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I find it hard to believe people still do this

I know four women in their 30's who got pregnant and married the baby's father. These women didn't get married because they were in 'love', but because she wanted to legitimize her child. Two of those women are seperated and divorcing. The other two are miserable in their marriages.

Why do women/men feel the need to legitimize their children with marriage?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Replies (21-30):
The_Doodle
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:06 AM

I agree with this on top of my first post on here. I thought that this thinking was old fashioned but then I got pregnant haha. My fingers were too fat to wear my wedding bands so I had them on a necklace. I overheard people on more than one occasion talking to each other asking where my ring was.

Quoting katzmeow726:

Because of the way people look on unwed mothers and their children...you've seen the mentality on here.  It doesn't surprise me!


Cubanmom84
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:07 AM
2 moms liked this
I guess they feel the clock is ticking and if they want a child is cheaper to find a man to do the job than going to a sperm bank.
My sister is in a similar situation, she is 35 and wants a child, she has been dating losers for the past 10 years, now she found someone and she is willing to settle because she is desperate to have a baby.
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Pema_Jampa
by SxyTaco on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:08 AM
3 moms liked this

Love is the way to go, children or not. Don't marry someone just because they got you pregnant. That is silly.

lga1965
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:08 AM
3 moms liked this

 Why do women decide NOT to get married and look down on marriage and say "they don't need a piece of paper" to feel married and say they are so much in love that they are pefectly safe in their relationship with their SO ?

How many women marry a guy they don't love just to make their children "legitimate" ??? Not many today. LOL.Maybe 50 years ago they might.

The bigger question is "Why do they get pregnant and have a baby with someone they don't love"? Birth control is the answer. Or just not having sex with a guy they don't love is a better option.

katzmeow726
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this

LOL I did that too.  I had to put my rings on a necklace, and they usual sat behind my shirt....people got snarky all the time.  Drove me up the wall.

Quoting The_Doodle:

I agree with this on top of my first post on here. I thought that this thinking was old fashioned but then I got pregnant haha. My fingers were too fat to wear my wedding bands so I had them on a necklace. I overheard people on more than one occasion talking to each other asking where my ring was.

Quoting katzmeow726:

Because of the way people look on unwed mothers and their children...you've seen the mentality on here.  It doesn't surprise me!



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katzmeow726
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:11 AM

Because birth control, obvioulsy, works all the time yes?  A digestive disorder that impedes the absorption of things into the body is why my pill failed.  I was lucky to be married to the man I loved at the time.

Still didn't change the fact that my pills failed. Some people just aren't lucky enough for it to happen inside of marriage. 

Quoting lga1965:

 Why do women decide NOT to get married and look down on marriage and say "they don't need a piece of paper" to feel married and say they are so much in love that they are pefectly safe in their relationship with their SO ?

How many women marry a guy they don't love just to make their children "legitimate" ??? Not many today. LOL.Maybe 50 years ago they might.

The bigger question is "Why do they get pregnant and have a baby with someone they don't love"? Birth control is the answer. Or just not having sex with a guy they don't love is a better option.


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Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:13 AM


Quoting EireLass:

Geez, by the time they're 30, you'd think they have a clue!

My daughter never planned on getting married. She's a very successful woman in her career. But she said she would have a baby by the time she was 35, and most likely use a sperm donor. Lo & behold....she fell in love, just turned 30, and will marry next year.

AW!

illegallyblonde
by Lawyerupbeeches on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:14 AM
Who knows...I think this is what one of my younger sisters did and now she is stuck with an abuser on top of it. Just makes me sick.
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HaileysMom07180
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:14 AM

i did marry my babys dad, but after she was born, it had nothing to do with dd's birth but my dad was born and raised in the 50s.  when i told him i was pregnant with my dd, i distinctly remember him telling me my child was gong to be born a bastard.  it still bothers me today that he said that.  i only allow him to see her on holidays, but he even keeps that to a minimal.  his entire side of the family is very much like him.  when my dd was born and because i chose to keep her, the rest of the family minus a few members basically excommunicated me from the family.  they r nice to me when my dads around but they don't invite me or my husband to family reunions or get togethers.  i found out that a few months ago a bunch of family members came into town and they didn't bother to stop by and say hi or anything.  We are moving to another state soon.  my family is the only thing here.  my dad got really offended the other day when i told him theres nothing here for me anymore but its true.  i'm tired of feeling like i don't fit in so we are moving to be closer to my husbands family.  i talk to my dh's grandma on the phone almost daily and feel like i fit in there and they don't care that dd was born before we were married.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:15 AM


Quoting The_Doodle:

I've seen plenty of people younger than that do it. Hell, one of my friends did that when he got a girl pregnant and they're now divorced. A lot of people think it's the 'right' thing to do. Get married and give the kid a whole family. DH and I lived together for almost all of our relationship and he didn't propose to me until 3 years into our relationship. I always told him that if he ever got me pregnant, to not propose to me while pregnant because I would say no. I didn't want him to try to fix the situation by marrying me when he wouldn't have necessarily did it if I wasn't pregnant.

I am specifically speaking of women 30+ for a reason.

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