pick up my girls for 2 weeks and take them back to cali with her and I wrote her an email explaining that my youngest is too young and still depends on me on a daily basis and that i would be okay with her taking my oldest if she didnt smoke in the house while she was there and if she didnt give her any medication with out first notifying me. She never wrote me baks and instead called my husband and was trying to make the plans with out including me. So since then i have been very pissed at here and even told my husband she is not going. Well last night she called my husband and asked him if she can come pick up both of the girls at the end of feb for a week and totaly disregarded that I prevously said my youngest cant go. She was basically begging him to please consider what she was saying to him... which he wont give me details and he actually thinks it would be okay to let her go... Mind you my youngest is a mommies baby 100% she cant even go to sleep unless im in the room with her. She still wears diapers and needs a baba to go to bed(im trying to break that but having a hard time). I couldnt sleep last night thinking about my poor baby crying every night because shes with people she doesnt know and wants mama. What do I do?

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 9:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
HeatherLynn
by Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 9:29 AM

you stand your ground!!! those are your babies, your desicion!!! i agree with you and wouldn't allow it either. if she wants to see her grandkids so badly, suggest she visit your house instead. you may not get along, but it would work out better and make everyone happy.if she desn't like it, then she can lump it!!!! =D

eaglemama2
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 9:46 AM

stand your ground, no means no.  Who gives a shit if your hubby does not agree with you.    Call your MIL and give her a good talking to, that is what I would have no trouble doing.   My kids, my choice, end of story.

BriannaKye
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:02 AM

You stick to your guns.  And you demand your husband back you -- you are his wife and the mother of his children.  He should be outraged that his mother is trying to do an end run around your judgement about what is best for YOUR children.   You know your daughters's needs, and he shoudl know them too (assuming he lives with y'all?).  Maybe share what kept you up last night and see if he's okay with his baby girl laying in bed crying for Mommy all night long every night for a week just to appease his mother??

Allergic2Stupid
by Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:09 AM

You do what's best for your kids and yourself and screw everyone else.   I agree that your little one shouldn't do sleepovers yet and especially with people she doesn't know very well.

FortWorthMomma
by Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:09 AM

I also say Stand you Ground. If she really wants to see them then she can come here and either stay with you or get a hotel if she doesnt want to stay you yall. Then she can see them whenever she wants while here. BUT i would not let my kids go out to Cali with someone they dont really know. Sorry you are dealing with this and i hope that you can work it out.  GL

ttcboy n girlShauna J.White Wife,Mother and Friend!

tsatt01
by Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:14 AM

Its just a tough situation because him and I have argued abotu his parents way too much and Im getting really fed up with it. My oldest knows and remembers them, but my youngest would have no clue who they were anymore. They have a history of smoking in the house with them there when we have asked them not to multiple times. And my sister in law recently told me a story abotu how her daughter came home crying saying granny gave her somethign anfd it make her feel dizzy... I must add that she smokes pot. And takes about 20 diff pills for her RA. God knows what she woudl give my kids if she couldnt get them to go to sleep. Its just really depressing and a hard situation. I dont want to fight with my husband I want him to just be on my side and understand why im against it.

BriannaKye
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:21 AM

I understand that your husband is between a rock and a hard place but these are his children -- they come first and foremost above all, INCLUDING above his mother.  I totally get the desire not to get into a fight with your hubby -- I hate fighting with mine, too, especially over family -- but this is not something you can afford to let him have his way on ... especially if your MIL smokes (cigarettes and/or pot) with your kids in the house!!! 

Quoting tsatt01:

Its just a tough situation because him and I have argued abotu his parents way too much and Im getting really fed up with it. My oldest knows and remembers them, but my youngest would have no clue who they were anymore. They have a history of smoking in the house with them there when we have asked them not to multiple times. And my sister in law recently told me a story abotu how her daughter came home crying saying granny gave her somethign anfd it make her feel dizzy... I must add that she smokes pot. And takes about 20 diff pills for her RA. God knows what she woudl give my kids if she couldnt get them to go to sleep. Its just really depressing and a hard situation. I dont want to fight with my husband I want him to just be on my side and understand why im against it.


eaglemama2
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:26 AM


Quoting tsatt01:

Its just a tough situation because him and I have argued abotu his parents way too much and Im getting really fed up with it. My oldest knows and remembers them, but my youngest would have no clue who they were anymore. They have a history of smoking in the house with them there when we have asked them not to multiple times. And my sister in law recently told me a story abotu how her daughter came home crying saying granny gave her somethign anfd it make her feel dizzy... I must add that she smokes pot. And takes about 20 diff pills for her RA. God knows what she woudl give my kids if she couldnt get them to go to sleep. Its just really depressing and a hard situation. I dont want to fight with my husband I want him to just be on my side and understand why im against it.

I am sorry but you married him, not his family.   If you argue about his parents in the first place, that means that he clearly does not put you over everything else.   This may sound really harsh, but give him an ultimatum, you or his parents.    Clearly their environment is a hazzard to your kids, if hubby does not see that, then there is a serious problem.  

survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:28 AM

I think there is no reason in the world that you have to let her go.  I would be squeamish about the 3 yr old I think, personally.

Stand your ground mama she is your baby !

               

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


tsatt01
by Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:32 AM


Quoting eaglemama2:


Quoting tsatt01:

Its just a tough situation because him and I have argued abotu his parents way too much and Im getting really fed up with it. My oldest knows and remembers them, but my youngest would have no clue who they were anymore. They have a history of smoking in the house with them there when we have asked them not to multiple times. And my sister in law recently told me a story abotu how her daughter came home crying saying granny gave her somethign anfd it make her feel dizzy... I must add that she smokes pot. And takes about 20 diff pills for her RA. God knows what she woudl give my kids if she couldnt get them to go to sleep. Its just really depressing and a hard situation. I dont want to fight with my husband I want him to just be on my side and understand why im against it.

I am sorry but you married him, not his family.   If you argue about his parents in the first place, that means that he clearly does not put you over everything else.   This may sound really harsh, but give him an ultimatum, you or his parents.    Clearly their environment is a hazzard to your kids, if hubby does not see that, then there is a serious problem.  

I have asked him to stop being on their side about everythign and everytime i tell him to just move home with them and he says he loves me and wants to be with me and he will start sticking up for me but he doesnt and everytime we argue about that too. Im sick oif fighting about his parents thats the only thing we fight about and Im so sick of it! I dont want to loose his but i dont want to argue about the same thing every month.

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