Under new healthy-lunch guidelines, students need to take at least one fruit or vegetable at every meal — but the controlling socialist anti-pizza agenda stops short of actually forcing them to eat it. Technically, they’re allowed to take a fruit and throw it out, play hacky sack with it, draw a face on it and teach it to sing “Habanera,” etc. High schooler Kelli Schilken found this wasteful, so she pioneered a school programcalled “Fine, You Spoiled Brats, If You Won’t Eat That Apple We’ll Find Someone Who Will.” We may be paraphrasing a bit.

The idea is that students must take their required fruit or vegetable, but once they own it, they can donate it back to the school which will give it to the hungry. It’s a pretty good plan — the government gets to stick to its healthy-eating initiative, people who don’t have access to school lunches get lots of apples and oranges, and ungrateful high schoolers get scurvy. Perfect.

Now we just need to sic Schilken and her anti-waste innovation on the rest of the country. Some school districts aren’t allowed to donate discarded fruit, even if it’s completely untouched — the best they can do is compost it. These schools are now forced to either waste food, be out of compliance with the law, or worst of all, try to get teenagers to do something that’s good for them even if they don’t want to.