Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Pot-smoking moms tired of being judged by wine drinkers

Posted by   + Show Post

Every night, Margaret’s two boys fly into the house after sports practice and flip on the TV, while she races to the kitchen to get dinner cooking. “It’s that tedious witching hour when I feel incredibly frazzled,” says the Tennessee singer/songwriter mom of a 6- and an 8-year-old. But instead of pouring herself a glass or two of merlot, she heads to the standalone garage next to their house for a few puffs of Humboldt Kush, one of the four strains of pot she smokes seven days a week.

The drug helps her keep focus on the giant statue of popsicle sticks she’s building with her kids and relaxes her so she can get through the rest of the night without stressing. “It can make folding a pile of laundry fun,” says Margaret, 45, who asked that we not use her last name for fear of getting in trouble with the law. “If I didn’t smoke, that’d be three piles later in the week.”

Still, she doesn’t flaunt her marijuana use. Her sons aren’t allowed to go into the room where she keeps the drugs locked up, and she hides it from other moms who would keep their kids away if they knew she smoked pot.

“Being judged for doing something nontoxic and totally organic, enjoying a god-given plant, by moms who suck back two bottles of Chardonnay like sports drinks feels like s---,” complains Margaret. “Any hypocrisy is hard to swallow. A drunk mother is pathetic and I often leave parties when I experience other mothers tying one on.”

Margaret isn’t the only pot-smoking mom tired of being judged by moms who religiously drink glasses of wine or “mommy juice.” Recently, one mom stirred up some controversy when she admitted to parenting while stoned in an essay on Jezebel.com. Today, the group Moms for Marijuana International has more than 18,000 likes on Facebook.

“No matter what you use, you shouldn’t be judged if it works for you, you’re productive, and you do no harm,” says Diane Fornbacher, co-vice chair of the Women’s Alliance at NORML, the non-profit lobbying organization working to legalize marijuana. “Marijuana parents aren’t perfect, but they’re far less imperfect than parents who use alcohol irresponsibly. Cannabis can influence people to be nicer to one another. You rarely find a story that says two stoners beat each other up outside of a bar.”

Sharon Letts, a California mom who brewed Cannabis tea for her 16-year-old daughter when she was stricken with pain from fibromyalgia, agrees. “Cannabis takes the edge off your day, in the same way wine does. But it’s not addictive, it is habitual. It doesn’t ruin your body like alcohol. I would much rather see parents using cannabis than alcohol — hands down.”

Of course, pot is illegal and alcohol is legal. Letts and her daughter felt paranoid that the tea’s smell would alert their neighbors. The price for getting caught is high. In some states, moms risk getting arrested and incarcerated, as well as having their kids taken away from them.

“If I wanted to, I could sit with a glass of wine in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other, with a cigarette pressed between my lips, under the influence of prescription narcotics — all the while holding my child in my lap,” says Serra Frank, founding director of Moms for Marijuana and mother of two, ages 9 and 12.

Live Poll

Is it OK for moms to smoke pot?

View Results

“Everywhere we look our families are bombarded with advertisements for these drugs. Our societies benefit from taxes placed on the manufacture and sale of these drugs. Yet, we can’t make the decision to choose one of the most commonly used drugs, one that has proven to be much safer than all the rest? That’s just not logical.”

Whether a mom chooses wine or pot to take the edge off her day, how she uses the drug is important to consider.

“Is she smoking while taking care of an infant, in front of teenage children, or sharing it with her children?” asks Nancy Day, an epidemiologist and professor of psychiatry and epidemiology at the University of Pittsburgh’s School of Medicine. “It is also critical to know whether she is pregnant or not, as we know that marijuana use during pregnancy affects the central nervous system development of the fetus. Additionally, since marijuana is still an illicit substance, has she considered the message she is giving to her children?”

Mothers should know that there are some health concerns for children specific to marijuana use, says Day, beyond the effects of prenatal exposure on the fetus. The children of moms who smoke are more likely to use marijuana and to start use earlier. And kids who start using marijuana before age 16 have a higher rate of psychiatric disorders, as well as other behavioral problems. 

A mom should be concerned and look for help if she finds herself using marijuana more often than she used to, needs marijuana to function on a daily basis, chooses to smoke rather than doing other things, spends money on marijuana that might better be used for something else, or if she can't quit, says Day. The same goes for parents who use alcohol.

http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/07/16/12752632-pot-smoking-moms-tired-of-being-judged-by-wine-drinkers

I have to agree with this. It gets frustrating when one chooses to use a natural, non-addictive substance that has never caused one death in thousands of years of use and being looked down on by people who use a variety of substances that cause much more harm. I never see the nasty judgemental tude towards moms who use rx meds or otc substances like alcohol, tobacco, etc that cause much more harm, on a regular basis.

 


Thank God......it's Friday!!!

by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 1:19 PM
Replies (211-216):
LexRi0709
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:39 AM
That's where I'm at now. I do the best I can for my dd when she is here. I refuse to speak bad about him in front of her, even though he does say stuff about me to her. I'm not her friend, I'm her parent and I have to say that to her a lot. He tells her she is his best friend, so she thinks its normal. I do damage control asmuch as possible. Now, its up to the courts. I don't expect money from him, but I expect him to be held accountable for not paying it, which is kind of what the state is doing. He's still ordered to pay. The whole thing is such a mess, but this is what I deal with daily. Thank you for offering advice though. Although you don't live it, it seems as though you understand the frustration of it all.

Quoting EireLass:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. What a mess, and horrible for you emotionally.

You do know you will not get child support, right? Unless it's taken directly from someone's pay, only a noble man would pay, regardless of court order. If he loses his license, that will not affect anything. Someone like him (I know, I don't even know him) will continue to drive, will not pay you, and will continue to smoke and make deals with the child present. That's why you need to take your focus OFF him, and only put it on the child. The child being young, does not really have a say in where she goes....it's your responsibility to make that decision. Yes, initially she'll think your mean, etc.....but you're not her friend, you're her parent. People like your ex end up showing thier ass-holery on their own, and your child will see it, and realize all you do is for her benefit.

Good Luck!!! :o)

Quoting LexRi0709:

 He has a history of dv. He hit me when dd was about 2 months old while I was holding her. I was 19 and dumb and just ran. I never called the cops. When he took me to court for custody - after not being present for my entire pregnancy, or 6 months of her life after he hit me - the judge told me that I was not allowed to withhold visitation for any reason and if I did she would make sure I lost custody. She said if there was  reason to withhold visitation it better be reported and investigated by cps. So heeding that warning, I have done everything I can possibly do to change the situation but nothing works...as of yet. Basically I've been told by 3 lawyers not to withhold visitation and to let him hang himself. Slowly he is doing it. He is $17,000 behind in child support and the state is pursuing suspending his drivers license, his ex who I am friends with knows he smokes in front of dd and I'm waiting for her to report it to cps, the fact that although the court order is 50/50, he lives in another county 20 miles away from her school with unreliable transportation to get her to and from school. I haven't even talked to the school about the fact it is a 50/50 order but he lives in anther county to see how that could affect her being able to go to school in my district.


There is so much going on, but I've always been told that it has to be something seriously detrimental to the child...like abuse or blatant neglect...for the court to get involved and change anything. I have just filed for mediation which is the only thing I can do right now. Its the court process before I can file for a change in visitation we must go through mediation. Since I requested it, he has to be the one to set it up, If he doesn't its documented and then I can file to go back to court. We had a verbal agreement to change visitation for school, then he "talked" to dd about it and she came to my home yesterday telling me "daddy cant be away from me for that long because he loves me to much and will miss me to bad, so I don't want to change". He told me that if I filed for mediation he was going to go after me for custody because "I don't want the court to think I'm giving up my kid". I'm guessing it has more to do with the fact that child support would be significantly modified due to him having her much less. 


So, now I just have to sit and wait to see if he responds. He is also court ordered to pay $400 by the 27th this month or the state will suspend his license. So, I'm waiting to find out if he pays. If he doesn't that's just another thing I can try to use against him. 


Quoting EireLass:

I'm not talking about reporting him to the police for drug use. I'm talking about putting them on notice, as usually in a situation like this, the 'pick up parent' would go to the police and make a scene of you not being there. You need to be more responsible to your child and not allow her to be around anyone you deem unnecessary. You can do it all without an attorney. I just assumed because you were already divorced or had a settlement agreement, you had an attorney. Even when a divorce is final, anything regarding children in the divorce continues to be an open book until the child is 19 (or whatever age your divorce decree states...some it's 21).


Quoting LexRi0709:

The cops legally can't do anything because unless it is in plain sight they can't search. I don't have $5,000 for a retainer for an attoney, but have consulted with 3 different ones who all said the same thing...until something serious happens the judge will not change the order. 50/50 is now the law here in fl and unless I can show beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is unfit they won't do anything. I talked to countless cops and the court about the whole thing.

Quoting EireLass:

Of course you can do something about it. All you have to do it go to your police department, make them aware of your divorce/custody, etc, and let them know of the situation. When he comes to pick up the child, you and child are not home.....conveniently. Call your attorney, or write a note letting them know of the situation. Wait until he calls his attorney, who will call for a meeting. You can tell his attorney your reasoning, and his attorney will not be able to force his situation. You don't need to discuss this with the father. He already knows the issue.


Quoting LexRi0709:

Legally I have no choice. We have 50/50 court ordered visitation. I have clearly expressed my concerns and he listens, says he agrees, then has the guy over to hang out. I can't do anything about it. Trust me, I've tried.

Quoting EireLass:

And you let her around him.


Quoting LexRi0709:

This. I have an issue with both when they are used not to "take the edge off" but rather usedto get high or drunk. Thre is a big difference.  Dd bd smokes pot in front of her. I have no respect for that. His dealer (I've been introduced to him, but thought he was just a friend until recently) is very creepy. Bd says he is creeped out by this guy, but allows him around dd all the time.  And pot now is not pure. There are so many different things that are put into it. As a teen in my smoking days I got pot laced with lsd. Looking at it you couldn't tell. It tasted a little different, but that was it. There wasn't a different smell or anything.


Quoting teri4lance:

my only issue is parents buying and possessing in states where it is still illegal. I think it's irresponsible bc it's illegal and you put yourself in a position to associate with criminals (dealers) and to get into legal trouble. I do think it should be legalized, but until it is, parents need to stay away for the good of their family.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
EireLass
by Ruby Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 11:18 AM

I did live it in the past. My kids are now 32 & 29. No drugs involved, but a situation where he thought it was okay for certain things when he had the kids, and I didn't. So I put a stop to it. He also was more interested in being buddies, and badmouthing me. That didn't go over well with my daughter, who now has nothing to do with him, probably hasn't spoken to him in about 5 years. My son is only interested in him when he wants something. I became a single Mom in 1989. I only just re-married last week. It's so hard to be a single parent....with no good co-parenting from the father. The only thing that kept me sane, was focusing on their well-being....and living my lifestyle with that at the forefront.

Quoting LexRi0709:

That's where I'm at now. I do the best I can for my dd when she is here. I refuse to speak bad about him in front of her, even though he does say stuff about me to her. I'm not her friend, I'm her parent and I have to say that to her a lot. He tells her she is his best friend, so she thinks its normal. I do damage control asmuch as possible. Now, its up to the courts. I don't expect money from him, but I expect him to be held accountable for not paying it, which is kind of what the state is doing. He's still ordered to pay. The whole thing is such a mess, but this is what I deal with daily. Thank you for offering advice though. Although you don't live it, it seems as though you understand the frustration of it all.
Quoting EireLass:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. What a mess, and horrible for you emotionally. You do know you will not get child support, right? Unless it's taken directly from someone's pay, only a noble man would pay, regardless of court order. If he loses his license, that will not affect anything. Someone like him (I know, I don't even know him) will continue to drive, will not pay you, and will continue to smoke and make deals with the child present. That's why you need to take your focus OFF him, and only put it on the child. The child being young, does not really have a say in where she goes....it's your responsibility to make that decision. Yes, initially she'll think your mean, etc.....but you're not her friend, you're her parent. People like your ex end up showing thier ass-holery on their own, and your child will see it, and realize all you do is for her benefit. Good Luck!!! :o)

Quoting LexRi0709:

 He has a history of dv. He hit me when dd was about 2 months old while I was holding her. I was 19 and dumb and just ran. I never called the cops. When he took me to court for custody - after not being present for my entire pregnancy, or 6 months of her life after he hit me - the judge told me that I was not allowed to withhold visitation for any reason and if I did she would make sure I lost custody. She said if there was  reason to withhold visitation it better be reported and investigated by cps. So heeding that warning, I have done everything I can possibly do to change the situation but nothing works...as of yet. Basically I've been told by 3 lawyers not to withhold visitation and to let him hang himself. Slowly he is doing it. He is $17,000 behind in child support and the state is pursuing suspending his drivers license, his ex who I am friends with knows he smokes in front of dd and I'm waiting for her to report it to cps, the fact that although the court order is 50/50, he lives in another county 20 miles away from her school with unreliable transportation to get her to and from school. I haven't even talked to the school about the fact it is a 50/50 order but he lives in anther county to see how that could affect her being able to go to school in my district. here is so much going on, but I've always been told that it has to be something seriously detrimental to the child...like abuse or blatant neglect...for the court to get involved and change anything. I have just filed for mediation which is the only thing I can do right now. Its the court process before I can file for a change in visitation we must go through mediation. Since I requested it, he has to be the one to set it up, If he doesn't its documented and then I can file to go back to court. We had a verbal agreement to change visitation for school, then he "talked" to dd about it and she came to my home yesterday telling me "daddy cant be away from me for that long because he loves me to much and will miss me to bad, so I don't want to change". He told me that if I filed for mediation he was going to go after me for custody because "I don't want the court to think I'm giving up my kid". I'm guessing it has more to do with the fact that child support would be significantly modified due to him having her much less. So, now I just have to sit and wait to see if he responds. He is also court ordered to pay $400 by the 27th this month or the state will suspend his license. So, I'm waiting to find out if he pays. If he doesn't that's just another thing I can try to use against him. 

Quoting EireLass:

I'm not talking about reporting him to the police for drug use. I'm talking about putting them on notice, as usually in a situation like this, the 'pick up parent' would go to the police and make a scene of you not being there. You need to be more responsible to your child and not allow her to be around anyone you deem unnecessary. You can do it all without an attorney. I just assumed because you were already divorced or had a settlement agreement, you had an attorney. Even when a divorce is final, anything regarding children in the divorce continues to be an open book until the child is 19 (or whatever age your divorce decree states...some it's 21).

Quoting LexRi0709:

The cops legally can't do anything because unless it is in plain sight they can't search. I don't have $5,000 for a retainer for an attoney, but have consulted with 3 different ones who all said the same thing...until something serious happens the judge will not change the order. 50/50 is now the law here in fl and unless I can show beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is unfit they won't do anything. I talked to countless cops and the court about the whole thing.
Quoting EireLass:

Of course you can do something about it. All you have to do it go to your police department, make them aware of your divorce/custody, etc, and let them know of the situation. When he comes to pick up the child, you and child are not home.....conveniently. Call your attorney, or write a note letting them know of the situation. Wait until he calls his attorney, who will call for a meeting. You can tell his attorney your reasoning, and his attorney will not be able to force his situation. You don't need to discuss this with the father. He already knows the issue.

Quoting LexRi0709:

Legally I have no choice. We have 50/50 court ordered visitation. I have clearly expressed my concerns and he listens, says he agrees, then has the guy over to hang out. I can't do anything about it. Trust me, I've tried.
Quoting EireLass:

And you let her around him.

Quoting LexRi0709:

This. I have an issue with both when they are used not to "take the edge off" but rather usedto get high or drunk. Thre is a big difference.  Dd bd smokes pot in front of her. I have no respect for that. His dealer (I've been introduced to him, but thought he was just a friend until recently) is very creepy. Bd says he is creeped out by this guy, but allows him around dd all the time.  And pot now is not pure. There are so many different things that are put into it. As a teen in my smoking days I got pot laced with lsd. Looking at it you couldn't tell. It tasted a little different, but that was it. There wasn't a different smell or anything.
Quoting teri4lance:

my only issue is parents buying and possessing in states where it is still illegal. I think it's irresponsible bc it's illegal and you put yourself in a position to associate with criminals (dealers) and to get into legal trouble. I do think it should be legalized, but until it is, parents need to stay away for the good of their family.


Friday
by HRH of MJ on Jul. 20, 2012 at 11:24 AM


Quoting turtle68:

dont know...I agree with what Friday said about the psychological addictiveness. 

IMO if they made it legal...people will grow their own.

Quoting viv212:

What "ingredient" in pot makes it addictive? Like we all know nicotine is what's in cigaretts but that's not in weed. Weed is not addictive. I'll be honest- that's the only reason why I don't want the government to regulate weed because they make money in addictions. I hope that if they do regulate, they won't put an "addictive ingredient" because that will just kill it.

Quoting turtle68:


Quoting Friday:


Quoting turtle68:

non-addictive...laughed at that.

It's not physically addictive like alcohol, caffeine, nicotine or heroin. It can be psychologically addictive, depending on personality type, like any pleasurable activity including eating, sex and gambling.

Alcohol dt's can kill you, quiting mj makes most users a little cranky for a day or two if anything.

Addiction is addiction...psychological being a big part of any addiction.  Saying its non-addictive made me laugh.


Some would grow their own but we are a lazy society and most would rather go to the drug store or dispensary and pick up what they want. I think the revenue, combined with reduced spending on the BS drug war would be helpful.

 


Thank God......it's Friday!!!

MomKira
by New Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 3:47 PM

I smoke it a lot, its so much better then alcohol

susan115
by on Jul. 22, 2012 at 4:50 PM

Stop with the snarky attitude and grow up. 

Mrs.TessaLynn
by Member on Jul. 22, 2012 at 5:06 PM

 I agree with this.

Quoting teri4lance:

my only issue is parents buying and possessing in states where it is still illegal. I think it's irresponsible bc it's illegal and you put yourself in a position to associate with criminals (dealers) and to get into legal trouble. 

I do think it should be legalized, but until it is, parents need to stay away for the good of their family.

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)