Hot Topic (2/8): Forgotten baby: Mistake or crime?

[Cafe GroupAdmin]

The Forgotten Baby: Crime or Mistake?

 

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Gina Kaysen Fernandes: As a working mother of three, Jennifer Riekert's life is a constant juggling act -- and one day last June she dropped the ball. In an effort to get everything done on her "to do" list, Jennifer made a terrible mistake that she never thought would ever happen to her. She accidentally left her 4-week-old baby boy alone in his car seat when she ran into a store to run an errand.

Within 10 minutes, someone spotted the newborn and called police. When Jennifer heard her license plate number broadcasted over the store's intercom "it hit me like a bolt."

Jennifer suddenly remembered, "the baby's not with my husband, he's with me!" Luckily her newborn was okay, but Jennifer is forever haunted by what happened. "It's a hard thing to come to terms with ... that you could harm the one you love," she says.

About 40 children die every year of what's known as vehicular hypothermia. While the tragic stories of babies dying in hot cars grab sensational headlines, child advocates say the act of unintentionally leaving a child in the backseat is much more common than you might think. "It's not about parenting, it's about how memories let us down," said Janette Fennell who runs the nonprofit organization, Kids and Cars. "It's not that they forget they have a kid," Fennell explains. "It has more to do with how our memory works, or in this case, how our memory doesn't work."

Researchers have found that several factors such as sleep deprivation, work-related stress, marital problems and certain medications can affect the prefrontal cortex, which is one of the most critical parts of the brain used for multi-tasking. If you're feeling exhausted and under stress, your brain is less likely to be able to handle multiple demands.

Jennifer attributes her memory lapse to "Forgotten Baby Syndrome," which occurs when there's a combination of lack of sleep, stress, emotion and a change in routine. Her distracted mind clicked on autopilot and she believed her child was safe and in the care of her husband. "I was just as in shock as everyone else," said Jennifer, who describes herself as "the ideal mother."

"I remember the day it happened to me," said Sunny Hostin, a former prosecutor and legal analyst for CNN and FOX News Channel. The self-described "supermom" told momlogic how she and her husband "completely forgot" their 2-year-old daughter was sleeping in the car seat when they headed into Home Depot. They realized their mistake a few minutes later as they entered the store. But the episode has changed the way Hostin thinks about the issue, especially when it comes to prosecuting criminal charges in fatal cases.

"I feel conflicted. There's always the question of was there real, criminal negligence or just a mother overwhelmed with too many tasks who made a tragic mistake?" said Hostin. She's seeing a growing movement towards prosecuting these cases and charging parents with more severe crimes. But the crackdown is unlikely to stop a parent from making this mistake. "The fear of getting arrested is not going to prevent you from forgetting," said Jennifer. Hostin believes the real punishment is living with the guilt. "If you've killed your kid, that's a life sentence," she says.

After authorities arrested Jennifer and charged her with child endangerment, the local media demonized her. "I was terrified to talk," said Jennifer who is now sharing her story with momlogic in hopes of educating other moms about the subject that few are willing to discuss. 

Many will argue that's not an excuse when it comes to the safety of our children. There's no clear-cut answer on how to deal with the tragic outcomes. Those who have suffered the consequences hope critics can find some compassion. "We're not monsters. We're just normal people who took on too much," says Jennifer.

Here's how you can avoid Forgotten Baby Syndrome:

• Make an agreement with your daycare provider to offer a call-back reminder service. If your child doesn't arrive at daycare, the provider will call you at home first and then at work to confirm the whereabouts of your child.

• Be mindful if your spouse/partner drops your baby off at daycare when it's not part of their daily routine. Call them to make sure your child was dropped off.

• Have a visual cue, such as putting the diaper bag in the passenger seat reminding you the baby is in the car.

• Always put something you need in the backseat like your purse or wallet.

• Call your spouse/partner after you've arrived at your destination.

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Have you ever forgotten your baby in the car (or somewhere else)?

When a mother leaves her baby alone in the car, do you think she should be punished?

Does it matter whether she leaves the baby unintentionally or on purpose?

 

[Littles1921]

It doesn't just happen in the car........

I remember when my little boy was only a couple weeks old.  I went to pick my sister, my mom, and my niece up to go to a bible study.  I set my son's car seat on the counter, while we wrangled my niece, my daughter, my sister and my mom out the door, to leave..........

I remember getting them all out the door....... and putting the key in the keyhole when I remembered....HOLY CRAP!!!  My kid was still sitting on the counter!!!

And YES I know that makes me a horrible mother!!

But I remembered before locked the door........ So yay me!!! LOL! :(

[Kalebs_mommy23]

LOL i almost left my son in his carried on the counter too, but I also remembered right out the door. 

[resamerie]

 

Have you ever forgotten your baby in the car (or somewhere else)? Never. 

When a mother leaves her baby alone in the car, do you think she should be punished? It depends on the circumstances. 

Does it matter whether she leaves the baby unintentionally or on purpose? Yes. If it is intentional, it is just wrong. 

I have read so many stories, at least 2x a year in my area that babies have died from heat exhaustion in a car. I just don't get it. I would go to get my baby out the car forgetting that she was NOT with me, she was home with daddy, etc. I guess having her with me all of the time made me that way. But I still don't understand how some people just 'forget' that they have their baby with them, sleep deprived or not.   

[mamalinzie]

Ive never forgotten my DD, but she is always with me. As a SAHM of just one child, it wasnt very often that I left her at home with daddy or a babysitter.

But I can see how somebody with a hectic lifestyle and a change in their normal routine could forget their kid. And if the child isnt harmed, they shouldnt be punished. If the child is harmed, then Im not sure.

If somebody intentionally leaves their child in the car, they definitely should be punished. I know a lady who left her 9 month old in her infant seat, in the car in a grocery store parking lot, in early January in northern Minnesota for 20 MINUTES while she went in the store!  My sister actually saw this and called the cops. The mother was NOT prosecuted! And then she did it again a few months later, but this time left her infant and her toddler alone in the van.. cops were called and once again, she was not prosecuted. This is done INTENTIONALLY.

[retsillacam]

Nope, checking the backseat is part of my "auto pilot" I check it even when I know for a fact my kids aren't with me.

[jlizgar]

They make monitors now that will beep from time to time to remind you that your baby is in the car, I think if you are so burnt out or so in a hurry or so forgetful that you feel there is even a SLIGHT chance that you would leave your child, you need to get one of these alarms and use it!

I do think its a mistake, a VERY tragic mistake with fatal consequences and I dont see how anyone could forget their child but obviously they can, it happens a lot sadly

 

[VAmomto3]

My husband forgot our son in the car when he was a few weeks old. He had dropped me at the door then went to park. As soon as he walked in without our son I noticed. I have never forgotten the kids but I worry about it. I always check the seats when we get in and out of the car even when I know I am alone.

I think if the parent intentionally left their child in the car and they got harmed then they should be punished. I do not think if the child was accidentally left in the car that the parent should be charged.

[JenE4]

I can certainly understand how it happens. I have the opposite reaction, that if I ever go anywhere w/out my toddler, I literally panic looking into my rear-view mirror thinking, "Oh my god! Where's Sofie?!" And then it immediately registers that she's with my husband or my mom. 

[Sapphire769]

I understand how this can happen, especially when it's your first child. This was one of my biggest fears after I had my son and it still is today. I remember right after I gave birth, I saw an old episode on Oprah where she had a woman on there whose 2 year old died after she forgot her in the car when she went into work. Dropping her kids off at daycare wasn't a part of her regular routine, her husband usually did it and her daughter was asleep and she died. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. All I could do was picture that was my son. I try and check to make sure my son is not in the car when I get to work. He usually snores so that helps me. My heart goes out to any parent that loses a child this way, although if a parent intentionally leaves their child in the car they shoudl be punished. We know exactly what could happen when children are left alone in cars, why would you want to take that risk intentionally?

[Des10ed2b]

i agree, that i just cant imagine this happening. like another poster said, i panic when i DONT see the kids in the car with me. But that is also becuase they are with me nearly all the time.

I do think that if it is not part of your normal routine, then i can understand forgetting for a minute or 2. but my kids are in my head all the time, i cant imagine that you dont walk into a store, thinking of your shopping list and think to your, "we need milk, cheese, diapers...omg! the baby!" and rush back out!

that being said, if someone honestly forgets, someone sees, the police are called, then i think that they should get a ONE TIME WARNING in the event the child is unharmed.

In the event that a parent is intentionally leaving their child in the car, then yes, they should be charged. Especially if something happens to the baby as a result.