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Why do people stay with their spouse or SO if they cheat on them????

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 I have read a lot of posts on here with people complaining  about their spouse  and SO cheating on them and they still stay with them. Why does a person stay with a person that cheats on them???  I would leave my spouse if he ever cheated on me. I just don't get it. Not sure if this is where this post belongs but I am posting it anyways.

by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:14 PM
Replies (81-90):
mom2the.rescue
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 10:47 AM
1 mom liked this

I doubt he knows that. 

Quoting JamesMom714:

My DH cheated on me twice in two years... That i know about. I stayed, and sometimes I am not sure why...
We have an almost 2 year old boy and he guilts me into staying...and maybe I am scared to leave.

He knows now that if he does it again I will leave his butt at once.


LindaClement
by Linda on May. 7, 2012 at 10:50 AM
3 moms liked this

Because some people are actually forgiving in real life.

Because for some people, it's really not all about the sex.

Because it's complicated.

Because sometimes the 'victim' knows s/he pushed their partner away.

Because sometimes the 'victim' is just as guilty.

LindaClement
by Linda on May. 7, 2012 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm with you.

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour: if you've threatened to leave 'next time' before --and didn't-- he has no reason at all to suspect you mean what you say this time.

Quoting mom2the.rescue:

I doubt he knows that. 

Quoting JamesMom714:

My DH cheated on me twice in two years... That i know about. I stayed, and sometimes I am not sure why...
We have an almost 2 year old boy and he guilts me into staying...and maybe I am scared to leave.

He knows now that if he does it again I will leave his butt at once.



AdellesMom
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this
DH cheated on me. He had a one night stand. I stayed because of my kids, and because I take my vows very seriously. However, one deciding factor was the fact that DH told me as soon as it happened. Like, the next day. Plus, he had the will and mindset to change and see a counselor so he won't make the same mistake again. Stayin with him was the best desicion, and I don't regret it.
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mom2the.rescue
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 11:06 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm happy everything worked out for you.  Stories like that seem very rare. 

Quoting AdellesMom:

DH cheated on me. He had a one night stand. I stayed because of my kids, and because I take my vows very seriously. However, one deciding factor was the fact that DH told me as soon as it happened. Like, the next day. Plus, he had the will and mindset to change and see a counselor so he won't make the same mistake again. Stayin with him was the best desicion, and I don't regret it.


queenanne
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2012 at 12:51 PM

 I'm not sure how old you are, but that might have something to do with not knowing anyone who only cheated once.

I know several people who were unfaithful once. In all cases, there were many issues within the relationship that caused a vulnerability which made the infidelity more likely.

Many of my peers who have been in long term marriages have experienced that obstacle. Some got through it together and now have a stronger and happier marriage. Some broke up. Some stayed together, but never really changed things, so they remain unhappy.

I know that many of those same people had the belief that they would leave their spouse if he/she was ever unfaithful. It wasn't until they were actually faced with the situation did they realize that it wasn't that cut & dried.

Quoting mom2the.rescue:

That sounds nice.  And might work if the cheating was a one time thing, but I've never personally met known of anyone that honestly only cheated once.  Maybe they only got caught once, but it wasn't a one time thing. 

Forgiving someone is not the same as letting them walk all over you.  You can leave a man and still forgive him, and the kids will be better in the long run.

Quoting JonJon:

Devotion to church and/or marriage, belief in a child's need for both parents and the ability to forgive a mistake and belief in the best in people, especially the ones you love.

 

 

jlo1313
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2012 at 12:56 PM

 Because leaving is hard.  Readjusting finances is not easy, facing single parenting is hard, stopping the love through the anger is hard.  Once you are married and have kids, its not as simple as just walking out the door when someone has cheated.  I don't believe many cheaters stop and realize the damage they have done, but I believe that SOME do realize it and instead of saying sorry, they can prove it.  I guess one really never knows until they are in the midst of facing it themselves.  I used to say that was a deal breaker for me until I faced it.  Now, I can say I have been there and done that and I know for sure it is a deal breaker because I know that it haunts me for years after and its easier to have a clean break with less anger and less emotional turmoil and I know I can make it on my own.

Traci_Momof2
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2012 at 12:56 PM

I believe in second chances.

Arroree
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2012 at 1:02 PM


Quoting JonJon:

Some of us were trained to put others' needs before our own.

I've been trying to break free of that training for years.

Hubs is always nagging at me that i need to be a little more selfish and do things for myself more often. I'm so bad about it that even if i get gift money for a birthday/holiday/etc i usually end up spending it on my kids or hubs rather than myself. I've been meaning to bake myself some samoa bars for over a month now but i keep putting it off to bake snacks for my kids :P

I think some of us are just hard wired to be caretakers of others around us, it's harder for us to do for ourselves unless everyone else is fully cared for first.

stormcris
by Christy on May. 7, 2012 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Sometimes because sex does not equal love. 

Sometimes because the other person cheats as well.

Sometimes because there is the assumption men are naturally weak.

Sometimes because the person accepts that humans are not naturally monogamous.

Sometimes because they will not improve their situation leaving.

Sometimes because deep down they don't care.

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