Hot Topic (2/1): Should you change your last name if you get married?

[Cafe GroupAdmin]

There is no legal requirement to take your husband’s family name, but many women do. Some women choose to keep their surname for professional reasons and other couples agree to create a double-barrelled name.

You can start using your new name from the minute that ring slips on your finger, but you will need to contact all the relevant people with your marriage certificate to make all your documents and paperwork official.

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Should a woman change her last name after marriage?

What affect, if any, does it have on children if their parents have different last names?

Do you have any personal stories you'd like to share?

[Honeybun09]

I believe a woman should take the man's last name if they are getting married.

That's just how I've always thought about marriage.

[Joqui]

I believe it's up to that person and their individual needs and desires. I didn't change my last name until after we had our first son because I am the last one carrying my grandfather's last name and it was hard for me to let it go... as silly as it may sound. My aunt had married and didn't change her last name because she had decades of carrying the last name she had and all her professional background was associated with that last name. My mom just recently got married and she has no desire to change her last name because of the same reasons, since she was 24 she has been with the last name white now she's 43 and has no wish to go through all that trouble... her husband on the other hand is pushing her to change it because it's a pride thing with him.. he wants everyone to know she belongs to him lalalala.. needless to say, they are living separately for almost a year now... same with my husband's grandmother... she got married when she was older (after great grandkids etc)... never took his last name... she is dead now, and she died being a Housley (her maiden last name)

[Missmuffets]

Quoting Cafe GroupAdmin:

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Should a woman change her last name after marriage? ITs up to that women.

What affect, if any, does it have on children if their parents have different last names? I don't think it affects them much. My brother always had a different name then my mom and me. My mom decided to keep my fathers last name just because she didn't want to deal with changing it. My brother had his dad's last name. He said it didn't bother him at all.

Do you have any personal stories you'd like to share? Only reason I changed my last name is because I hated my dad. Everytime I used his last name, I Had flash backs and stuff. When I married at 18, I couldn't wait to get it changed. If I had a loving father I might have decided to use both names.

[Mommy_of_Riley]

I think that it makes sense to take his name.  You are joining his family.... and it was exciting for me to know that I would get to take the name of my husband!  :)  Hubby and I have talked about this and he said he doesn't think he could marry a woman who wanted to get married but not take his name.  He said it wouldn't feel right and would be a deal breaker...  (just throwing a man's opinion in there).

Anyways, as far as kids are concerned... if each parent has a different last name how do you decide which name to give them?

[Dawnfive]

I married when I was 25. I felt no need to change my name as I felt I was the same person after I married as I had been for the past 25 years. We had been married for 8 years when I read a book that changed my thinking on this matter. It explained that the reason a wife should take her husband's name is to help her make the transition from "Mr. Smith's daughter" to "Wife of John". For most women, our father is the most important male in our life, our first love interest. Don't we all want to marry our daddy when we are young? When we change our name, we change our allegiance to our husband as our number one man. True enough, I still called my dad before my husband to fulfill all the needs that he always had for me. My Christmas gift to my husband that year was my new driver's license and Social Security cards with BOTH my last names (but his was last). I had known him for 14 years at that point and it was the first time I saw him cry. We will celebrate our 20th anniversary this year and I have never regretted added my husband's name to mine. I do still use the title of Ms, though. A  man is Mr. whether he is single or married. 

[MeggCol]

I dont think a woman should change her last name if she doesnt want to. It's not something she should be presured into it is a personal descion

[sallymoon]

I did not change my name when I got married.  It was actually my husband's idea.  He told me that he fell in love with Sally (my last name) and that is who he wanted to marry.  He also said that the tradition of the woman taking the husband's last name began because the woman essentially became the man's property, and my hubby didn't want that kind of marriage.  Plus, I really like my last name, so I'm glad I kept it.  A few people told me that I HAD to change my name, but that just convinced me even more not to change it.  My husband and I do not need to share a name to share a life.  I did want our children to have his last name, and he insisted that our children have my last name as a second middle name.  The different last names can confuse people (which we find quite amusing), but it doesn't cause any problems.

[LuvNMyBbs]

I changed my maiden name to a second middle name after I got married.  I go by my husbands last name but when I have to sign my full name I use all four names.  My father died when I was 13 and we didn't have a very close relationship.  As I have gotten older I have often thought that we could have been friends.  In some small way it made me feel like I didn't have to give up another connection to him.  Both of my children also have my maiden name as a second middle name.  It makes tax time a real pain in the ass as we are somehow all listed differently but it was important to me, my husband understood, and it was a decision I haven't regretted.  I hope as my children get older they will want to learn where there second middle name originated and I can tell them about what I knew about my dad since they will never have the opportunity to know him.

edited to add: LOL@ Sally!  We were adding very similar stories at the same time...

[Talee]

I think it is up to the individual

Me personally I did change my last name, I thought it was the right thing to do.

Since I am divorced now, I wanted to take my maiden name back but then my daughter, me and my son would all three have different last names...so I figured eh...why the hassle.

 

[TikkiNippets]

i like having the same name as my husband and kids and i do get to keep  my maiden name because i dont have  a middle name so I use my maiden name as my middle name now