What teachers really want to tell parents
What teachers really want to tell parents
- Ron Clark is an award-winning teacher who started his own academy in Atlanta
- He wants parents to trust teachers and their advice about their students
- Clark says some teachers hand out A grades so parents won't bother them
- It's OK for kids to get in trouble sometimes; it teaches life lessons, Clark says
(CNN) -- This summer, I met a principal who was recently named as the administrator of the year in her state. She was loved and adored by all, but she told me she was leaving the profession.
I screamed, "You can't leave us," and she quite bluntly replied, "Look, if I get an offer to lead a school system of orphans, I will be all over it, but I just can't deal with parents anymore; they are killing us."
Unfortunately, this sentiment seems to be becoming more and more prevalent. Today, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list "issues with parents" as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel. Word is spreading, and the more negativity teachers receive from parents, the harder it becomes to recruit the best and the brightest out of colleges.
So, what can we do to stem the tide? What do teachers really need parents to understand?
For starters, we are educators, not nannies. We are educated professionals who work with kids every day and often see your child in a different light than you do. If we give you advice, don't fight it. Take it, and digest it in the same way you would consider advice from a doctor or lawyer. I have become used to some parents who just don't want to hear anything negative about their child, but sometimes if you're willing to take early warning advice to heart, it can help you head off an issue that could become much greater in the future.
Trust us. At times when I tell parents that their child has been a behavior problem, I can almost see the hairs rise on their backs. They are ready to fight and defend their child, and it is exhausting. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell a mom something her son did and she turns, looks at him and asks, "Is that true?" Well, of course it's true. I just told you. And please don't ask whether a classmate can confirm what happened or whether another teacher might have been present. It only demeans teachers and weakens the partnership between teacher and parent.
Please quit with all the excuses
And if you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them. I was talking with a parent and her son about his summer reading assignments. He told me he hadn't started, and I let him know I was extremely disappointed because school starts in two weeks.
His mother chimed in and told me that it had been a horrible summer for them because of family issues they'd been through in July. I said I was so sorry, but I couldn't help but point out that the assignments were given in May. She quickly added that she was allowing her child some "fun time" during the summer before getting back to work in July and that it wasn't his fault the work wasn't complete.
Can you feel my pain?
Some parents will make excuses regardless of the situation, and they are raising children who will grow into adults who turn toward excuses and do not create a strong work ethic. If you don't want your child to end up 25 and jobless, sitting on your couch eating potato chips, then stop making excuses for why they aren't succeeding. Instead, focus on finding solutions.
Parents, be a partner instead of a prosecutor
And parents, you know, it's OK for your child to get in trouble sometimes. It builds character and teaches life lessons. As teachers, we are vexed by those parents who stand in the way of those lessons; we call them helicopter parents because they want to swoop in and save their child every time something goes wrong. If we give a child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don't set up a time to meet with me to negotiate extra credit for an 80. It's a 79, regardless of whether you think it should be a B+.
This one may be hard to accept, but you shouldn't assume that because your child makes straight A's that he/she is getting a good education. The truth is, a lot of times it's the bad teachers who give the easiest grades, because they know by giving good grades everyone will leave them alone. Parents will say, "My child has a great teacher! He made all A's this year!"
Wow. Come on now. In all honesty, it's usually the best teachers who are giving the lowest grades, because they are raising expectations. Yet, when your children receive low scores you want to complain and head to the principal's office.
Please, take a step back and get a good look at the landscape. Before you challenge those low grades you feel the teacher has "given" your child, you might need to realize your child "earned" those grades and that the teacher you are complaining about is actually the one that is providing the best education.
And please, be a partner instead of a prosecutor. I had a child cheat on a test, and his parents threatened to call a lawyer because I was labeling him a criminal. I know that sounds crazy, but principals all across the country are telling me that more and more lawyers are accompanying parents for school meetings dealing with their children.
Teachers walking on eggshells
I feel so sorry for administrators and teachers these days whose hands are completely tied. In many ways, we live in fear of what will happen next. We walk on eggshells in a watered-down education system where teachers lack the courage to be honest and speak their minds. If they make a slight mistake, it can become a major disaster.
My mom just told me a child at a local school wrote on his face with a permanent marker. The teacher tried to get it off with a wash cloth, and it left a red mark on the side of his face. The parent called the media, and the teacher lost her job. My mom, my very own mother, said, "Can you believe that woman did that?"
I felt hit in the gut. I honestly would have probably tried to get the mark off as well. To think that we might lose our jobs over something so minor is scary. Why would anyone want to enter our profession? If our teachers continue to feel threatened and scared, you will rob our schools of our best and handcuff our efforts to recruit tomorrow's outstanding educators.
Finally, deal with negative situations in a professional manner.
If your child said something happened in the classroom that concerns you, ask to meet with the teacher and approach the situation by saying, "I wanted to let you know something my child said took place in your class, because I know that children can exaggerate and that there are always two sides to every story. I was hoping you could shed some light for me." If you aren't happy with the result, then take your concerns to the principal, but above all else, never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child. If he knows you don't respect her, he won't either, and that will lead to a whole host of new problems.
We know you love your children. We love them, too. We just ask -- and beg of you -- to trust us, support us and work with the system, not against it. We need you to have our backs, and we need you to give us the respect we deserve. Lift us up and make us feel appreciated, and we will work even harder to give your child the best education possible.
That's a teacher's promise, from me to you.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/06/living/teachers-want-to-tell-parents/index.html
Kids aren't in school yet so no lol.
I believe it though. Just working four days in a daycare, a majority of the parents were entitled little whinebags and none of them thought they were either.
Great article.
I see it often. Parents refuse to listen, to acknowledge that their precious child(ren) could ever do any thing remotely wrong. They have an excuse for any and every thing.
I have always made myself quite clear when it comes to my children and their school work and their behavior while in school. If they are not doing as they should be doing, if they dare to act up in any manner, I want to know about it. I hold no misgivings about the possibility that my daughter(s) are far from perfect.
I can imagine how frustrating it is for teachers who have to deal with parents who wear blinders.
Now, this leads me to say that teachers have a professional responsibility, and ethical one, to watch what they say to their students. As demonstrated in the other thread.
Wow....I agree so heartily with this.
I wouldn't want to be a teacher in a MILLION years...nor for a million dollars. The crap that most teachers and administrators have to deal with from dead beat parents and parents who expect teachers to parent their children is ridiculous.
Teachers are more and more losing the ability to teach because they have to continually stop and address behavioral issues during class time. Valuable class time lost because of children unable or unwilling to follow instruction or simply sit and learn....sometimes even having violent outbursts. And what happens when these children are reprimanded for this behavior???? The parents, more often than not, will find a way to point the finger at the school.......it's sad.
I just don't understand a parent who follows that line of thinking. It seems pretty darn obvious doing those things (in the article) will undermine your children's education in so many ways.
I expect my kids to work hard. I don't accept excuses from them, and I certainly would never excuse my children in school if they didn't do their work. Give me a break. I think one of the main "points" of parenting is to raise educated, responsible, hard-working children.
to be honest I was considering an teaching profession nowadays and this article just scared the heck outta me! 
NOPE and yes I have pitched a fit from hell one time with my daughter's Jr high School and believe me I wasn't the only parent that did either.
Being a dance teacher ugh... I feel the pain for the teachers and the annoying parents hence why I have decided to start a new career before I die. As much as I love working with the kids and teaching them cook movements, 27 years of squabbling parents has run me down and i am just burned out with it all. Not a bad thing, i think all of us should attempt to try at least two different careers in our life time.
But as for my one fit I had, oh my... I did play it cool but I did have to make a threat to the vice principal who thought I would have SYMPATHY on behalf of the boys that were chanting about my daughter and two other girls how their DADDY rapes them and the constant harrassment that had taken place (btw I addressed the issues with the boys before and they swore they would take care of the matter) and yet it continued and I simply made reminders the boys have not stopped. But once that rape comment happened and the teacher DID NOTHING the boys were simply told to sit down and be quiet, really?
Vice principal thought he would gain my sympathy by telling me how the boys came from abusive homes... You know this and yet you do nothing about it and just allow the boys to act horridly because they will get beat if you call the parents!?
While I do sympathize regards to child abuse it amazed me he failed to realize that he failed to do his job, called CPS! Anyhow I have to threaten harrassment charges not only against the boys but against the vice principal as well because he made it clear the only punishment the boys get is after school or in school suspension and parents not notified. Yet these same boys continue their behavior immediately once they are unsuspended.
Saddly there is more... They had a handful of trouble making kids one girl constantly spitting on my daughter which I also made complaint about, and the same thing happened with her, they tried to gain my sympathy.... We moved so luckily my daughter attended a much better and STABLE jr high after her 7th grade hell year...........
I still shake my head at that shit!
Quoting futureshock:Have any of you been guilty of any of these things?
The Young Won't Buy ObamaCare
- futureshock
on Jun. 2, 2012 at 9:17 PM