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Hippie Jesus vs. GOP Jesus

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:45 PM
  • 57 Replies

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.

“Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'


And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"

(Matthew 25.35-40)

I always pictured Jesus as a hippie. I mean everything you read fits that mold right? Long wavy hair, thick beard, hung out with poor folks, he even seemed like a dude that would dig living in a commune.

But from what I keep hearing on FOX News, Jesus is apparently a Republican, probably armed, and definitely against health care reform. I've had it wrong for all these years.

Well, that's what they're saying.

"Screw health care reform," they're telling me, "Jesus okayed one trillion dollars a year on military spending and we don't have enough money to spend $94 billion dollars on lazy sick people who can't afford insurance."

I guess that's in the Gospel of Mark, because according to Matthew at least, Jesus seemed like a pretty easy going cat when it came to health care access for the masses. All that crazy healing and raising of the dead without so much as a co-pay.

Candidly, I'm not sure where Republicans are getting their version of Jesus from, but their Jesus seems a little uptight if you ask me. At the end of the day, I just can't seem to reconcile GOP Jesus with Hippie Jesus, so if it's all the same with you, I'm going to let them hang on to their version, and I'll just hang on to my version.

What's shocking to me is that most of America seems to apparently be buying into the Republican take on Obamacare as articulated by GOP Jesus. (This wouldn't be the first time most of America was wrong after being conned by GOP Jesus by the way- see Iraq war- Jesus was pissed and wasn't having any bit of that turning the cheek nonsense with that Hussein fellow.)

I also keep hearing that guaranteeing insurance for 30 odd million uninsured Americans, requiring insurance companies to insure folks with "pre-existing" conditions, and forbidding those same insurance companies from cutting off their insureds after they've spent a lifetime paying premiums and had the audacity to get sick...all of this... every last bit... is "evil."

(I'm not making this up. Republicans are claiming this health care bill is evil and that Barack Obama is the devil, a Nazi, a socialist, a fascist, a communist, and anything else nasty you can think of that involves Darth Vader and the dark side of the Force. And more than half of you believe them!)

Being the party of Jesus, apparently means you have a sense of humor. After all, claiming that spending $94 billion dollars a year to give sick people health insurance as being anti-Jesus because it will bankrupt us AND turn us into communists is funny. I don't care what you say. If you don't think that's funny, you don't have a sense of humor.

Your version:

“The fact is, our country is going broke...We’re spending money we don’t have and passing it onto our kids, and at some point, somebody’s got to say, `Enough’s enough.’...Mr. President, the buzz saw that your healthcare bill ran into wasn't lobbyists and special interests it was tens of millions of American's who were saying, 'Stop!'”
-John Boehner, House Minority Leader.

"I want to make it very clear, the people I represent in the state of Arizona are not going to sit still for this. They're going to want this repealed. We will challenge this in the courts. We will challenge this in the towns. We we challenge this in the cities. We will challenge this in the farms. We challenge this all over America, and the will of the people will be heard."
-John McCain, Sen. and Republicn Nominee for President of the United States.

"To our seniors, I have a message for you: you're going to die sooner."
–Tom Coburn, Republican Sen. from Oklahoma.

"They intend to vote on the Sabbath, during Lent, to take away the liberty that we have right from God. This is an affront to God."
–Steve King, Republican Rep. from Iowa.

"The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil."
-Sarah Palin, Republican Intellectual (remember when this used to be the party of William Buckley?), former Governor of Alaska, and former Vice-Presidential candidate

"Obama's got a health care logo that's right out of Adolf Hitler's playbook."
-Rush Limbaugh, Unelected Neo-Con Blowhard.

"We should not have a government program that determines if you're going to pull the plug on grandma."
-Chuck Grassley, Republican Senator from Iowa.

"That's why people need to continue to go to the town halls, continue to melt the phone lines of their liberal members of Congress, and let them know, under no certain circumstances will I give the government control over my body and my health care decisions."
-Michele Bachmann, Republican Rep. from Minnesota and "Pro-Life" Irony Award Winner.


My version:

“ For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me...

"Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."

-Jesus Christ, Palestinian Socialist Looking for Handout and Ironic GOP icon.

I bet you if we put it to a vote, my Jesus would beat your Jesus. Then again, once FOX News gets done with their propagandist spin, half of America may just think my Jesus is the Anti-Christ.

full blog

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AmmuJSE
by Ammu on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:47 PM

sweet-a-kins
by Emerald Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:51 PM


One of my favs....

Quote:

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.

“Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'

And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"


 

nanaofsix531
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:55 PM

 Wow my Jesus sounds a lot like yours. But then I was a hippie too back in the 70's.

ecagle
by Kegel on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:57 PM

 OMG...these posts are making me laugh and they shouldn't :(

I love the hippie Jesus though :)

wulfbourne
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:58 PM

One of mine as well.  :)

Quoting sweet-a-kins:


One of my favs....

Quote:

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.

“Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'

And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"


 


wulfbourne
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:59 PM


Quoting ecagle:

 OMG...these posts are making me laugh and they shouldn't :(

I love the hippie Jesus though :)

Hippie Jesus is awesome!  That other guy with the same name is giving him a bad rap.

*psst, I probably laugh at things I shouldn't as well.  I have a bit of a dark sense of humor*

CRoseJS4
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:00 PM

♥ hippie Jesus

CRoseJS4
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:00 PM

 

Quoting AmmuJSE:

lol, that was funny 

brittaniepierce
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:02 PM

 

Quoting CRoseJS4:

♥ hippie Jesus

 


Brittanie, wife to Scott and momma to Saylor. Also TTC and hoping for baby number 2:

sweet-a-kins
by Emerald Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 4:03 PM

Hippie Jesus could kick Fox Jesus a$$....

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