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Shocking Teachers' Views on Bullying

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Recently I had the opportunity to discuss the subject of bullying with several teachers. I was surprised by their reaction when I brought the subject up.  All of them had the same response, they said bullying has gone on for decades, was a normal part of life, and not something which they had the power to control/stop.

I am not saying that every teacher on the planet shares their views. 

The teachers with whom I was discussing this subject were from different states and towns, which gave me the impression that their views were shared by other teachers across state/town lines.

My questions are these:

Why are (some) teachers' views on bullying so drastically different than those of the general public?

Why do they not see the danger inherent in bullying and the severe damage it does to some children?

Why do they think they are powerless to intervene when they are right there, on the front lines of the bully/victim interaction?



by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 11:00 AM
Replies (531-540):
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Aug. 13, 2012 at 2:40 PM


Quoting chazzamatazz:

That was definitely the view that the teachers and bus drivers took when I was growing up.

Now, my kids have it really good. There are anti-bullying policies in effect at ALL my local schools. 

I think those teachers just sort of accepted it as unchangeable. They went through bullying themselves (or were the bullies - which definitely is probable if they are in a position of power. I once read an article that showed that bullies tend to go into occupations that allow them control over the lives of others - namely social services, the armed forces and police forces. I know not everyone who goes into these fields have that mentality, but the statistics in that article were pretty scary.) People just accepted things and didn't bother to change it because that was just the way things were. 

Thank goodness not everyone was like that.

My child's school does not have a bullying problem because they have great anti-bullying policies as well.  I don't understand how some schools can control the bully issue but others cannot.

saveabrain
by Member on Aug. 14, 2012 at 8:30 AM


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 

Quoting saveabrain:


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I'm not a teacher, but had a child that was bullied. 

In my opinion, the definition of bullying has changed, and some children are labeled bullies simply because they choose not to play with a classmate or think that someone is weird, or calls someone a name once. 

In the Middle School here, if someone is labeled a bully, they have to attend counseling sessions.  The victim does as well.  Now the victim feels they're being punished and pointed out because the school is making it a point to pull them out of class to attend counseling. 

Sure, teachers absolutely need to break up anything where someone is being physically attacked and bullied in that regard.  I think the bigger thing teachers can do to make an impact is to stress respect for others within their classrooms, and also stress self esteem.  It should be a no brainer. 

Until parents keep their children in line, bullying will continue.  Teachers cannot tell a parent how to parent their child.  What parents can do for their children is build their self esteem and give them the tools necessary to deal with bullies.  Afterall, they will be dealing with bullies their entire life.  It's the reaction that will make a bully stop or persist.

Do you think the counseling for the bullied child is to help that child process what happened, to validate what happened, and to help problem solve for the future rather than punish?

As far as parents keeping their children in line, it's sad to say that the parents of the bullies are usually bullies themselves.

 Kids that are bullied don't want to be singled out and sent to counseling.  They're already embarrassed enough without everyone seeing them being pulled out of class.  Generally, they don't want to answer questions by their peers about where they went and why.  I could see the school contacting the bullied child's parents and making them aware of what happened, and encourage the parents to talk to the child.  I think that is the better way to handle the situation.

That makes sense.  Would you take your child to counseling outside of school though to validate the situation and process what happened?  It would seem all of this would depend on your child and the support you and your family can provide to help get through it.  Is your little person doing better now?

nerdlihc3
by New Member on Aug. 14, 2012 at 3:17 PM

Face to face, sit down with local teachers, and asked them. You've done that? 

Quoting futureshock:


Quoting nerdlihc3:

Have you ever asked them? 


Why do they think they are powerless to intervene when they are right there, on the front lines of the bully/victim interaction?


I thought that was what I was doing?


OHgirlinCA
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2012 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting saveabrain:

 

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 

Quoting saveabrain:

 

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I'm not a teacher, but had a child that was bullied. 

In my opinion, the definition of bullying has changed, and some children are labeled bullies simply because they choose not to play with a classmate or think that someone is weird, or calls someone a name once. 

In the Middle School here, if someone is labeled a bully, they have to attend counseling sessions.  The victim does as well.  Now the victim feels they're being punished and pointed out because the school is making it a point to pull them out of class to attend counseling. 

Sure, teachers absolutely need to break up anything where someone is being physically attacked and bullied in that regard.  I think the bigger thing teachers can do to make an impact is to stress respect for others within their classrooms, and also stress self esteem.  It should be a no brainer. 

Until parents keep their children in line, bullying will continue.  Teachers cannot tell a parent how to parent their child.  What parents can do for their children is build their self esteem and give them the tools necessary to deal with bullies.  Afterall, they will be dealing with bullies their entire life.  It's the reaction that will make a bully stop or persist.

Do you think the counseling for the bullied child is to help that child process what happened, to validate what happened, and to help problem solve for the future rather than punish?

As far as parents keeping their children in line, it's sad to say that the parents of the bullies are usually bullies themselves.

 Kids that are bullied don't want to be singled out and sent to counseling.  They're already embarrassed enough without everyone seeing them being pulled out of class.  Generally, they don't want to answer questions by their peers about where they went and why.  I could see the school contacting the bullied child's parents and making them aware of what happened, and encourage the parents to talk to the child.  I think that is the better way to handle the situation.

That makes sense.  Would you take your child to counseling outside of school though to validate the situation and process what happened?  It would seem all of this would depend on your child and the support you and your family can provide to help get through it.  Is your little person doing better now?

 I do think it depends on the child, and the parents, on how to deal with bullying.  No, I didn't take my son to counseling to validate and process the situations he was in.  I was able to do that on my own at home.  He was able to get through it, and isn't bullied any longer. 

Quilting82
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 8:42 AM

I'm not surprised.  I was bullied by a kid.  I was in the fourth grade and I was nine years old.  He tormented me every day. I faked being sick not to go to school.  Finally my mother figured out something was up(I was a straight A student, who always loved school), cross examined me til I talked and went to the teacher, who told me "I made too much of it"  This misery ended when the bully, who was 16 and over 6 feet tall in the fourth grade, got expelled because he attacked another child, landed him in the hospital.  Nothing changes.  It's so discouraging.

etmermaid
by on Aug. 17, 2012 at 6:42 PM

Bullying to some extent is a part of life, and something that every child deals with in one form or another.  I feel the curent focus on bullying is aimed in the wrong direction.  Rather than trying to stop it, the focus should be on helping the ones being bullied stand up for themselves.  thus an inescapable aspect of social  human nature can be used as a tool to help children grow up into strong, confident and independant young adults.  Rather than insecure people who think the world owes them what they should be able to stand up and build for themselves.

sha_lyn68
by Bronze Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 12:24 AM
1 mom liked this

I couldn't disagree with you more.  How in the world is trying to stop bullying equal to the victims of bullying thinking the world owes them? Actually it is the bullies that think they are owed something and they must be stopped. Honestly, your thinking sounds just like something a bully/former bully would use to excuse their behavior.

Quoting etmermaid:

Bullying to some extent is a part of life, and something that every child deals with in one form or another.  I feel the curent focus on bullying is aimed in the wrong direction.  Rather than trying to stop it, the focus should be on helping the ones being bullied stand up for themselves.  thus an inescapable aspect of social  human nature can be used as a tool to help children grow up into strong, confident and independant young adults.  Rather than insecure people who think the world owes them what they should be able to stand up and build for themselves.


anxiousschk
by anxiouss on Aug. 19, 2012 at 10:26 AM

Side note:  As a teacher referencing a very specific event, it might not be best to have a profile picture of yourself.  

You never know the members on these boards and if they may know you IRL.    Yes, it may be viewed as an extreme line of thought, but I disucss my job (teaching) in my posts with regularity and wouldn't want to run into an administrator, student/former student, or parent of a student on CM.  

Quoting musicteacher40:

I feel I need to post again...

Students WILL NOT LEARN TO NOT BULLY, until their parents learn to not bully!!!! 

This week in school I've have been bullied and harassed beyond belief...Long story short..after a Saturday event (I'm a 6-12 music teacher and had my 7-12 band out for an all day marching event) back in October 2011...well...I've (as well as 2 of my 5 chaperones) received a Subpoena by the mother of a student for a very serious incident that occurred when her ex-hubby came to pick up his child...now the father is harassing and bullying me and the chaperones that were there (not just the ones subpoenaed) and is getting away with it by the local police departments, (the district in which I work is working to try and get a restraining order, but we are not getting cooperation from police)...This man is so scarey, that I'm scared to go to school or to leave school for fear of my life...and I fear for the welfare of all my students and when we are out marching on the field or street are literally sitting ducks...

So.... When you all realize that we as teacher's don't  just sit around and do nothing and we tolerate or put on the blinders about all the bullying, this will then be a lot better world...why don't you try walking in our shoes (literally) for a week or 2..my guess, is that you will all be appauld at what our kids are doing and saying and how much worse they get after trying to do something about it!   People are so quick to blame someone else for problems (much like our President)...this type of thinking must stop!

Sorry...but when I fear for my life and well-being of my family and my students, it starts bringing out an air of bitterness in a person!



futureshock
by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:40 AM


Quoting TempeRose:

I won't matter teachers or students I'll be leave my baby if she says she is being bullied!

What?

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:47 AM


Quoting FromAway:

I believe the definition of bullying has changed along w/ the severity of it.  Bullying has always happened and in a small way a part of life.  Dealing w/ a bully can help you grow, but can also crush you.  True bullying has become far more cruel.  And whether it has always happened or not schools need to do their part when it is on their grounds, and parents on both sides need to their part. 

Our son is going into a school w/ a bad reputation for bullying.  I gathered that the administration has conflicting views on how to deal w/ it and if it is actually an issue. 

We have chosen to educate our son how to deal w/ it.  If he is made fun of he is to say something like "what ever", and walk away.  If he is hit once he is to back away and in a load voice say I don't want to fight.  Hit again he has our permission to throw the kid to the ground and walk away.  If he follows this he will recieve not punishment from us if he gets in trouble w/ the school.  Bullies don't mess w/ kids that fight back. 

I have a friend that took pictures of the injuries and wrote up what happened and turned it into the administration everytime it happened. The bullying stopped for that young man. 

The only thing I would do differently would be to tell my child if someone hits her once she has my permission to knock them into next week.

If he is hit once he is to back away and in a load voice say I don't want to fight.  Hit again he has our permission to throw the kid to the ground and walk away. 

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