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Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:48 PM
  • 2 Replies
Richard French 
by Richard French on Monday, 30 August 2010 at 21:15
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

 We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

  Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure  our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

 We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

 We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . 

 You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. 

 We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. 

 We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. 

 You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World". 

 We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.   Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.  

 Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. 

 Sincerely,John J. WallLaw Student and an American

 P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

 P. S. S.  And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:48 PM
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by Gold Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:57 PM

I like this one too

Dear Red States... 

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and 
we're taking the other Blue States with us. 

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, 
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We 
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially 
to the people of the new country of New California. 

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. 
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot 
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. 

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. 
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. 
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. 
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You 
get Alabama. 
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states 
pay their fair share. 

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the 
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a 
bunch of single moms. 

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and 
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at 
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have 
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no 
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their 
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and 
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our 
resources in Bush's Quagmire. 

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent 
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple 
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of 
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most 
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and 
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, 
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. 

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care 
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the 
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern 
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, 
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. 

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. 

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was 
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred 
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say 
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved 
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people 
with higher morals then we lefties. 

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt 
weed they grow in Mexico. 

Peace out, 
Blue States

by Platinum Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 6:10 PM

So Ohio is considered a red state then or do we get to float in between the two?

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