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Mother doesn't let son join boy scouts because of anti-gay policy, even though her child is not gay

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This mother wouldn't allow her son to join the boy scouts because she doesn't agree with the anti-gay policy of the boy scouts.  Should her son have to suffer so the parent can take a stand on an issue?

Quote:

Why I Won't Let My Son Join The Boy Scouts

 

What Happened When My Son Asked to Join the Boy Scouts

As parents, we have the crappy job of making decisions regarding our kids. Most of the time, these choices are super easy -- like if they'll buy lunch that day, or if they should wear a jacket.

Other decisions are trickier, like if they can play at Joe's house even though his dad has guns, or if they'll attend private or public school.

It's hard as hell, and I could ask 100 different parents and get 100 different answers.

The fact is, there is no right answer, only your answer. One you often make in a caffeine-induced stupor and three-day-old underwear, surrounded by little people you wish would just shut up for five f*cking minutes so you could have a coherent thought that's not set to the tune of a Yo Gabba Gabba song, although, admittedly... all my sex dreams are now done to the soundtrack of Try It, You'll Like It!

I would say, overall, I have a 70/30 parental success rate, which sounds low, but it's not. I mean, there are no books on this... all right, yeah, there are actually tons of books on this, but seriously, who has time to read them? They're incredibly dull and if I want to feel bad about myself, I'll go into an Anthropologie and try to fit into stuff.

Andy and I make decisions for our kids together, turning to Google if we need a third party moderator, which we seldom do. His level-headed nature and my flamboyant idealism usually produce decisions that don't end in death or loss of custody or permanent body modifications.

Yesterday, Jude came home in a tizzy of excitement about campfires and pizza and BB guns and catapults, which, admittedly, all sound awesome. Where on Earth can you get all those awesome things? Boy Scouts. For $12 a year plus uniforms and badges and other random fees, you can have camping and dirt and building things and shooting stuff and boys and debauchery and fun.

I was a Girl Scout for years, and had the pleasure of working for the organization after college, and I am chomping at the bit for Gigi to be old enough to join. They have a great message, they stand for and teach amazing things, and they sell cookies that I like to eat.

Win, win, win.

But when Jude asked to join Boy Scouts, my heart hurt... because I knew we might have to
tell him no. In fact, in my head, I was already screaming no, no way, absolutely not, not happening. But, I have this almost-6-year-old beautiful boy in front of me, who's bursting at the seams to see his friends at meetings and get a free mini catapult for joining.

And suddenly things got harder. I remember my brother was in Boy Scouts for a year or two, and he would go away to camp and participate in the Pine Wood Derby, and I know, deep down, that is stuff Jude would love.

But, I also know that Boy Scouts of America has an explicit anti-gay policy. And while he may not understand all that in the grand scheme of equality and civil rights and humanity, would he understand that it meant that his friend's dad couldn't be his leader? That one of his relatives couldn't participate? That some of our dearest family friends would be unwelcome?

Do I pause all that in lieu of a pizza party and BB guns because it's easier, neater, less of an OMG TANTRUM APOCALYPSE?

I know Jude obviously won't go to meetings and get indoctrinated into an anti-gay mindset. He'd probably learn a craft and play a game and sell ridiculously overpriced stale popcorn that nobody ever wants to buy, leaving me to pick up the tab.

But, we'd also be one more family making it ok for an organization to stand for ideals we just don't agree with.

For us, the answer was no.

I've had to teach my kids lessons in the most unexpected places, usually when I am completely unprepared, and almost always while I have food in my mouth, and it sucks most of the time. Explaining life is hard, especially when you have to use clean language and Dora the Explorer analogies.

This post originally appeared on BarefootFoodie.com.

The fact is, there is no right answer, only your answer. One you often make in a caffeine-induced stupor and three-day-old underwear.


by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Replies (101-110):
Traci_Momof2
by Silver Member on May. 9, 2012 at 3:02 PM


Quoting katzmeow726:

I do disagree with the anti gay policy. But the boyscouts is a wonderful program, and if my son wants to join, I would have no issue.  I do plan on becoming a girl scout troop leader, and letting DD join scouts, so I think it's unfair to deny DS the same opportunity.  I won't discount an entire program because I disagree with one aspect of it.  

I'm with you.  My son just finished his first year of Boy Scouts.  I disagree with the anti-gay policy as well but that is such a miniscule part of what the scouts is all about.  They aren't sitting in the meetings talking the whole time about "those evil gays".  The subject has actually never come up in any of DS's meetings/interactions with Boy Scouts.  He's learned a lot of good stuff though from scouts and really enjoys it.  DH and DS will be doing a weekend camp this summer with his den.  He is really looking forward to it.

As for the OP, it's an individual parental decision.  She can decide to disallow it just as much as I can decide to allow it.  With something like this, there really is no wrong answer.

katzmeow726
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2012 at 3:08 PM

Yep.  If she feels that strongly against it, then I understand.  I don't agree, but I understand.

Quoting Traci_Momof2:


Quoting katzmeow726:

I do disagree with the anti gay policy. But the boyscouts is a wonderful program, and if my son wants to join, I would have no issue.  I do plan on becoming a girl scout troop leader, and letting DD join scouts, so I think it's unfair to deny DS the same opportunity.  I won't discount an entire program because I disagree with one aspect of it.  

I'm with you.  My son just finished his first year of Boy Scouts.  I disagree with the anti-gay policy as well but that is such a miniscule part of what the scouts is all about.  They aren't sitting in the meetings talking the whole time about "those evil gays".  The subject has actually never come up in any of DS's meetings/interactions with Boy Scouts.  He's learned a lot of good stuff though from scouts and really enjoys it.  DH and DS will be doing a weekend camp this summer with his den.  He is really looking forward to it.

As for the OP, it's an individual parental decision.  She can decide to disallow it just as much as I can decide to allow it.  With something like this, there really is no wrong answer.


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VLY
by Member on May. 11, 2012 at 9:05 AM

Your statement would be more accurate to state- just as 'most' guys aren't going to hit on you-> Meaning there will be some-

which would also translate down into "neither are -all- lesbian girls" -> meaning there still will be SOME that will!

This is where the uncomfortable ness will stem from.

Quoting PurpleCrayonz:

I'm sure that there were lesbians at those camps with you.  Why would it be any different now?  Just as all guys aren't going to "hit" on you, neither are lesbian girls.

Quoting VLY:

I'm presuming that you "lost me" at the last sentance because you thought the last sentence was refering to homosexual adults hitting on the kids- I wasn't.

I am presuming here that ANY adult in the area of leading kids SHOULD be wise enough not to be a pedophile...

That being said- if you allow scouts to cater to homosexuals then THIS opens up the kids to start having to think about OTHER KIDS hitting on them in an enviroment that they ONCE presumed was just for them to have fun.

You turn an all boy boyscout camp into a place where campers no longer feel comfortable because of worry about being hit on.

Same goes with girlscouts. I know as a teen I appreciated being able to "hang out" with the girls without worrying what the others were looking at while I wore a bathingsuit or when I was in my pj's- we were all girls. I didn't have to worry what it "meant" when another girl asked to braid my hair. We were all JUST girls.

you add homosexual teens into the mix and the teen me would be worried that every smile in 'your' direction, every offer to help me with my craft- had some sort of underlying meaning. (I had NO interest in having a boyfriend untill I was about 18- I didn't want the hassle- plus I thought many of the pickup lines and 'hitting on' tactics were sickenengly lame. so I had no desire whatso ever to be hit on.)

Quoting LauraKW:

I was seeing your point of view right up until that last sentence.

Quoting VLY:

you could let him join the group just teach him differently if he broaches the topic with you- I seriously don't see boyscouts suffering nor a mass exodus occuring.It is not like these groups PREACH these doctrines at their campers...all that is council matters stuff- the kids are too busy roasting marshmellows to even think about that sort of thing.

On the other side of things boy scouts and girl scouts should be a haven from the opposite sex. Where girls can be girls without worrying about impressing boys and boys can be boys without worrying about impressing girls. If you throw gays and lesbians into the mix than you may have kids having to worry about being hit on during camp or meetings.





matofour
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2012 at 9:19 AM
I struggle with this choice. I think the boy scouts need to change their views on gays, there views are ridiclious.
But, I know my little guy would love boy scouts.
But, I don't want to support an orginazation who has such ridiclious views. After all, it only takes one grain of rice to tip a scale (thank you Mulan). But, the reality is, it won't be me not joining that makes the orginazation change their mind. But, If many people stand up against them they will have to chance their views.
I am torn, while I know my son would love it. I can't bring myself to support the boy scout orginazation in anyway, as I feel giving them
Money in any way just sends the message that I am okay with their views on gays and lesbians, and I am not okay with their views.
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matofour
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2012 at 9:24 AM
Most
Of our boy scout troops in our school are run by moms. There are a few dads, but they are mainly moms.
And yes, guess who takes them camping? Moms!


Quoting VLY:

no... just like I don't think kids go to school to hit on other kids... Sometimes stuff just happens. From what I have heard though they are primarily restricting adults from being troop leaders- similar to why you wouldn't want a woman taking your boys out on a camping trip. It's just not done.


Quoting EvilQueenMommy:

You really think gay/lesbian kids join scouts to hit on boys/girls?

Quoting VLY:

you could let him join the group just teach him differently if he broaches the topic with you- I seriously don't see boyscouts suffering nor a mass exodus occuring.It is not like these groups PREACH these doctrines at their campers...all that is council matters stuff- the kids are too busy roasting marshmellows to even think about that sort of thing.

On the other side of things boy scouts and girl scouts should be a haven from the opposite sex. Where girls can be girls without worrying about impressing boys and boys can be boys without worrying about impressing girls. If you throw gays and lesbians into the mix than you may have kids having to worry about being hit on during camp or meetings.





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PamR
by Pam on May. 11, 2012 at 9:47 AM

Good for her.  I wish more parents would take a stand like this.

VLY
by Member on May. 11, 2012 at 11:45 AM

Hmm, I guess boyscouts are not like girlscouts then, as the girlscout troups I ever saw were always run by women.

Do they perhaps make it a requirement that you have to have a kid in the troop before you can be a mom leader?

Or that you have to be legaly married...

If not then how are they figuring out that some of these people are lesbians and not letting them join and lead based on their preference? Esp if they already let other women do it?

Are they specificaly refusing kids to join based on the KIDS preference? If they are then I could see why they would not allow a lesbian to lead because then they would have to stop refusing gay kids too.....(not saying I agree just pointing out what their 'logic' might be)

I think the fact of the matter is we don't have the whole picture as to what exactly they are doing and WHY EXACTLY they are doing it.

Quoting matofour:

Most
Of our boy scout troops in our school are run by moms. There are a few dads, but they are mainly moms.
And yes, guess who takes them camping? Moms!


Quoting VLY:

no... just like I don't think kids go to school to hit on other kids... Sometimes stuff just happens. From what I have heard though they are primarily restricting adults from being troop leaders- similar to why you wouldn't want a woman taking your boys out on a camping trip. It's just not done.


Quoting EvilQueenMommy:

You really think gay/lesbian kids join scouts to hit on boys/girls?

Quoting VLY:

you could let him join the group just teach him differently if he broaches the topic with you- I seriously don't see boyscouts suffering nor a mass exodus occuring.It is not like these groups PREACH these doctrines at their campers...all that is council matters stuff- the kids are too busy roasting marshmellows to even think about that sort of thing.

On the other side of things boy scouts and girl scouts should be a haven from the opposite sex. Where girls can be girls without worrying about impressing boys and boys can be boys without worrying about impressing girls. If you throw gays and lesbians into the mix than you may have kids having to worry about being hit on during camp or meetings.






matofour
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2012 at 11:47 AM
Boy scouts is against gay people. That's why boy scouts does what they do.
Girl scouts is a totally seperate orginazation and has zero affiliation with boy scouts.
And anyone can lead a troop (there are background checks), we have a daisy troop with a leader who has no child in the troop. She has all boys, and heard there was a troop that needed a leader and stepped up.



Quoting VLY:

Hmm, I guess boyscouts are not like girlscouts then, as the girlscout troups I ever saw were always run by women.

Do they perhaps make it a requirement that you have to have a kid in the troop before you can be a mom leader?

Or that you have to be legaly married...

If not then how are they figuring out that some of these people are lesbians and not letting them join and lead based on their preference? Esp if they already let other women do it?

Are they specificaly refusing kids to join based on the KIDS preference? If they are then I could see why they would not allow a lesbian to lead because then they would have to stop refusing gay kids too.....(not saying I agree just pointing out what their 'logic' might be)

I think the fact of the matter is we don't have the whole picture as to what exactly they are doing and WHY EXACTLY they are doing it.


Quoting matofour:

Most

Of our boy scout troops in our school are run by moms. There are a few dads, but they are mainly moms.

And yes, guess who takes them camping? Moms!





Quoting VLY:

no... just like I don't think kids go to school to hit on other kids... Sometimes stuff just happens. From what I have heard though they are primarily restricting adults from being troop leaders- similar to why you wouldn't want a woman taking your boys out on a camping trip. It's just not done.



Quoting EvilQueenMommy:

You really think gay/lesbian kids join scouts to hit on boys/girls?

Quoting VLY:

you could let him join the group just teach him differently if he broaches the topic with you- I seriously don't see boyscouts suffering nor a mass exodus occuring.It is not like these groups PREACH these doctrines at their campers...all that is council matters stuff- the kids are too busy roasting marshmellows to even think about that sort of thing.

On the other side of things boy scouts and girl scouts should be a haven from the opposite sex. Where girls can be girls without worrying about impressing boys and boys can be boys without worrying about impressing girls. If you throw gays and lesbians into the mix than you may have kids having to worry about being hit on during camp or meetings.








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BaseballMom34
by Member on May. 11, 2012 at 11:50 AM
My children won't be apart of any organization that discriminates.
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BaseballMom34
by Member on May. 11, 2012 at 11:56 AM
Yes that's true but do you want your child influenced by hate? Organizations like this continue to feed ignorant view points and children are dying because of anti gay tactics and bullying. Would you let your child join a group that believes its okay to bully people?

Quoting The_Doodle:

*shrug* Parents' beliefs will dictate what they allow their kids to do. 

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