Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?

Posted by   + Show Post

I am talking about what happens in the case of divorce/break up (or death/disability).  Many women who choose to become stay at home mothers, even if they have a college education and job experience, are going to have a difficult time getting back on their feet financially.  It is one thing to be married to a man with a decent income because in that case a woman may get enough child support plus alimony plus half of everything else to live comfortably, but that depends upon the length of the marriage and other factors, etc.  However, so many women are living UNMARRIED with their children's fathers and some with men who are not related to their children and they will get absolutely NOTHING for themselves once that relationship ends. 

Is it just too risky?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Replies (11-20):
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting paganbaby:

I agree that it's risky.

Me and dh have been discussing ways for me to work, but there's just no way for me to homeschool him and work at the same time. One would have to give. And dh is incapable of teaching him. I love him, but that man has no patience and is a terrible teacher,lol.

Do you have to homeschool?

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:44 PM
17 moms liked this

If becoming a SAHM is too risky then so is leaving the house to go for a walk, driving, getting on a flight to go anywhere etc.

I don't typically make decisions with the worst case scenario in my mind. Our marriage is solid. If I didn't have a solid marriage I probably would have made a different decision.

romalove
by Roma on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:45 PM
7 moms liked this

 The problem with your question is that it asks people to make decisions based on something that, while possible, is something they are hopeful will never happen.  I personally believe all women should have a skill or an occupation or a craft or an ability to earn a living if they want or need to, regardless of whether or not they remain with a man.  There are a lot of people on this website who claim poverty regardless of marriage situation and regardless sometimes of their working or not. 

I think you can be a SAHM and still keep yourself employable.

MyJaidonreturns
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:46 PM
It is very risky. I worry about my escape plan a lot, even though my marriage is going well. For now, I will just see this as my way of preparing for my next move and continue to work on my degree.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Stephanie329
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:46 PM
This. I'm so thankful to have a great job now that my husband is laid off. Thank God I had this job when my first husband and I got divorced.

I think I have the perfect balance when it comes to a work schedule.


Quoting mustloveanimals:

In this economy, it is incredibly risky to CHOOSE to be a stay at home mom. One never knows how long their S/O will maintain their employment, and what happens if their S/O passes away? We have life insurance but I don't know how many others do.

I think you ask a really good question. I work, so I clearly chose to not take the risk. Like I said, I don't worry about break up, I worry about death or disability or loss of job. That affects all of us, married or not. Perhaps the best thing is working part time so that it would be easier to go full time in the case of an emergency, yet still spending a good amount of time raising the kids? That is my dream!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:46 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting lga1965:

 Yes, its risky. Good post! Good questions.

I worry about young moms who think they will always be married to the father of their children and never plan for a future that might happen. What will they do if the guy leaves? They will be lost and alone and have no skills to go out and get a good ,well paying job. Its scary. Its especially risky nowdays when the divorce rate seems to be increasing. Its even riskier for a single Mom who never intended to marry the guy.

Oh good grief!

Peanutx3
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:47 PM

This

Quoting romalove:

 The problem with your question is that it asks people to make decisions based on something that, while possible, is something they are hopeful will never happen.  I personally believe all women should have a skill or an occupation or a craft or an ability to earn a living if they want or need to, regardless of whether or not they remain with a man.  There are a lot of people on this website who claim poverty regardless of marriage situation and regardless sometimes of their working or not. 

I think you can be a SAHM and still keep yourself employable.


futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:47 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting justinnaimee:

I wouldn't risk it without being married and having a "just in case" plan.

I cannot imagine risking it NOT being married.  I cannot understand why anyone would do it.  A friend/aquaintence of mine is getting divorced and I see her every week at my dd's dance class.  We get a blow by blow of the divorce proceedings 3 days a week.  She is getting child support, alimony, the house (which will be sold after the last child graduates from college in the future and then they will split the proceeds between the two of them), and half of her ex's pension. If she had NOT been married she would be getting ONLY child support and NOTHING else. 

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:47 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting futureshock:


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't know. There are an awful lot of CM'ers with no education, no job, no work history, and no money of their own who come on here and post about being stuck in miserable situations that they are powerless to leave. I feel sorry for them.

Cue the "don't feel sorry for me, I chose this, I'm better than you because I solelt take care of my family , I know we'll never be divorced so I don't have to worry about this" responses.

lol

so true

Oh, look!  A CM bonding moment...swoons!

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting MyJaidonreturns:

It is very risky. I worry about my escape plan a lot, even though my marriage is going well. For now, I will just see this as my way of preparing for my next move and continue to work on my degree.

In my escape fantasy I am the only one leaving, laughing the whole way there. lol

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN