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If you stay with a cheating spouse, do you get to behave this way? (PIOG)

Posted by on May. 21, 2011 at 7:38 AM
  • 39 Replies
Constantly asking how he f*cked the other woman (OW). What did they say to each other while they were f*cking, displaying any and all cards/letters that he wrote to the OW, trashing him to his family....

This is going on with an acquaintance, I thought it could make a good debate/ discussion. He ended the affair when he was caught, and it's been months ago. The wife won't leave him, however, she has decided to make his life hell. He claims that he has answered all her questions numerous times, but at this point, she is obsessing. He had begged her forgiveness in the beginning but now apparently it's just not worth it and he is seriously contemplating divorce.

So - assuming what he says is the truth (who knows, it's not like he's going to make himself look worse), is she entitled to "make his existence hell" because of infidelity? She has no intention of divorcing him.

IMO, if the wronged partner chooses to stay, he/she is not entitled to this behavior. To clarify - I feel for her, I would want to do more than verbally abuse him, but I would leave if I couldn't get my anger under control. I feel that she has every right to her anger, but she's made her choice, her behavior is doing nothing to repair the marriage. In fact, it's casusing him to contemplate giving up (again, assuming he is telling the truth about her behavior and not just attempting to garner sympathy).

Thoughts?

What would you do if you were cheated on?
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by on May. 21, 2011 at 7:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momma2b2008
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2011 at 7:42 AM
IMO if you choose to stay with your spouse that has cheated you can ask once! But to keep bringing it up is abuse! I really don't understand why people say oh I wouldnt leave but do stuff like this! If your going to to this then just leave and make everyone happy!
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bananahammock1
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2011 at 7:45 AM
I'm with you.. I wouldn't ever stay but for the people who do, they need to start over." Forgive and forget".. She is making herself more miserable by reliving it everyday!
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Stephanie329
by Ruby Member on May. 21, 2011 at 7:49 AM
I don't think I'd want to know all the gory details - yuck. Lol

Quoting momma2b2008:

IMO if you choose to stay with your spouse that has cheated you can ask once! But to keep bringing it up is abuse! I really don't understand why people say oh I wouldnt leave but do stuff like this! If your going to to this then just leave and make everyone happy!
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lmullins82
by Member on May. 21, 2011 at 7:57 AM

i wouldn't want to know all the details and i wouldn't stay. imo whats to say he won't do it again? but for those who choose to stay then no i don't believe they should behave that way. it does not help the healing process.

cjsbmom
by Lois Lane on May. 21, 2011 at 8:19 AM

Asking once might be normal. But repeatedly asking? Um, no. If you feel the need to do that, then you need to leave your marriage. What kind of marriage do you have anyway if you just want to make the other person's life "hell?"

That being said, I wouldn't want to know. Why would I want to know what DH said to another woman during sex? Knowing he cheated would be hurtful enough. I wouldn't want to know every thing he said and did. That just seems bizarre to me. But then again, cheating is a dealbreaker for me. Once trust is broken, I know from past experience it's hard for me to get over that, so it would pretty much ruin my marriage if DH ever cheated.

GOBryan
by Silver Member on May. 21, 2011 at 8:20 AM

If she's choosing to stay with him, she needs to let it go OR the marriage WILL end. He will get tired and leave. 

When she chose to stay, that should have been because she wants to try and make the marriage work, which means she let's it go and moves on; but if she's constantly bringing it up or thinking of cheating on him then it's a goner of a marriage and they should go their separate ways now. 

sweet-a-kins
by Emerald Member on May. 21, 2011 at 8:26 AM
She deserves to ask as many times as she wants...I'm sure it's eating her up inside....he man the fuc& up, realize this is what he did .....and still ask for forgiveness

He didn't cheat once and end it...he only ended because he got caught....it will talk a long time to get over

If she can stay through his piggesh cheating....he can answer some questions
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ms.sophsmom
by Silver Member on May. 21, 2011 at 8:38 AM
Right. He chose to destroy wt they gave. He needs to deal with some consequences.

Quoting sweet-a-kins:

She deserves to ask as many times as she wants...I'm sure it's eating her up inside....he man the fuc& up, realize this is what he did .....and still ask for forgiveness



He didn't cheat once and end it...he only ended because he got caught....it will talk a long time to get over



If she can stay through his piggesh cheating....he can answer some questions
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Stephanie329
by Ruby Member on May. 21, 2011 at 8:42 AM
That's the crux of it IMO. If it's "just" answering question the fine, but obsessing and "making him pay" seems different to me. Don't get me wrong, I would be worse, but I wouldn't be staying either.



Quoting ms.sophsmom:

Right. He chose to destroy wt they gave. He needs to deal with some consequences.



Quoting sweet-a-kins:

She deserves to ask as many times as she wants...I'm sure it's eating her up inside....he man the fuc& up, realize this is what he did .....and still ask for forgiveness





He didn't cheat once and end it...he only ended because he got caught....it will talk a long time to get over





If she can stay through his piggesh cheating....he can answer some questions
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ms.sophsmom
by Silver Member on May. 21, 2011 at 8:46 AM
Why would the other spouse be "paying" my getting cheated on. I think the center deserves to feel hurt n embarrassed just like the receiver of thr news does. If he isn't hurting he probably doesn't care abt wt he did to the one who loves him.

Quoting Stephanie329:

That's the crux of it IMO. If it's "just" answering question the fine, but obsessing and "making him pay" seems different to me. Don't get me wrong, I would be worse, but I wouldn't be staying either.







Quoting ms.sophsmom:

Right. He chose to destroy wt they gave. He needs to deal with some consequences.





Quoting sweet-a-kins:

She deserves to ask as many times as she wants...I'm sure it's eating her up inside....he man the fuc& up, realize this is what he did .....and still ask for forgiveness







He didn't cheat once and end it...he only ended because he got caught....it will talk a long time to get over







If she can stay through his piggesh cheating....he can answer some questions
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