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re: mom letting 12 year old date...now i have a question

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:12 PM
  • 11 Replies

 so im reading this post and naturally people are entitled to their own opinions..no biggy but it seems just about every mother is more concerned and quick to point the finger that if you agree with it that your going to be a grandma soon. so im sitting here thinking what if the boy or girl that your kid is "dating" does drugs...or steals anything other then sex that you would def not want your child doing, is anyone else concerned over that? i mean i hear about kids 12 yrs old shooting up or ditching class etc. wouldnt you be concerned about your kid being easily influenced by the person they like? yea i understand sex is happening alot earlier but so are other things that can happen as a result of a relatinship. a mother i work withs daughter isnt sexually active (that she knows of) but she is 13 and her  boyfriend i guess hit her are we not concerned about that when im sure all this stuff is happening more so then kids sneaking off to have sex? also wouldnt you as a parent instill good values and talk to your kids about sex and staying abstinate and saying no, explain the outcomes not only pregnancy but stds? it seems alot of moms were selling their kids short and not being trusting of them because of what everyone else is doing. why not learn to trust your kids a little until they give you a reason not too. in my opinion though id rather not be in this situation i would much rather my teen come to me asking for condoms or birthcontrol rather then finding out they are ditching school drinking doing drugs and stealing....what do you think???

by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

I am concerned about all of it.

Kchellejones330
by Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:30 PM
Hell no. No way, no how! Not happening.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
desertlvn
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:36 PM
1 mom liked this

All of it is concerning, but I think the jump to sex is because any friend could potentially do drugs, ditch, etc. But dating opens the concerns to include sex.

fairchildmama
by New Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:50 PM
1 mom liked this

 very true, yet at the same time  even friends can experiment and what not. "hey im bored wanna make out or hey everyone else is having sex so wanna be eachothers firsts" all that can happen without having a "relationship or bf/gf" guess its just one of those things..kids are trying to grown up so fast when id give anything to be a kid and not worry about bills or adult responsibilities and only worry about which backstreet boy was single lol

Quoting desertlvn:

All of it is concerning, but I think the jump to sex is because any friend could potentially do drugs, ditch, etc. But dating opens the concerns to include sex.

 

Euphoric
by Bazinga! on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:52 PM

 bump

mkuebler
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 10:50 AM

I don't think kids who are inclined to try sex are going to wait for permission from their parents to "date"--that's just a word.  I know I didn't.

Quoting desertlvn:

All of it is concerning, but I think the jump to sex is because any friend could potentially do drugs, ditch, etc. But dating opens the concerns to include sex.


One_Of_A_Kind
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:22 AM

 I am concerned about all of it. I personally don't think anyone should date until they are 16 and that is with parental supervision.

H.M.Wright
by Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:40 AM

i think once parents grow up they find it hard to remember what is was like to be a teen. Most of the people i know had sex in their teen years (including me), and most of the parents still thought their kids were virgins long after they had sex. Teens are going to have sex, unless you have the time to watch them 24 hours a day. I would rather know my kid is having safe sex (something i know is going to happen in their life eventually) then know that my kid is doing drugs, skipping school, stealing, etc (stuff nobody has any busy doing) KWIM 

Goodwoman614
by Satan on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:43 AM
I'm the one who posted the "get ready to be gramma" on the first page of comments in that post.

Let's consider a few things that at least some parents seem to be aware of, shall we?

1. It doesn't matter how well you raise your kid-values etc- you cannot really know or control the OTHER kid(s)
2. 3 words: frontal lobe development. Look it up.
3. This isn't about you, your kid, or trust you may or may not have between you. It is about unknown variables-see # 1 & 2 above.

And to the moms who say "well my kid'll just sneak off & do it anyway:" better take a trip to Planned Parenthood. They have adults there, who do a very good job of informing both teen boys and girls about reproductive health issues. They will even assist parents in becoming informed, help them learn how to talk to their kids.

Because....if you are so suffering from either parental cluelessness (often a precursor to parental permissiveness) and/or lack of parental backbone ("they'll sneak off & do it anyway;" also a precursor to parental permissiveness), you should at the very least take them to ppl who have their big girl panties well pulled up.

Did I say parental permissiveness?
I think the attitudes, motivations, etc of many parents regarding the sexuality issues of their kids is just plain neglect.
H.M.Wright
by Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:00 PM

As a teen i was educated about sex and all the possible risks associated, my parents did a good job raising me and made it clear why it was important to wait. That didn't stop me one bit from doing what i wanted to do...and it's not because they weren't involved or didn't try to monitor my actions. Kids are resourcful, and will find a way. As parents you can only teach your kids the right things to do, you can't force them to do the right thing. 

Quoting Goodwoman614:

I'm the one who posted the "get ready to be gramma" on the first page of comments in that post.

Let's consider a few things that at least some parents seem to be aware of, shall we?

1. It doesn't matter how well you raise your kid-values etc- you cannot really know or control the OTHER kid(s)
2. 3 words: frontal lobe development. Look it up.
3. This isn't about you, your kid, or trust you may or may not have between you. It is about unknown variables-see # 1 & 2 above.

And to the moms who say "well my kid'll just sneak off & do it anyway:" better take a trip to Planned Parenthood. They have adults there, who do a very good job of informing both teen boys and girls about reproductive health issues. They will even assist parents in becoming informed, help them learn how to talk to their kids.

Because....if you are so suffering from either parental cluelessness (often a precursor to parental permissiveness) and/or parental backbone ("they'll sneak off & do it anyway;" also a precursor to parental permissiveness), you should at the very least take them to ppl who have their big girl panties well pulled up.

Did I say parental permissiveness?
I think the attitudes, motivations, etc of many parents regarding the sexuality issues of their kids is just plain neglect.


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