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Mother Doesn't Like Her Own Child

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:25 PM
  • 78 Replies


Quote:

Mother Doesn't Like Her Own Child

girl having a tantrum
© Alloy Photography for Veer

Many parents have moments where they don’t like their own kid, but the feeling is fleeting. But what if you truly can’t stand the child born to you? The essay that appears in the June issue of Redbook, “Why Don’t I Like My Own Child?”, explores this question. The author, who writes under a pseudonym in order to protect her child, explains that her feelings of disappointment toward her anti-social, developmentally delayed daughter, Sophie, which were only quelled by a diagnosis of growth hormone deficiency at age 7.

Disappointment, frustration and confusion are all emotions that accompany any kind of situation where expectations aren’t met, including parenting. So why do a first-time mom’s expectations of a vibrant, loving child and the reality of an eccentric, maladjusted kid, and the feelings of dissatisfaction that come with it, inspire such outrage? Just check out some of the comments on the article, and on TODAYMoms, which featured an anonymous interview with the mom this morning.

What do you think? Should parents admit if they don’t like their child so they can get help and understanding, or is the risk of it damaging the child just too great?

http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/mother-doesnt-like-own-child?con=blog&loc=bottomprev

So why do a first-time mom’s expectations of a vibrant, loving child and the reality of an eccentric, maladjusted kid, and the feelings of dissatisfaction that come with it, inspire such outrage?

by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:26 PM
8 moms liked this

After watching many SuperNanny episodes, I'm surprised there aren't a lot more people who do not like their children, lol.

muslimahpj
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:41 PM
5 moms liked this


Quoting futureshock:

After watching many SuperNanny episodes, I'm surprised there aren't a lot more people who do not like their children, lol.

Im sure there are, they just wont admit it.

As moms, we put enough guilt on ourselves without having to giving outsiders any ammunition to attack us.

Paperfishies
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:43 PM
I've never had a "fleeting moment" where I dislike my kids. I have pretty awesome kids.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:45 PM
4 moms liked this

This woman has courage to speak about this.  I understand why she does not use her name.  There is enough backlash with out people knowing who she is.  I can imagine some would take it upon themselves to enlighten her young daughter about her feelings.

There are many mothers, and fathers, who do not like their children.  The reasons vary, obviously.  I can imagine it is an awful feeling and one that is hard to deal with.  We are expected to love our children.  We are expected to do as others feel is proper and right and what society has told us to do.

Sometimes real life just doesn't work out that way.  I can't imagine not liking one, or all, of my children.........long term, every day, all day.  But I feel for those parents who do have these feelings.  

It is a very private matter that can have lasting and long reaching consequences.  But how private?  Who does one tell where the person will not be ridiculed and looked at as if they have three heads?  A therapist?  A friend?  Their spouse?  I can imagine trust would be very hard to come by.

What an awful place to be in.  I hope this mother, and all others that feel like she does, do reach out for help with their feelings.  Not liking your child does not automatically equate to the extreme opposite.  

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." ~ Maya Angelou

GoddessNDaRuff
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:46 PM
4 moms liked this
Anyone remember the backlash that one chick got for saying she was bored with her toddlers and dreaded mommy and me type stuff? I don't know why when we become mothers folks expect us not to have negative feelings about motherhood. It starts with pregnancy. People really expect you to look forward to and enjoy everything that has to do with motherhood. Your not allowed to not want or like your offspring. Just because you gave birth to them doesn't mean you have to like them imo.
Jean8282
by New Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 9:58 PM

I was very dissapointed with my daughter when she was younger because I did everything with her I changed, fed, played with, bathed and snuggled her every day for most of the day but she liked daddy better. I could never get her to quit crying when she was not happy only daddy could and he hardly ever did anything with her. We just never connected with each other. I saw how other mothers had an amazing bond with their childeren and wanted to be like that but it just didnt happen so I grew frustrated with her. I never hurt her but I just felt bitter towards her. After 2 1/2 years we have developed a strong bond and I am not feeling that way towards her, all my anger and dissapointment are gone and replaced with happiness and love. Instead of being angry because she was not what I wanted I learned to love her for who she is.  I have a son now that I connected with as soon as he was born and I love them both equally. So i can say that I did not like my daughter for the first year of her life. I cared for her played with her and did all the things I would have done if I had connected with her because I didnt want to ruin her life just because of my feelings towards her. I knew it was not her fault and worked through my feelings and now we are closer than ever.... Even if she makes me want to scream sometimes, but what two year old dosent? lol

anxiousschk
by anxiouss on Jun. 17, 2012 at 10:41 PM
2 moms liked this

I had difficulty with the backlash.  Is it so great because so many mothers recognized something of themselves in that article and had trouble handling it? 

Hell, it took me a long time to "bond" with my daughter.  It took me even longer to "like" her.  I loved her from the start but nothing was easy.  

You throw PPD with a high-intensity baby and a hugely difficult birth...it was a really rough start. 

romalove
by Roma on Jun. 17, 2012 at 11:00 PM

 

Quoting Paperfishies:

I've never had a "fleeting moment" where I dislike my kids. I have pretty awesome kids.

 How old are they?

Paperfishies
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 11:01 PM
8 and 2.


Quoting romalove:

 


Quoting Paperfishies:

I've never had a "fleeting moment" where I dislike my kids. I have pretty awesome kids.

 How old are they?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
romalove
by Roma on Jun. 17, 2012 at 11:03 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting Paperfishies:

8 and 2.


Quoting romalove:

 


Quoting Paperfishies:

I've never had a "fleeting moment" where I dislike my kids. I have pretty awesome kids.

 How old are they?


 I asked because I have pretty awesome kids too, but when they were 12 through 18 (one of mine is now 16 so we're still in the throes of it) there were days I couldn't stand them.  And I love and adore each of them.

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