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Perspective after surviving abuse

Posted by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 12:51 AM
  • 44 Replies


Do people who are survivors of abuse (any type) have less tolerance for other's weakness?

by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 12:51 AM
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deesam
by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 12:55 AM
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I think so, as a person of child abuse and rape for years. I have no patience for someone who is weak.
You need to protect yourself as no one else will.
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BonneVie
by Member on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:02 AM
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I nearly died at the hands of my abuser. I think what I went through made me so damned tough that I don't let emotion show. Its almost a self protection mechanism. However, I DO feel intense sympathy for those who are weak. I have made it my lifes goal to protect those who cannot protect themselves.
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andiemomo3
by Andie on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:30 AM
As a survivor, I don't have less tolerance for fellow sufferers. I have more empathy and willingness to help a fellow survivor.

I don't have tolerance for true weak people in general. I believe there is a huge difference between a weak person and someone who has been beaten ( and the etcs) down into submission time and again. The survivors who come out easily on top were usually very strong to begin with. Though, I do believe that some forms of pain make one stronger.

I think a true weak person is one with many faults not caused necessarily by abuse. Sometimes they are simply born with weaknesses or learn them at the hand of someone they admire. Lack of empathy, innate cruelty, disdain for others. These are some of what I feel are true weaknesses.

My abuse made me stronger, more aware of other's pain, more tolerant of those in pain and more willing to help others sort out their demons.

My abuse gave me a weakness that I cannot get rid of. A memory blackout issue. I don't get to pick and choose what I block out. I have days, months, years of memories that are simply gone. Until I learn how to get them back or control this, it's a weakness I have to live with and cannot help. Therefore, it's good for me to remember that some of those "weaknesses" are hard to control and/or get rid of.
stormcris
by Christy on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:34 AM
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Alright I think perhaps I need to clarify I meant general weakness in people not others who are abused... more like the ones who always complain about the situation of their life but never does anything to try to improve the situation even though they could.

I like what you had to say about it. 

Quoting andiemomo3:

As a survivor, I don't have less tolerance for fellow sufferers. I have more empathy and willingness to help a fellow survivor.

I don't have tolerance for true weak people in general. I believe there is a huge difference between a weak person and someone who has been beaten ( and the etcs) down into submission time and again. The survivors who come out easily on top were usually very strong to begin with. Though, I do believe that some forms of pain make one stronger.

I think a true weak person is one with many faults not caused necessarily by abuse. Sometimes they are simply born with weaknesses or learn them at the hand of someone they admire. Lack of empathy, innate cruelty, disdain for others. These are some of what I feel are true weaknesses.

My abuse made me stronger, more aware of other's pain, more tolerant of those in pain and more willing to help others sort out their demons.

My abuse gave me a weakness that I cannot get rid of. A memory blackout issue. I don't get to pick and choose what I block out. I have days, months, years of memories that are simply gone. Until I learn how to get them back or control this, it's a weakness I have to live with and cannot help. Therefore, it's good for me to remember that some of those "weaknesses" are hard to control and/or get rid of.


Fear of serious injury alone cannot justify oppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears.
Louis D. Brandeis
andiemomo3
by Andie on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:40 AM
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Quoting stormcris:


thanks. Good on the clarification. Because I really wasn't sure. So I went at it from both angles.

I just have no tolerance for what can only be described as stupid people. Does that count?
stormcris
by Christy on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes :)

Quoting andiemomo3:

Quoting stormcris:


thanks. Good on the clarification. Because I really wasn't sure. So I went at it from both angles.

I just have no tolerance for what can only be described as stupid people. Does that count?


Fear of serious injury alone cannot justify oppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears.
Louis D. Brandeis
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:47 AM

I know that at one time I definitely had a low tolerance for other people that showed their weakness. Now I try to be more sympathetic even if I'm not feeling it. I wonder if that's going to change. Lately I've been haunted by my rape. I think it's because  I have children and I am so fearful for them. I might have to go back to therapy.

Dimples04
by Member on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:47 AM
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I work in a Domestic Violence shelter and if you or someone you know is being abused you need to get help.  ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR COMPUTER CAN TELL YOUR ABUSER YOUR PLANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND DELETE ALL INFORMATION THAT YOU LOOK UP IN REFERENCE TO LEAVING OR GETTING HELP.  Violence doesn't know any discrimination.  If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE call the National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) whoever answers the line can direct you to a local shelter or answer any questions you may have.  Any Shelter is there to help women and child (and some also help male victims) get the counseling and any other help that they need to get through the difficult time.  Abuse can be Emotional abuse (name calling, putting someone down, or controlling who/what they see or do), Physical Abuse (hitting, kicking, biting, anything that causes physical pain), Sexual abuse (can also be from a spouse or otherwise intimate partner when it is a unwanted occurance.)  Leaving your partner is the most dangerous time, wait until he/she is gone and then pack whatever you will need and just leave.   Good Luck and Don't forget that help is never more than a phone call away 24 / 7 / 365.

* To delete your history:  go to control panel, internet options, delete cookies, delete files, delete history.  EVERYTIME!!  
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

·Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
·Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
·Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
·Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
·Does not want you to work.
·Controls finances or refuses to share money.
·Punishes you by withholding affection.
·Expects you to ask permission.
·Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
·Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
·Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
·Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or Strangled you.
·Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
·Scared you by driving recklessly.
·Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
·Forced you to leave your home.
·Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
·Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
·Hurt your children.
·Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
·Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
·Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
·Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
·Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
·Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
·Held you down during sex.
·Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
·Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
·Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
·Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
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Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:49 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting stormcris:

Alright I think perhaps I need to clarify I meant general weakness in people not others who are abused... more like the ones who always complain about the situation of their life but never does anything to try to improve the situation even though they could.

I like what you had to say about it. 

I have a very low tolerance for habitual complainers.

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Jun. 15, 2012 at 2:12 AM
2 moms liked this
I dunno. It can go either way depending on the person. I have an overdeveloped sense of empathy and I can read mood and body language so well it is kinda creepy at times.
While in school and going out with friends, I could always tell when a fight was about to breakout, even if it was halfway across the bar. I would stop and glance around and then point and say "Those two frat boys are about to throw down." Or "Those lipstick lesbians are about to start shouting over the new girl."
"No way, dude, they are five feet away from each other and they aren't even looking at each other..." And by that point, the punches were flying or nasty screaming matches were starting. Then people would ask how I knew and I honestly don't know. It's like knowing when barometric pressure drops. It is a definite feeling but it is hard to describe.

I used to want to go into psychology because it is easy for me to make personal connections and get the truth out of people but I decided I had no right to tell someone how to be normal or stable since I knew I was crazy as hell. I also looked around one of my advanced psych classes in college and realized that every single person in that class, every damn one had an identifiable emotional disorder if they weren't just straight up batshit. None of them had the right to lead anyone into normalcy. I walked out in the middle of class that day and changed my major to political science.
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