Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?
I am talking about what happens in the case of divorce/break up (or death/disability). Many women who choose to become stay at home mothers, even if they have a college education and job experience, are going to have a difficult time getting back on their feet financially. It is one thing to be married to a man with a decent income because in that case a woman may get enough child support plus alimony plus half of everything else to live comfortably, but that depends upon the length of the marriage and other factors, etc. However, so many women are living UNMARRIED with their children's fathers and some with men who are not related to their children and they will get absolutely NOTHING for themselves once that relationship ends.
Is it just too risky?
Very true. And, we've planned for that. We've actually planned for if either one of us passes away and what we would like each other to do. But, honestly, that is a little different than what the OP was talking about. The OP was talking divorce/breakup.
I suppose it also depends on how the individual looks at it. I've been a SAHM for 10 years. While, I do things that are my own (I volunteer a lot), what I do also keeps me valid in my degree field. Not to mention I have finished my schooling as well. But, I don't do these things because I'm worried about if we divorce (almost 15 years and no plans to do so yet). I do these things to keep myself relevent in the field and to better myself. The side effect is being prepared for a bad event in life. But, I don't do it "just in case".
Quoting MyJaidonreturns:
Well, if my husband died, or wasnt able to work, I would still need an alternative plan to ensure my family would be fine. The,plan wouldnt be too much different from an "escape" plan. Doesnt really mean a couple is having marital problems. Just like people with fire escape plans for their home arent really anticipating an actual fire.
Quoting GotSomeKids:While it's good to have a plan, I always wonder if people with an "escape" plan are one foot out the door anyway.
Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:
Quoting MyJaidonreturns:
It is very risky. I worry about my escape plan a lot, even though my marriage is going well. For now, I will just see this as my way of preparing for my next move and continue to work on my degree.In my escape fantasy I am the only one leaving, laughing the whole way there. lol
You do realize that true formation, particular brain maturation, does not occur until the 20s, right?
Quoting Radarma:
Quoting futureshock:
If the women will be living in poverty after divorce/break up, so will the children. So while being a stay at home mom is good for kids while it lasts, is it really worth those years when the rest of their childhoods may be spent living in poverty?
You raise good questions; I think the benefit does outweigh the risk; to a certain extent. I believe in the value of there being a parent person physically present during a child's formative years. If the children are older and beyond this developmental stage, the balance between benefit/risk begins to shift.
Leading with hate and intolerance only leads to MORE hate and intolerance.
Quoting GotSomeKids:Very true. And, we've planned for that. We've actually planned for if either one of us passes away and what we would like each other to do. But, honestly, that is a little different than what the OP was talking about. The OP was talking divorce/breakup.
I suppose it also depends on how the individual looks at it. I've been a SAHM for 10 years. While, I do things that are my own (I volunteer a lot), what I do also keeps me valid in my degree field. Not to mention I have finished my schooling as well. But, I don't do these things because I'm worried about if we divorce (almost 15 years and no plans to do so yet). I do these things to keep myself relevent in the field and to better myself. The side effect is being prepared for a bad event in life. But, I don't do it "just in case".
Quoting MyJaidonreturns:
Well, if my husband died, or wasnt able to work, I would still need an alternative plan to ensure my family would be fine. The,plan wouldnt be too much different from an "escape" plan. Doesnt really mean a couple is having marital problems. Just like people with fire escape plans for their home arent really anticipating an actual fire.
Quoting GotSomeKids:While it's good to have a plan, I always wonder if people with an "escape" plan are one foot out the door anyway.
Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:
Quoting MyJaidonreturns:
It is very risky. I worry about my escape plan a lot, even though my marriage is going well. For now, I will just see this as my way of preparing for my next move and continue to work on my degree.In my escape fantasy I am the only one leaving, laughing the whole way there. lol
Yes, and in the twenties the "child" should be on their own and no longer dependent on mom's paycheck or lack thereof.
You do realize what I refer to when I say "formative years", right?
Quoting Sisteract:
You do realize that true formation, particular brain maturation, does not occur until the 20s, right?
Quoting Radarma:
Quoting futureshock:
If the women will be living in poverty after divorce/break up, so will the children. So while being a stay at home mom is good for kids while it lasts, is it really worth those years when the rest of their childhoods may be spent living in poverty?
You raise good questions; I think the benefit does outweigh the risk; to a certain extent. I believe in the value of there being a parent person physically present during a child's formative years. If the children are older and beyond this developmental stage, the balance between benefit/risk begins to shift.
So brain maturation isn't important and intergal?
Isn't that what teaching, guiding and parenting is leading to and all about? A healthy contributing, mature member of society being the goal?
Beyond developmental stage...brain maturation (development) doesn't end until adulthood. This is one of reasons that many believe kids need an at home parent MORE during the teen years, than at other time (besides the first few months).
Quoting Sisteract:You do realize that true formation, particular brain maturation, does not occur until the 20s, right?
Quoting Radarma:
Quoting futureshock:
If the women will be living in poverty after divorce/break up, so will the children. So while being a stay at home mom is good for kids while it lasts, is it really worth those years when the rest of their childhoods may be spent living in poverty?
You raise good questions; I think the benefit does outweigh the risk; to a certain extent. I believe in the value of there being a parent person physically present during a child's formative years. If the children are older and beyond this developmental stage, the balance between benefit/risk begins to shift.
I did this when my son was born, and it ended very badly. "Very badly" as in my son lives with his father, and I spent 3 months in a homeless shelter from late '07 to early '08.
Food for thought, ladies.
"Roger that. Over."
R A D I O H E I D
and what "generation" are you?
- futureshock
on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM