Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Shocking Teachers' Views on Bullying

Posted by   + Show Post

Recently I had the opportunity to discuss the subject of bullying with several teachers. I was surprised by their reaction when I brought the subject up.  All of them had the same response, they said bullying has gone on for decades, was a normal part of life, and not something which they had the power to control/stop.

I am not saying that every teacher on the planet shares their views. 

The teachers with whom I was discussing this subject were from different states and towns, which gave me the impression that their views were shared by other teachers across state/town lines.

My questions are these:

Why are (some) teachers' views on bullying so drastically different than those of the general public?

Why do they not see the danger inherent in bullying and the severe damage it does to some children?

Why do they think they are powerless to intervene when they are right there, on the front lines of the bully/victim interaction?



by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 11:00 AM
Replies (31-40):
Aurora-Dove
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 1:40 PM

I absolutely love this answer!

Quoting pagancuriosity:

My husband is a teacher and I asked him about this....he said a huge reason why teachers are cautious about getting involved is b/c it can end up costing them their jobs. You get a parent who thinks their kid shits rainbows and you tell them that they are a bully, and watch how fast the superindendent of the school is invovled. And a parent can end up tying up the entire school system if angry enough. My husband actually has to deal with a bully of a parent of a student of his. He has a fair grading system and this student doesn't always perform as well, therefore doesn't get the grades her mother thinks she's entitled to. She has called the superindendent on my husband a few times. Every time, the principal asks my husband to back down, but he refuses. So, a lot of times, it's the parents holding the teachers back from doing anything productive about bullies.


Sisteract
by Whoopie on Aug. 8, 2012 at 1:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Because it's another "job" for the teachers. Anyone who still has a job in today's market knows that fewer people are doing more work-

Teaching, coaching, guiding mentoring, working with families (education is family based), teaching to the test, monitoring for bully behaviors... The reality is, there are only so many hours in each school day.

I wonder how many bully kids have bully parents?

jlo1313
by Silver Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 1:44 PM
4 moms liked this

 I think the part I highlighted tells the tale of where all the whining parents have brought us.  I was bullied in school, called names, pushed to the ground and kicked and hit, sexually harassed by 5th and 6th grade pre-puberescent pricks because I had boobs, and one day someone pushed it too far by grabbing my nipple and I knocked his ass out cold right there in the hallway where he did it.  My parents knew of the harassment for years and did nothing, this boy's mother called the principal and we had to have a family meeting and the boy lied and said he didn't do anything.  It got so heated I almost whipped my boob out to show the marks he left from his titty twister.  After that I was labeled "one you don't fuck with" and left alone and he was the "hero" for actually geting to touch a boob.  Win/Win...

If this were to happen now we would both be suspended and put in counseling with labels and teachers talking about us from year to year?  Seriously.  I talk to my kids about the things other kids say to them, if they are called a name, I pose the question as to why they think that kid is picking on them.  I also tell them to first go to a teacher and if that doesn't work and it turns physical to always make sure they know where to punch someone to lay their ass out and never hit first.  I may be totally wrong, but I am not going to allow a sue-happy society and wimpy school system to ruin my child's self esteem that I have worked their whole life to build.  Most importantly, if I find out my child is on the bullying end of something OR just stands by and watches bullying happen without intervening, their ass is in trouble!!!

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I'm not a teacher, but had a child that was bullied. 

In my opinion, the definition of bullying has changed, and some children are labeled bullies simply because they choose not to play with a classmate or think that someone is weird, or calls someone a name once. 

In the Middle School here, if someone is labeled a bully, they have to attend counseling sessions.  The victim does as well.  Now the victim feels they're being punished and pointed out because the school is making it a point to pull them out of class to attend counseling. 

Sure, teachers absolutely need to break up anything where someone is being physically attacked and bullied in that regard.  I think the bigger thing teachers can do to make an impact is to stress respect for others within their classrooms, and also stress self esteem.  It should be a no brainer. 

Until parents keep their children in line, bullying will continue.  Teachers cannot tell a parent how to parent their child.  What parents can do for their children is build their self esteem and give them the tools necessary to deal with bullies.  Afterall, they will be dealing with bullies their entire life.  It's the reaction that will make a bully stop or persist.

 

mommychelle01
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't doubt what he told me.. but I didn't ask where the teacher was. I assume it probably happened at recess or lunch where there would have been more opportunity to talk.

And this isn't the only instance of bullying for him. My heart breaks for him.. he failed 1st grade, mostly due to his parents lack of involvement in school work and countless days of being late or missing school because his dad slept in late.


Quoting jhslove:

I'm sure it was hurtful to be called ugly, but when I read this my thought is that either it was one or two kids (which to a young child can SEEM like "almost the whole class"), or that it happened outside the classroom, where there was no adult within earshot. I've never, ever, EVER seen a circumstance where a whole class of kids starts calling one victim names when the teacher is right there.


When I was that age, kids called me names too. When I told my parents, they said they were sorry and that must have hurt my feelings. Then they taught me the rhyme about "sticks and stones may break my bones" and that I could choose whether or not to listen when someone called me names. Basically, they taught me to dust myself off and have some resilience, not to let every name or mean comment get to me. They weren't trying to be insensitive, but they were trying to teach me that there will always be mean people, and the only way to make it is to have the inner strength to keep your head up no matter what. Kids call each other names. It isn't nice, but it's a fact of life and name calling isn't necessarily the same thing as bullying.


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

While that is heartbreaking, is it completely true?
Is it possible one child made the hurtful remark and he has assumed his other classmates feel similarly?



Quoting mommychelle01:

I babysit a 6 yr old boy every now and then.. yesterday he stayed with me and after only two days of school, he broke down in tears and told me how the other kids called him ugly. I asked who and he said almost the whole class. I can't help but wonder where they are at and where the teachers are for so many to be bullying at once.

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jlo1313
by Silver Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 1:50 PM
2 moms liked this

 AHA!!!! 

This is also a big fat problem.  If your parent talks down to you and calls you names and shoves you around, how do you learn to deal with conflict?

AND...on the other side, if you have parents that pay no attention to you and are victims, how do you learn how to stand up for yourself properly?

Quoting Sisteract:

Because it's another "job" for the teachers. Anyone who still has a job in today's market knows that fewer people are doing more work-

Teaching, coaching, guiding mentoring, working with families (education is family based), teaching to the test, monitoring for bully behaviors... The reality is, there are only so many hours in each school day.

I wonder how many bully kids have bully parents?

 

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 3:04 PM


Quoting Euphoric:

When I was in middle school, I started getting bullied severely. I told the teachers and principal what was going on, and so they arranged a meeting with my parents. Well instead of trying to help , they asked my parents if there was abuse at home, they never brought up the bullying at school. The bullying only got worse after that, and I finally switched school.

That is outrageous!   Were your parents furious?  I would have been.

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 3:07 PM


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I'm not a teacher, but had a child that was bullied. 

In my opinion, the definition of bullying has changed, and some children are labeled bullies simply because they choose not to play with a classmate or think that someone is weird, or calls someone a name once. 

In the Middle School here, if someone is labeled a bully, they have to attend counseling sessions.  The victim does as well.  Now the victim feels they're being punished and pointed out because the school is making it a point to pull them out of class to attend counseling. 

Sure, teachers absolutely need to break up anything where someone is being physically attacked and bullied in that regard.  I think the bigger thing teachers can do to make an impact is to stress respect for others within their classrooms, and also stress self esteem.  It should be a no brainer. 

Until parents keep their children in line, bullying will continue.  Teachers cannot tell a parent how to parent their child.  What parents can do for their children is build their self esteem and give them the tools necessary to deal with bullies.  Afterall, they will be dealing with bullies their entire life.  It's the reaction that will make a bully stop or persist.

How so?

Afterall, they will be dealing with bullies their entire life

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 3:10 PM


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

I can't speak for everyone, just for myself. There are often instances that the behavior going on between two students isn't bullying, but it can be emotionally crippling for the student on the receiving end. There have been times that I saw interactions between students that I didn't intervene and  obviously there are times that I have. It depends on the students involved, their ages and what is happening between the two. Not all children need an adult to swoop in and be a hero. In my opinion there are more children today who get bullied because they have never had to deal with personal conflict amongst peers because an adult has always intervened in their disputes.

If it is clear that a child was being bullied I have always stepped in. There have been times that I didn't step in and I probably should have. I really feel like helping kids to learn conflict respolution could be a valuable tool against some situations that begin as disagreements and end in torment and actual bullying.




Thank-you for sharing this.  Why do you think you hesitated to intervene on these occasions?

There have been times that I didn't step in and I probably should have.

OHgirlinCA
by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 3:12 PM

 It sounds like you're handling things well with your children to me :)  My son never had to come to blows with his bullies.  I continuously told him they were jealous of him for some reason and were trying to make themselves look cool and feel better about themselves by making him feel bad.  Once the bullies didn't get the reaction they were hoping for from my son, they stopped bothering him.

Quoting jlo1313:

 I think the part I highlighted tells the tale of where all the whining parents have brought us.  I was bullied in school, called names, pushed to the ground and kicked and hit, sexually harassed by 5th and 6th grade pre-puberescent pricks because I had boobs, and one day someone pushed it too far by grabbing my nipple and I knocked his ass out cold right there in the hallway where he did it.  My parents knew of the harassment for years and did nothing, this boy's mother called the principal and we had to have a family meeting and the boy lied and said he didn't do anything.  It got so heated I almost whipped my boob out to show the marks he left from his titty twister.  After that I was labeled "one you don't fuck with" and left alone and he was the "hero" for actually geting to touch a boob.  Win/Win...

If this were to happen now we would both be suspended and put in counseling with labels and teachers talking about us from year to year?  Seriously.  I talk to my kids about the things other kids say to them, if they are called a name, I pose the question as to why they think that kid is picking on them.  I also tell them to first go to a teacher and if that doesn't work and it turns physical to always make sure they know where to punch someone to lay their ass out and never hit first.  I may be totally wrong, but I am not going to allow a sue-happy society and wimpy school system to ruin my child's self esteem that I have worked their whole life to build.  Most importantly, if I find out my child is on the bullying end of something OR just stands by and watches bullying happen without intervening, their ass is in trouble!!!

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I'm not a teacher, but had a child that was bullied. 

In my opinion, the definition of bullying has changed, and some children are labeled bullies simply because they choose not to play with a classmate or think that someone is weird, or calls someone a name once. 

In the Middle School here, if someone is labeled a bully, they have to attend counseling sessions.  The victim does as well.  Now the victim feels they're being punished and pointed out because the school is making it a point to pull them out of class to attend counseling. 

Sure, teachers absolutely need to break up anything where someone is being physically attacked and bullied in that regard.  I think the bigger thing teachers can do to make an impact is to stress respect for others within their classrooms, and also stress self esteem.  It should be a no brainer. 

Until parents keep their children in line, bullying will continue.  Teachers cannot tell a parent how to parent their child.  What parents can do for their children is build their self esteem and give them the tools necessary to deal with bullies.  Afterall, they will be dealing with bullies their entire life.  It's the reaction that will make a bully stop or persist.

 

 

mewebb82
by Member on Aug. 8, 2012 at 3:13 PM
1 mom liked this

This is exactly what my mom dealt with up until she retired. She said when she first started teaching 40 years ago, it wasn't a problem. The biggest part of the problem in the last 10 years or so is that her superiors are far less likely to back up a teacher than they were 40 years ago. Teachers used to be able to get involved without fear of losing their jobs and now they almost have to trick themselves into thinking it doesn't matter because for them it really isn't worth it to get involved. It's horrible, but that's they way it's become. 

Quoting pagancuriosity:

My husband is a teacher and I asked him about this....he said a huge reason why teachers are cautious about getting involved is b/c it can end up costing them their jobs. You get a parent who thinks their kid shits rainbows and you tell them that they are a bully, and watch how fast the superindendent of the school is invovled. And a parent can end up tying up the entire school system if angry enough. My husband actually has to deal with a bully of a parent of a student of his. He has a fair grading system and this student doesn't always perform as well, therefore doesn't get the grades her mother thinks she's entitled to. She has called the superindendent on my husband a few times. Every time, the principal asks my husband to back down, but he refuses. So, a lot of times, it's the parents holding the teachers back from doing anything productive about bullies.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)