Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM
  • 428 Replies
2 moms liked this

I am talking about what happens in the case of divorce/break up (or death/disability).  Many women who choose to become stay at home mothers, even if they have a college education and job experience, are going to have a difficult time getting back on their feet financially.  It is one thing to be married to a man with a decent income because in that case a woman may get enough child support plus alimony plus half of everything else to live comfortably, but that depends upon the length of the marriage and other factors, etc.  However, so many women are living UNMARRIED with their children's fathers and some with men who are not related to their children and they will get absolutely NOTHING for themselves once that relationship ends. 

Is it just too risky?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:34 PM
2 moms liked this

If the women will be living in poverty after divorce/break up, so will the children.  So while being a stay at home mom is good for kids while it lasts, is it really worth those years when the rest of their childhoods may be spent living in poverty?

ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:37 PM
15 moms liked this
I don't know. There are an awful lot of CM'ers with no education, no job, no work history, and no money of their own who come on here and post about being stuck in miserable situations that they are powerless to leave. I feel sorry for them.

Cue the "don't feel sorry for me, I chose this, I'm better than you because I solely take care of my family , I know we'll never be divorced so I don't have to worry about this" responses.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lga1965
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:37 PM
3 moms liked this

 Yes, its risky. Good post! Good questions.

I worry about young moms who think they will always be married to the father of their children and never plan for a future that might happen. What will they do if the guy leaves? They will be lost and alone and have no skills to go out and get a good ,well paying job. Its scary. Its especially risky nowdays when the divorce rate seems to be increasing. Its even riskier for a single Mom who never intended to marry the guy.

mustloveanimals
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:39 PM
13 moms liked this

In this economy, it is incredibly risky to CHOOSE to be a stay at home mom. One never knows how long their S/O will maintain their employment, and what happens if their S/O passes away? We have life insurance but I don't know how many others do.

I think you ask a really good question. I work, so I clearly chose to not take the risk. Like I said, I don't worry about break up, I worry about death or disability or loss of job. That affects all of us, married or not. Perhaps the best thing is working part time so that it would be easier to go full time in the case of an emergency, yet still spending a good amount of time raising the kids? That is my dream!

katzmeow726
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:39 PM
20 moms liked this

Maybe...but I also have plans set up in case anything should happen.

But right now, the benefits of home educating my children, and doing small jobs from home, outweigh the remote risks of being a SAHM 

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:40 PM


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't know. There are an awful lot of CM'ers with no education, no job, no work history, and no money of their own who come on here and post about being stuck in miserable situations that they are powerless to leave. I feel sorry for them.

Cue the "don't feel sorry for me, I chose this, I'm better than you because I solelt take care of my family , I know we'll never be divorced so I don't have to worry about this" responses.

lol

so true

Sisteract
by Whoopie on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:40 PM
6 moms liked this

IMO, yes.

I also think it depends on your education and skill level.

If you're in a highly technical field, yes... out for longer than a year and no longer employable?

I was lucky, I have always worked part time and off hours for many years- The absolute best of all worlds.

IMO, if you truly advocate for personal responsibility and independence, a family should have as many financial ducks in a row as possible.

See, in this area I am conservative- Be prepared to fully take care of your own.

IMO, worse case scenario is a  devastating disability to the primary wage earner. LTDI is really important- at least for us.

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:42 PM

I agree that it's risky.

Me and dh have been discussing ways for me to work, but there's just no way for me to homeschool him and work at the same time. One would have to give. And dh is incapable of teaching him. I love him, but that man has no patience and is a terrible teacher,lol.

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:43 PM

I'm curious, what plans do you have set up?

Quoting katzmeow726:

Maybe...but I also have plans set up in case anything should happen.

But right now, the benefits of home educating my children, and doing small jobs from home, outweigh the remote risks of being a SAHM 


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

justinnaimee
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't risk it without being married and having a "just in case" plan.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN