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If you believe a woman should have her husbands consent before getting an abortion... sfag

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Do you think a woman needs her husbands consent for any other reproductive or pregnancy decision?

How about to get her tubes tied?

What if she wants a natural, no-intervention birth? Do she need his permission?

What if she wants a c-section? Or, flip that. What if he wants her to get a c-section? There are compelling studies showing that c-section is safer for the baby.

Can he forbid an epidural? Or require one?

It's his baby too, right? Doesn't he get the right to say how it is delivered?

by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 6:08 PM
Replies (121-128):
i.m.r.
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 4:45 PM
I agree. I was lucky to be in a good relationship (still am) when I got pregnant and we both discussed our options, although he said the final choice was mine. Same went for the pregnancy and labour issues. Luckily we have great communication and were and still are on the same page. It's definitely a tricky subject for those who aren't in a good marriage or relationship.

Quoting Woodbabe:

In a good relationship this subject would be expected to be discussed and mutually agreed upon. In a bad relationship, these types of things are dangerous territory. 

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Mamapanda1030
by New Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Being a couple, you should ask for his input. But being modern day and age, I am a firm believer in it being our body, and us doing what we want with our bodies. But, like I said, it should start off being a mutual discussion, and if there is real, valid reasons on why you disagree, there is nothing stopping you from making the final decision yourself. 

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 5:09 PM
That's the breaks because he can simply walk away at any time before or after. Women don't get to run away before the baby is born. It is a drag and unfair for men who want their children but holding a woman hostage until the baby he wants is born is beyond unfair. Men also have changed their minds after the baby if born and want to give the baby back to mom, the baby she didn't want but is now morally and legally obligated to parent.
I had a friend who got pregnant. When she told her boyfriend of more than five years, he immediately decided that she was a whore and it was not his baby. He told her to go to hell because it wasn't his and she was getting nothing from him. He then went around and told everyone he knew that she was pregnant and it was someone else's kid. After some shameless begging and pleading on her part, she realized that this was now entirely her problem. So she went and had an abortion. Her awesome, now ex boyfriend on a publicity tour to tell everyone that she had gone and killed his baby without even asking him. His mom even got in on it and so her friends as well as his and my friend's friends were calling her up to tell her she was a murdering whore. If she had kept that baby, both would have had a terrible life because a drunken asshole was the father. He wanted to walk in and out of her life as he wished, knowing that his baby was well taken care of and the mother wasn't allowed to sleep with anyone else. He could get all of the bonuses of having a kid but be able to deny it and refuse to pay for it as it suited him. We know that is what he would have done because he got a girl pregnant within a year of breaking up with my friend for being pregnant. This girl had the baby and is now strapped to that sack if crap until someone dies. I don't even think he cares my friend had an abortion except that he could no longer hold any power over her. He also enjoyed playing the victim of a heartless baby killer who rejected his help and laughed all the way to the clinic (his side of the story).

I guess I tell that story to say that some men don't deserve to have a say in it. They can have an opinion but they shouldn't be able to overrule the woman's decision. Even though some, most, men are decent and only want what is best for everyone, others are trifling, manipulative little bastards who would use that power to punish or isolate the women they now have control over.


Quoting baileymarie723:

I think since it took the choice of both man & wife to have sex and it results in a pregnancy I think any decisions should be throughly discussed before any action is taken. Women get the opportunity to be selfish with the "my body my choice" cop out the man should get to at least say something and really be heard. It's sad that if a man doesn't agree to an abortion the woman can still get one. The baby isn't just hers.
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baileymarie723
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:36 PM
Why wouldn't your friend be able to sleep with anyone else just because she had a baby with someone else? I left my DD's dad almost 2 months before she was born because he was cheating on me, but I am now married to a wonderful man. Maybe I misunderstood that part of your story, but there should be no reason she couldn't see another man because she had a baby with another man. I understand your point of view, but my view is that if someone doesn't want to get pregnant than THEY NEED to take the neccessaey precautions because even though the government says a baby isn't a baby in the beginning that potentional baby still deserves a chance at life.
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AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:41 PM
This was a small town and they were both young. He was the kind of guy that thought nothing of beating on her door in the middle of the night to see his kid but really making sure she didn't have anyone over there. He knew all if the people she knew and would lie all of the time to manipulate the situation so he was always the victim. He would follow her around to jobs and get her fired. And this was the girl that had his kid. He had done the same to my friend but at least she could escape him. When you are fifteen, the bad boy rebel thing is ok but in five years, that shit gets lame. She grew up and he didn't have to.
This was before stalking laws and cops had little sympathy for her if she was dumb enough to screw him in the first place.
She was able to get a new life and a husband but she had to leave our hometown to do it. After it still came out and everyone realized what a lying sack of crap he was, it didn't make any difference in reality. The girl was always on the hook for everything and was admonished for getting with a compulsive liar. Nothing is ever said to liar.
All of the responsibility of parenting and sexual virtue is laid solely on the female by our society. If they get all of the responsibility then it is only fair they have a chance to make decisions for their own bodies by themselves.
I also have another tale of a guy they begged and pleased for her to have the baby and not have an abortion. He said he and his mother would raise it. Of course that went to hell within a few weeks because baby daddy realized that shit was hard. He tried to send the baby back and she said no. Even though they had a deal, she had to take the baby back because of the social pressure mainly but legally, she had to unless she signed over rights and then her family wouldn't let her give it up for adoption. So now she's raising a kid she didn't want and can't even give it up for adoption without being disowned by her parents. If she had made that decision herself and privately, who knows how great her life would be? Maybe as awesome as the father's life since he dropped off the kid and never looked back. Left town went to college, the whole bit. She's in a single wide trailer on her parents' property and I couldn't imagine that she doesn't resent her kid.
But at least he's alive and in a miserable home as god intended. Sorry, I get bitter when I think about the many people who won't lift a finger or give a dime to help you but they deserve to decide which way your life must go.


Quoting baileymarie723:

Why wouldn't your friend be able to sleep with anyone else just because she had a baby with someone else? I left my DD's dad almost 2 months before she was born because he was cheating on me, but I am now married to a wonderful man. Maybe I misunderstood that part of your story, but there should be no reason she couldn't see another man because she had a baby with another man. I understand your point of view, but my view is that if someone doesn't want to get pregnant than THEY NEED to take the neccessaey precautions because even though the government says a baby isn't a baby in the beginning that potentional baby still deserves a chance at life.
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baileymarie723
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:45 PM
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My DD's "sperm donor" sounds a lot like your friend's ex. When I first left him he would call and harass me at my mom's house, and would go around telling his friend's that I was a bitch and now he wasn't going to be able to live with "his kid" (he never calls her his daughter he always refers to her as my kid), and that my reason was stupid. My reason was that he was spending absolutly no time with me, and was cheating on me (cheating is an automatic deal breaker for me). I just ignored him and went on with my life. I knew that as long as I let what he was trying to do bother me he was never going to stop, so if he called and did nothing but harass me I would just hang up on him since I did not care what thought since he was just a big loser that was trying to control me just because I was having his kid, but ai wasn't having it. My DH's cousin ended up working with my ex for a short perior of time, and told my DH that he was telling his co-workers shit about me. DH's cousin is very vocal, so when he heard this he told him that he better quit spreading lies about me or he was going to regret it, and at least while my DH's cousin was around my ex didn't speak another ill word of me. I wasn't going to let a loser like him dictate how I was going to live my life since I was no longer with him, and he knows it and it pisses him off. But like you said you friend was in a small town, so things may have neen a little harder. I live in a smaller town to, but everybody doesn't know everybody else.

Quoting AdrianneHill:


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kameka
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:49 PM
My husband has input but ultimately the decision is mine. We faced a very hard choice once and he kept saying it was mine to make. While I appreciate the sentiment I made sure he was part of that choice because it would affect both of us.
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gerigirl90
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:04 PM
If someone wants an abortion, then yes. The hubby should have a say bcuz if he wants the baby then he should be able to raise the child, Imo. But w/ labor, it should be the womens choice, but hubby can say his ideas.
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