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Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?

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I am talking about what happens in the case of divorce/break up (or death/disability).  Many women who choose to become stay at home mothers, even if they have a college education and job experience, are going to have a difficult time getting back on their feet financially.  It is one thing to be married to a man with a decent income because in that case a woman may get enough child support plus alimony plus half of everything else to live comfortably, but that depends upon the length of the marriage and other factors, etc.  However, so many women are living UNMARRIED with their children's fathers and some with men who are not related to their children and they will get absolutely NOTHING for themselves once that relationship ends. 

Is it just too risky?

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Replies (391-400):
bcbynum
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:52 PM
My husband and I talked AT LENGTH about whether or not it would be better for me to stay home or continue working when we were pregnant with our second child. We kept coming back to the reality that if I continued working (in banking without a completed degree) I was not going to bringing in enough income to cover the cost of two kids in daycare.
We both thought it was ridiculous to pay someone else all of my earnings to watch our children all day. So eventually (when my youngest gets a little older) I plan to go back to school and finish my degree. Then I would just have to decide if I want to go back to missing all those amazing first milestones for a paycheck.
On the partnership standpoint, my husband has really good life/disability insurance. His job is very secure and divorce is not something we would consider lightly.
garnet83
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:58 PM

I, personally, wouldn't be a SAHM. I acknowledge the benefits of being one, but I just can't make my peace with it. I cannot allow myself to be that dependent on someone else. I am intelligent and capable. There's no reason for me to not be using my abilities.

G2Mama
by New Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:00 PM

I can't imagine, especially in this day and age why any women would not arm herself with an education/skill that she can support herself with.  Many women and men for that fact struggle even with the skill set to maintain a career.  

Quoting futureshock:


Quoting G2Mama:

I can only speak for my-self.  I have a 10 year old with my ex-husband and my dh and I had a baby girl February 14.  I taught public school (3rd grade) for 11 years before dd was born.  DH and I have been together for 3 years now and when I was teaching our lives were so hectic and stressful mainly because of the time and committment involved with my job.  I am very committed to my husband as he is to me so I have no worries about divorce, if I thought we would divorce (especially after we both have been married before) I would not have had a baby with him.  We are both aware of why our marriages failed the first time and are very dedicated to making it work.  I love staying home, my family is so much happier and healthier with me taking care of their needs.  There is always a risk in everything you do, thats why you save, prepare, and have life insurance.  Being able to provide for family by being a sahm is well worth any risk.

At least you have an education and a career that you could go back to, too many women don't have either.


avesmom06
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:34 PM
Quoting Tea4Tas:



Don't tell me anything you don't me and I really don't want to know you. You are a very judge mental person and I feel sorry for your children and your husband that he has to deal with someone like you. I am happy that's all that matters. So go put your judgement toward something else. I am living my life how I want to. Who are you to tell me it's wrong? My kids are happy I'm happy and My Husband is happy. And we have things set up that if any of those type of things come up I will be making the descions, I am his next of kin. So you live your sad judgmental life and ill live my happy life where I have a good family and a great man that takes care of me and our kids. Please don't respond back I have had enough of you. I am a polite person and if you keep taking then my politeness will be a second thought. So goodbye you sad judge mental person. God help you.
momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:50 PM

 I wouldn't personally choose to be a SAHM bringing in no income, or to have a child with someone I'm not married to, but I have seen lots of people manage fine in these situations, and even after the situations are disrupted by death, breakups, etc.  I have always had at least a part-time and/or home-based job while being a mom, and it has been stressful sometimes, but it does help keep me ready to go full-time if needed.  

LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:55 PM
2 moms liked this

What happens if you work all the time and your whole industry collapses? (Like 'you make buggy whips' or whatever)...

What if you have a child who is needier than average, who would be best-served by having mom close at all times for the first 10 years of life to be able to 'launch' as an adult at approximately the 'right' time in life, instead of struggling and suffering, ending up a basement troll until they're 40?

What if the job requires you to move or emigrate to keep, and your family doesn't want to go?

'What happens if' is a game that is never-ending, and without sense or reason. It sells a lot of insurance, but it doesn't predict the future very well.

LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm much more interested in living my life as it is.

Yes, if there had been a death/divorce, a lot of my life would have to have changed.

It didn't.

Raintree
by Ruby Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:05 PM

Thank you. This thread was a constant 'head::desk' for me until I got to this post.

What if you and your husband choose to live a life that requires two incomes, and then one of you loses your job?

What if you're injured?

What if your child gets sick and you're threatened with losing your job if you stay in hospice with your child?

What if what if what if.

Yeah boy. Fun game there.

UGH. I am getting a little tired of being told how risky I am.

Quoting LindaClement:

What happens if you work all the time and your whole industry collapses? (Like 'you make buggy whips' or whatever)...

What if you have a child who is needier than average, who would be best-served by having mom close at all times for the first 10 years of life to be able to 'launch' as an adult at approximately the 'right' time in life, instead of struggling and suffering, ending up a basement troll until they're 40?

What if the job requires you to move or emigrate to keep, and your family doesn't want to go?

'What happens if' is a game that is never-ending, and without sense or reason. It sells a lot of insurance, but it doesn't predict the future very well.


GLWerth
by Gina on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:48 PM

I've had the same feeling.

It's as if one should never even consider being an at-home mom because of what might happen.

Oh, I know! What if your spouse goes to prison for a crime he didn't commit and then escapes and goes on the lam, helping others as he journeys across the country trying to find the one armed man? What then?

Life is risk. If you've never made a risky move in your life, you're not living.

Quoting Raintree:

Thank you. This thread was a constant 'head::desk' for me until I got to this post.

What if you and your husband choose to live a life that requires two incomes, and then one of you loses your job?

What if you're injured?

What if your child gets sick and you're threatened with losing your job if you stay in hospice with your child?

What if what if what if.

Yeah boy. Fun game there.

UGH. I am getting a little tired of being told how risky I am.

Quoting LindaClement:

What happens if you work all the time and your whole industry collapses? (Like 'you make buggy whips' or whatever)...

What if you have a child who is needier than average, who would be best-served by having mom close at all times for the first 10 years of life to be able to 'launch' as an adult at approximately the 'right' time in life, instead of struggling and suffering, ending up a basement troll until they're 40?

What if the job requires you to move or emigrate to keep, and your family doesn't want to go?

'What happens if' is a game that is never-ending, and without sense or reason. It sells a lot of insurance, but it doesn't predict the future very well.



Tea4Tas
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:12 PM


Quoting avesmom06:

Quoting Tea4Tas:



Don't tell me anything you don't me and I really don't want to know you. You are a very judge mental person and I feel sorry for your children and your husband that he has to deal with someone like you. I am happy that's all that matters. So go put your judgement toward something else. I am living my life how I want to. Who are you to tell me it's wrong? My kids are happy I'm happy and My Husband is happy. And we have things set up that if any of those type of things come up I will be making the descions, I am his next of kin. So you live your sad judgmental life and ill live my happy life where I have a good family and a great man that takes care of me and our kids. Please don't respond back I have had enough of you. I am a polite person and if you keep taking then my politeness will be a second thought. So goodbye you sad judge mental person. God help you.

No you are not his next of kin. Unless you MARRY him, you are NOT his next of kin. Stop deluding yourself.

There IS no legal way to "set things up" so you can get his SS survivior benefits-you have to MARRY him to get that.
God help me? Which religion approves of shacking up? You might perhaps want to look up the definition of Adultry and fornication and the 10 commandments before you mention God.....

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