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how do you correct childish behavior in an adult

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:03 PM
  • 20 Replies


My husband has problems with Internet porn addiction.

I had him install safeeyes on his computer and safeeyes sends me an email to notify me when he attempts to view a porn site.

He says that he wants to change and I know he does because he confessed his addiction to me.  I had no idea that he was spending on this time on porn sites.

When I asked him how I could help he stated that he wanted to be "kept on a very short leash" and be held accountable by being grounded, remove privileges - no Internet, TV, no meals out, etc., assigned chores,  and scoldings.

OK.  Now that I know, now what? 

What should I do?

If he were 16 years old, I'd know how to punish him and correct his bad behavior.

I'm not sure what to do with him or how to correct childish behavior in an adult.

Thanks,

Jan


by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Radarma
by "OneDar" on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:25 PM

 I suggest a marriage counselor.

 

fliptopz4
by Bronze Member on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this

You are not his mother!! If he can't stop on his own suggest he go to counselling

katy_kay08
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:31 PM
4 moms liked this

I would never agree to step into the role of "mom" with my husband.  I would support him seeking out a support group to help with his addiction but I would resent having to be his "mom". It is a quick way to even bigger issues as he sets you up to the be the bad guy; and I don't for a second think he won't resent you for doing exactly what he has asked you to do.  

Peanutx3
by Ruby Member on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:33 PM

I agree with Katy_kay.

TugBoatMama
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:35 PM
No way. He is asking you to be his self control mechanism. He needs to do the work on his own self control and not use you as a sub for that.
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JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:35 PM

 

Quoting katy_kay08:

I would never agree to step into the role of "mom" with my husband.  I would support him seeking out a support group to help with his addiction but I would resent having to be his "mom"; and it is a quick way to even bigger issues as he sets you up to the be the bad guy and I don't for a second think he won't resent you for doing exactly what he has asked you to do.  

 Pretty much this.

Addiction issues aren't really something that can be "cured" with punishment.  I would suggest seeing a professional. 

friendlymom48
by Member on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Counseling
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katy_kay08
by on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh and to answer your question, you don't "fix" childish behavior in adults by treating them like a child.  You "fix" it by elevating your expectations and establishing boundaries of what you will and won't accept. 

MahgonayMom
by Member on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this

While I am hoping you are trolling! on the chance that you are not. As a psychotherapist. I suggest that you don't do ANY of these things. Hell, it sounds like your life becoming lived out fetish! However, If he truly wants help he need to go to a professional. You are not his mother, he's not a child. You are not to hold him accountalbe for his actions. He's to do this himself and when he can't he's not to put that entire job on you. 

He needs therapy. He has an addiction - it's not "childish" behaviors. If he was addicted to drugs would you then be his sponsor! His accountablity partner should be someone that he can call and say anything to and get the truth (never sugar coated). If he truly felt you would do this, then he wouldn't have taken a minute to tell you. Usually when an addict comes out and gives himself up - they've done something really stupid or hit rock bottom! (FYI: check the credit card bills)

SavdNSanctified
by Member on Jul. 12, 2012 at 1:40 PM
Sounds like he's found a fetish. I highly recommended marriage and addiction counseling.
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