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Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?

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I am talking about what happens in the case of divorce/break up (or death/disability).  Many women who choose to become stay at home mothers, even if they have a college education and job experience, are going to have a difficult time getting back on their feet financially.  It is one thing to be married to a man with a decent income because in that case a woman may get enough child support plus alimony plus half of everything else to live comfortably, but that depends upon the length of the marriage and other factors, etc.  However, so many women are living UNMARRIED with their children's fathers and some with men who are not related to their children and they will get absolutely NOTHING for themselves once that relationship ends. 

Is it just too risky?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Replies (21-30):
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting lga1965:

 Yes, its risky. Good post! Good questions.

I worry about young moms who think they will always be married to the father of their children and never plan for a future that might happen. What will they do if the guy leaves? They will be lost and alone and have no skills to go out and get a good ,well paying job. Its scary. Its especially risky nowdays when the divorce rate seems to be increasing. Its even riskier for a single Mom who never intended to marry the guy.

Oh good grief!

Her post was spot on.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:51 PM


Quoting futureshock:


Quoting justinnaimee:

I wouldn't risk it without being married and having a "just in case" plan.

I cannot imagine risking it NOT being married.  I cannot understand why anyone would do it.  A friend/aquaintence of mine is getting divorced and I see her every week at my dd's dance class.  We get a blow by blow of the divorce proceedings 3 days a week.  She is getting child support, alimony, the house (which will be sold after the last child graduates from college in the future and then they will split the proceeds between the two of them), and half of her ex's pension. If she had NOT been married she would be getting ONLY child support and NOTHING else. 

how sad

MyJaidonreturns
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:52 PM
3 moms liked this
Mine too!!! While the husband and the kids look at each other like strangers in their own home.


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting MyJaidonreturns:

It is very risky. I worry about my escape plan a lot, even though my marriage is going well. For now, I will just see this as my way of preparing for my next move and continue to work on my degree.

In my escape fantasy I am the only one leaving, laughing the whole way there. lol


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futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:53 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting futureshock:


Quoting justinnaimee:

I wouldn't risk it without being married and having a "just in case" plan.

I cannot imagine risking it NOT being married.  I cannot understand why anyone would do it.  A friend/aquaintence of mine is getting divorced and I see her every week at my dd's dance class.  We get a blow by blow of the divorce proceedings 3 days a week.  She is getting child support, alimony, the house (which will be sold after the last child graduates from college in the future and then they will split the proceeds between the two of them), and half of her ex's pension. If she had NOT been married she would be getting ONLY child support and NOTHING else. 

how sad

It is sad.  Maybe some of these women do not understand what they are risking by not being married.

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:54 PM


Quoting futureshock:


Quoting paganbaby:

I agree that it's risky.

Me and dh have been discussing ways for me to work, but there's just no way for me to homeschool him and work at the same time. One would have to give. And dh is incapable of teaching him. I love him, but that man has no patience and is a terrible teacher,lol.

Do you have to homeschool?

Unfortunately, yes. My oldest dd isn't a problem. She's homeschooled through a charter school and does all of her work independently. And my youngest is thriving in public school (Thank God/dess!)

My son on the other hand cannot handle a school setting. He needs a lot of redirection, a VERY flexable teaching enviroment (sometimes he just needs to take a break and do jumping jacks) and most importantly he needs a teacher to sit with him the entire time and explain each and every problem if need be. He gets easily overwhelmed and will shut down or lash out if he feels out of his depth.

I don't know of any school that can offer him that. But if there was, I'd jump at the chance!

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

MissElissa21
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:55 PM
It's too risky for me, so I work. Hubby stays home with the kids, but he needs to go back to work lol. I hate being a 1 income family. If we divorced, he would be screwed, everything is mine from before we were married, and we haven't been married long enough for alimony (only 3 1/2 years)
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futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:56 PM


Quoting paganbaby:


Quoting futureshock:


Quoting paganbaby:

I agree that it's risky.

Me and dh have been discussing ways for me to work, but there's just no way for me to homeschool him and work at the same time. One would have to give. And dh is incapable of teaching him. I love him, but that man has no patience and is a terrible teacher,lol.

Do you have to homeschool?

Unfortunately, yes. My oldest dd isn't a problem. She's homeschooled through a charter school and does all of her work independently. And my youngest is thriving in public school (Thank God/dess!)

My son on the other hand cannot handle a school setting. He needs a lot of redirection, a VERY flexable teaching enviroment (sometimes he just needs to take a break and do jumping jacks) and most importantly he needs a teacher to sit with him the entire time and explain each and every problem if need be. He gets easily overwhelmed and will shut down or lash out if he feels out of his depth.

I don't know of any school that can offer him that. But if there was, I'd jump at the chance!

Does he have a learning disability?

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:57 PM


Quoting MissElissa21:

It's too risky for me, so I work. Hubby stays home with the kids, but he needs to go back to work lol. I hate being a 1 income family. If we divorced, he would be screwed, everything is mine from before we were married, and we haven't been married long enough for alimony (only 3 1/2 years)

Do you have a prenup?

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:58 PM


Quoting MyJaidonreturns:

Mine too!!! While the husband and the kids look at each other like strangers in their own home.


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting MyJaidonreturns:

It is very risky. I worry about my escape plan a lot, even though my marriage is going well. For now, I will just see this as my way of preparing for my next move and continue to work on my degree.

In my escape fantasy I am the only one leaving, laughing the whole way there. lol


Why isn't he close with the kids? 

Peanutx3
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:58 PM
8 moms liked this

Life in general is risky.  Whether you are a SAHM or a working mom, you should have a plan. 

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