:: update 9/20/2012:: Was she trying to be nasty?

[Veni.Vidi.Vici.]

:update 9/20/2012:

This morning my son wasn't interested in any accessories. He was wearing denim shorts, an orange shirt with a dinosaur on it and sandals. I passed by the door of the teacher who made the comment, but she wasn't there. On the way back I saw her at her door and I smiled. She pursed her lips, looked at my son and shook her head from left to right. IMO The look on her face was unpleasant. I decided to take a moment to speak to the director. I waited patiently for 15 minutes. The director smiled at me and before I could explain the need for an immediate face to face he said "I know why you're here." I must have looked confused. I sat down with my son and he explained that another teacher over heard what Mrs. Nasty said to me about my son. He assured me that wasn't acceptable and it was inappropriate. I must have looked relieved. He asked me to be patient with him as he was looking into it. I feel so relieved that I didn't have to be the person to share what had happened. It's a very odd feeling to not know if your have been discriminated against, or in my situation my son was, and feel the need to justify how you feel to a person who wasn't present while the words were exchanged.

Thanks for all of the replies.

My daughter is older than my son. Bub loves his sister and happily mimics her. He wants his toe nails painted, so we paint them. He wants to carry a purse, so we let him. She plays with his trucks, soldiers and cowboy clothes, too. I can't be bothered to be worried about how other people feel about my son carrying a pink hello kitty purse, unless a stranger has the nerve to say something to me about it.

This morning one of the pre-school teachers said to me "Looks like someone needs some boys to play with." I smiled at her and took DD to her classroom. I asked my friend to sit with bub while I had a word with the lady who made the comment to me. I told her that her comments were inconsiderate and unwelcome and that I would be sending a letter to the director.  I'm not REALLY going to write a letter. She immediately apologized.

Do you think she was trying to be an asshole? I can't tell if she meant it negatively or not.

[mikiemom]

she probably wasn't trying to be mean. Gender roles are so engrained in our society that any deviation makes people think it's ok make comments.

[Peanutx3]

You are probably correct but VVV I think it was right of you to put her in her place.  She really shouldn't make those comments.

Quoting mikiemom:

she probably wasn't trying to be mean. Gender roles are so engrained in our society that any deviation makes people think it's ok make comments.

[Mommy_of_Riley]

She was probably not trying to be mean but at the same time I'm glad you said something...

R likes to have his nails painted, he plays dress up with tiaras and Tutus. And his little sister plays dress up as a Ninja and Cowboy, and she plays "boy" sports... Eh.

[Radarma]

 Why would her saying something bother you?

 

[PaganMomma40]

Probably not conscientiously being nasty but everyone seems to have a view of what male and females should do, act and be. She should know that most children do this. My son will pick up my purse in a second throw in over his shoulder and head for the door and right now has his two big toes painted because he pestered his oldest sister so much it was the only way she could finish her own...he's 3. And persistent, no one can hold their tongues anymore. Imo

[manifer_momma]

I don't think she was being nasty.

[LindaClement]

I think a great deal of what falls out of people's mouths has been no more edited than the average 11yo's text message.

She is uncomfortable, she reacts according to her lifelong quest for conformity and acceptance, and spills it onto your son without thinking.

No, I don't think she was trying to be anything except 'normal.' She succeeded in that, and failed in the 'bid for acceptance.'

Good for you, for calling her to task for her conformity.

[Veni.Vidi.Vici.]

Quoting Radarma:

 Why would her saying something bother you?

 

Her comment was pointless, unless she intended to disparage my son. She has no idea who I am or the gender of the children my kids play with and interact with.

[futureshock]

I thought what she said was an apt observation.  I don't think she meant to be rude AT ALL.  I honestly think your being uncomfortable with your son's behavior let your mind jump to a conclusion.  Possibly.  I could be wrong.

[Lizardannie1966]

Write that letter or better, talk with her and director together, in a sit-down chat.

I'd make a stink about it and because who else is she saying stuff like this to?

She may feel her comments are "innocent," and not attempting to mean harm, but especially when you work with children, you need to have some sensitivity.