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I find it hard to believe people still do this

I know four women in their 30's who got pregnant and married the baby's father. These women didn't get married because they were in 'love', but because she wanted to legitimize her child. Two of those women are seperated and divorcing. The other two are miserable in their marriages.

Why do women/men feel the need to legitimize their children with marriage?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Replies (11-20):
gcecelie
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:52 AM

A lot of people still do that, especiall depending on where in America you live. It sounds ass backwards but it happens. A guy I dated before meeting my husband was a divorcee who got married just because she was pregnant. Even on the news a few days ago a man was arrested for killing his fiance (and child's mother) and his girlfriend. The couple was quoted saying that they were only doing it to get people off of their backs! Talk about a wrong move there.

asfriend
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Corporate greed?

Seriously?


Quoting katzmeow726:

Oh please.  Almost ever issue our  nation is facing now can be traced to corporate greed.

And ladies, THIS is what I was referring to in the Hitler post.  Placing the nations issues on the shoulders poor and/or less desirable members of society.  Asfriend has graciously offered to provide an EXCELLENT example for us.   

Quoting asfriend:

This!



The most destructive problem in the country today is people having babies with people that they are not in love with, and do not intend to spend their lives with.









Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
gcecelie
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:54 AM

 When you are 30, single, not dating anyone, and really need some you-know-what... you will just find someone you can tolerate ona consistent basis for solely that pleasure reason. It is just the way things work for a lot of single people.

Consider yourself 20 years lucky :-P

Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.

 

pregnancy calendar

gcecelie
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

 Child...just ignore that.

Quoting asfriend:

Corporate greed?

Seriously?


Quoting katzmeow726:

Oh please.  Almost ever issue our  nation is facing now can be traced to corporate greed.

And ladies, THIS is what I was referring to in the Hitler post.  Placing the nations issues on the shoulders poor and/or less desirable members of society.  Asfriend has graciously offered to provide an EXCELLENT example for us.   

Quoting asfriend:

This!



The most destructive problem in the country today is people having babies with people that they are not in love with, and do not intend to spend their lives with.









Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.





 

pregnancy calendar

katzmeow726
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:59 AM
2 moms liked this

Yes, seriously.

 

Quoting asfriend:

Corporate greed?

Seriously?


Quoting katzmeow726:

Oh please.  Almost ever issue our  nation is facing now can be traced to corporate greed.

And ladies, THIS is what I was referring to in the Hitler post.  Placing the nations issues on the shoulders poor and/or less desirable members of society.  Asfriend has graciously offered to provide an EXCELLENT example for us.   

Quoting asfriend:

This!



The most destructive problem in the country today is people having babies with people that they are not in love with, and do not intend to spend their lives with.









Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.






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EireLass
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:59 AM

Geez, by the time they're 30, you'd think they have a clue!

My daughter never planned on getting married. She's a very successful woman in her career. But she said she would have a baby by the time she was 35, and most likely use a sperm donor. Lo & behold....she fell in love, just turned 30, and will marry next year.

ms-superwoman
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:00 AM
6 moms liked this
Some people just care to much about what other people think.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Kat31
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I know. I was married for a few years before I got pregnant with my eldest son. (married 9 years in all.) and never noticed the animosity toward unwed mothers until I became pregnant last year and (gasp!) I'm not married and (the horrors!) not planning to anytime soon.


Quoting katzmeow726:

Because of the way people look on unwed mothers and their children...you've seen the mentality on here.  It doesn't surprise me!


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
The_Doodle
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:03 AM

I've seen plenty of people younger than that do it. Hell, one of my friends did that when he got a girl pregnant and they're now divorced. A lot of people think it's the 'right' thing to do. Get married and give the kid a whole family. DH and I lived together for almost all of our relationship and he didn't propose to me until 3 years into our relationship. I always told him that if he ever got me pregnant, to not propose to me while pregnant because I would say no. I didn't want him to try to fix the situation by marrying me when he wouldn't have necessarily did it if I wasn't pregnant.

sneffy014
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:05 AM
4 moms liked this


Quoting gcecelie:

 When you are 30, single, not dating anyone, and really need some you-know-what... you will just find someone you can tolerate ona consistent basis for solely that pleasure reason. It is just the way things work for a lot of single people.

Consider yourself 20 years lucky :-P

Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.

 

I get the "you know what" aspect of it. I guess I am lucky but marriage is a partnership. It takes work.  However, how does that explain why 4 women the OP knows got pregnant too? Based on a circle of friends, that seems like a high number. Also, based on what I am reading, many other women are in the same situation.  I find it difficult to believe that all these women had birth control failures. Therefore, the only conclusion I can come to is they chose this path for themselves. I think many women in their 30s feel their biological clock "ticking" and  deep inside want marriage and a family so they go for it no matter what the consequences.

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