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Is it a better way to deal with middle age crisis among the sexes?

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:48 AM
  • 24 Replies

   I  am perplexed with the behavior of some of my friends...They have decided to hang out the bars and to leave their husband's and kid's behind...These women have been married for a while...As I Was researching the topic found out middle age crisis is evident in both sexes and exists globally...While we talked so much about man who all of the sudden bought a sports car bought a toupee and chased after a younger woman in order to keep their youth we failed to mentioned that women also are going through the same issue...They starting spending too much time on social sites and talking to different men...Both sexes handling middle age crisis different..but both searching for the same thing...to get attention and appreciation...my question though is Can both sexes go through it without leaving their current relationship?

Joanna...
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Athena01426
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:59 AM

Well...I am back...I just moved to Chicago and have been very busy ...I am looking forward to read your comments share your knowledge and experiences about this social issue....

Athena01426
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:42 AM

I know they are people in this site that have gone trough this phase...this blog is to express freely your views and opinions in order to provide a better insight for other women...so what do you think?

mrs_khan07
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 11:54 AM

My best friend's mom is going through this right now, but it's like her 3rd time going through it. She's 45, married, and has a 3 year old son. Well, she has 5 kids by 5 different dads, she can't keep a relationship. Now she's going out with 20 year old boys behind her husband's back, got a boob job, got her bellybutton pierced, etc. It's really bad. Don't know about all that...

But, I am making some compromises in my marriage to try to avoid my husband having a mid-life crisis. He's older than me, he is close to 30 so if it should happen it won't be that far off. He has a degree in computer science and IT training, but of course he couldn't find a job right now. He is delivering pizza, but you know, I think he actually LIKES delivering pizza. He really wants to open his own pizza store and I've been totally against it because I know that it is a lot of work and I think he should work in an office wearing a suit and tie.

So I've been pushing him to find an office job for the last few years and I'm starting to realize that he really doesn't want to. His dream is to be a business owner, but if I keep pushing him into the office thing, he will do it and probably be unhappy. So I've decided to let him open his own business. He will be away from home a lot at first, I think it will suck for me, at least for a while, but it will make him happy. And if it doesn't work out, he has his degree to fall back on.

Who knows, he might have a mid-life crisis, but at least it won't be because I pushed him into a career that he hates. Some people just aren't made to sit in a cubicle all day, he needs excitement in his career. Right now, he actually LIKES going to work and I don't want to take that away from him. We shouldn't push our partners into things they don't want to do. I hope that will cut down on the risk of MLC at least a little.

Mrs. Khan



Athena01426
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 1:18 PM
  • My hubby is older than me too...I followed him around for twenty years and was not able to work on my goals...Now I decided to move to Chicago...I packed my stuff and  my son and I am ready for an excitement career in Biochemistry...He will join us next month...It is very smart not to deny your hubby from his ideal job and also not to deny ourselves the chance fulfilling our dreams...i do not about the boob job...some of these women think if they would be pretty enough they will find a bettter man than they already have...they love to test the waters because the truth is they are unhappy with who they are....it is great hearing from you again....
Joanna...
rella8672
by on Jan. 25, 2010 at 1:55 PM

I am not sure it is a matter of sex,or a matter of the individual.I consider myself to be going through a mid life crisis of sorts right now.I don't plan on leaving my husband and taking to the bars,but I do scrutinize every wrinkle and sag.I find myself depressed at times,because I truly thought I would be in a different place career-wise by this point in my life and wonder if it is too late for me to achieve those goals.

I think some of women feel resentment towards their husbands."Generally", we are the ones that put our lives on hold to raise the children while our husbands are able to fullfil their goals.I think we get to the point where it's like,"OK,it's my turn" and if you have a husband that isn't supportive of that,then you might be inclined to leave and "start over " and put yourself first.But that's just my theory...


JenE4
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:02 PM

Damn. Am I middle-aged? I'm 35. Ugh, I never thought of myself as middle-aged. Is that the problem: "old"  folks like me thinking that 35 is still young?! Well, I try to dress age-appropriately, which is hard to do when you're a size 0 and HAVE to shop in the Junior's department, lol. I am starting to get a bit paranoid about crow's feet--but that's moreso because I STILL have acne, so it's like I missed my window of opportunity for flawless skin, lol. I don't have any need to go out to bars and try to act young, though. And, if you have a good marriage, then I don't see why these women would go out and cheat. It sounds like they're NOT happy at home and maybe they feel like they have to act now before it's too late to find a "better" mate? Or maybe if they got married very young they suddenly feel like perhaps they missed out on something in life? Or maybe because the term "cougar" has become fashionable, they think it sounds like fun? I have no idea. But, they're obviously not happy with themselves, their mates, or their lives in general. I don't see how getting a new rack and cheating on your spouse is going to make everything "better."  As for your question of going through middle age without leaving their spouses--of course people can. They just have to realize security comes from within. If they're looking for outside attention, that's nothing but insecurity controlling your life. If you don't have what you want in your marriage, then figure out what you need, and talk about it with your spouse. A lot of women expect their husbands to read their minds. And people in bars know just the right thing to say to emotionally vulnerable women, lol. Instead of going out in hopes that some stranger will feed you pick up lines to make you feel vibrant and desirable, plan a little romantic rendevous with your spouse.

Quoting mrs_khan07:


But, I am making some compromises in my marriage to try to avoid my husband having a mid-life crisis. He's older than me, he is close to 30 so if it should happen it won't be that far off. 

Jen
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survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:33 PM

I dont know, people react differently and some very poorly.  Everyone has feelings that need to be addressed but we have to be prepared for the worse scenario when we commit IMHO.

This mindset does not include dangerous abusive behavior, that isnt something to be accepted but many other things certainly are viewed as acceptable reasons to break commitment I do not agree with.

Acceptance is a huge thing, it can make the difference between misery and happiness

               

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


DulceBrowneyes
by Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:39 PM

I think a lot of it has to do with kids growing up and moving out, hormonal changes, as well as the need to reignite the fire in your relationship with your S/O. Once you're both in the house with no kids or mostly-grown kids, you kind of wonder what to do with yourselves. This would be the perfect time to get to know your mate all over again. My husband is already pretty well into middle-age (I guess I'm his trophy wife) and showing some signs of returning to adolescence, but I don't mind it since I'm pretty newly out of it myself, lol. As long as you can both have fun exploring new things and getting to know each other again, it should be a positive experience. The only thing I'm not letting him do again is race.... unless I can do it too :D.

Blessed Be

survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 25, 2010 at 2:45 PM


Quoting DulceBrowneyes:

I think a lot of it has to do with kids growing up and moving out, hormonal changes, as well as the need to reignite the fire in your relationship with your S/O. Once you're both in the house with no kids or mostly-grown kids, you kind of wonder what to do with yourselves. This would be the perfect time to get to know your mate all over again. My husband is already pretty well into middle-age (I guess I'm his trophy wife) and showing some signs of returning to adolescence, but I don't mind it since I'm pretty newly out of it myself, lol. As long as you can both have fun exploring new things and getting to know each other again, it should be a positive experience. The only thing I'm not letting him do again is race.... unless I can do it too :D.

Blessed Be

Truthfully the biggest tension between my hubby and I is that our kids are grown and he wants me to himself now.  He is 53 and I am not so far behind him lol.  We have grandchildren in the house and we both love them more than anything but he longs to have me to himself. To be able to take off together , have sex in the LR all that jazz lol.

               

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


mrs_khan07
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2010 at 4:05 PM


Quoting Athena01426:

  • My hubby is older than me too...I followed him around for twenty years and was not able to work on my goals...Now I decided to move to Chicago...I packed my stuff and  my son and I am ready for an excitement career in Biochemistry...He will join us next month...It is very smart not to deny your hubby from his ideal job and also not to deny ourselves the chance fulfilling our dreams...i do not about the boob job...some of these women think if they would be pretty enough they will find a bettter man than they already have...they love to test the waters because the truth is they are unhappy with who they are....it is great hearing from you again....

You're absolutely right, sounds like you're both compromising so that you both can be happy. That's great! I guess I haven't really considered my own goals yet, my son is only 2 and I would like to have another child. I don't know what I'll do when the kid(s) are grown. Shit, maybe I shouldn't worry about hubby, maybe I'll be the one having a mid-life crisis!

Mrs. Khan



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