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I find it hard to believe people still do this

I know four women in their 30's who got pregnant and married the baby's father. These women didn't get married because they were in 'love', but because she wanted to legitimize her child. Two of those women are seperated and divorcing. The other two are miserable in their marriages.

Why do women/men feel the need to legitimize their children with marriage?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Replies (31-40):
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting sneffy014:


Quoting gcecelie:

 When you are 30, single, not dating anyone, and really need some you-know-what... you will just find someone you can tolerate ona consistent basis for solely that pleasure reason. It is just the way things work for a lot of single people.

Consider yourself 20 years lucky :-P

Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.

 

I get the "you know what" aspect of it. I guess I am lucky but marriage is a partnership. It takes work.  However, how does that explain why 4 women the OP knows got pregnant too? Based on a circle of friends, that seems like a high number. Also, based on what I am reading, many other women are in the same situation.  I find it difficult to believe that all these women had birth control failures. Therefore, the only conclusion I can come to is they chose this path for themselves. I think many women in their 30s feel their biological clock "ticking" and  deep inside want marriage and a family so they go for it no matter what the consequences.

Definite possibility.

I have a had time relating to women who are sneaky and manipulative. They piss me off. I also have a difficult time understanding why women don't take time for reflection on their lives and personal choices.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:18 AM

 Yes, I had a friend who did this.

I don't agree with jumping into marriage especially when you are doing it because you are concerned what others will think of you

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:21 AM
8 moms liked this


Quoting lga1965:

 Why do women decide NOT to get married and look down on marriage and say "they don't need a piece of paper" to feel married and say they are so much in love that they are pefectly safe in their relationship with their SO ?

How many women marry a guy they don't love just to make their children "legitimate" ??? Not many today. LOL.Maybe 50 years ago they might.

The bigger question is "Why do they get pregnant and have a baby with someone they don't love"? Birth control is the answer. Or just not having sex with a guy they don't love is a better option.

Birth control isn't any more the answer than marriage. Children can be a blessing and be very loved and wanted without two parents in the home.



Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:22 AM


Quoting HaileysMom07180:

i did marry my babys dad, but after she was born, it had nothing to do with dd's birth but my dad was born and raised in the 50s.  when i told him i was pregnant with my dd, i distinctly remember him telling me my child was gong to be born a bastard.  it still bothers me today that he said that.  i only allow him to see her on holidays, but he even keeps that to a minimal.  his entire side of the family is very much like him.  when my dd was born and because i chose to keep her, the rest of the family minus a few members basically excommunicated me from the family.  they r nice to me when my dads around but they don't invite me or my husband to family reunions or get togethers.  i found out that a few months ago a bunch of family members came into town and they didn't bother to stop by and say hi or anything.  We are moving to another state soon.  my family is the only thing here.  my dad got really offended the other day when i told him theres nothing here for me anymore but its true.  i'm tired of feeling like i don't fit in so we are moving to be closer to my husbands family.  i talk to my dh's grandma on the phone almost daily and feel like i fit in there and they don't care that dd was born before we were married.

I am so sorry you had to deal with that!


Mommy4000
by Ray of sunshine on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:23 AM
2 moms liked this

I think for some, these kinds of marriages still work. It's about priorities, and sometimes that persons priority isn't love, but about what is best for their children. It's much like an arranged marriage. I don't see the harm in it if done right.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting la_bella_vita:

 Yes, I had a friend who did this.

I don't agree with jumping into marriage especially when you are doing it because you are concerned what others will think of you

and that's my point


Kat31
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:23 AM
What state are you from, if you don't mind me aking?


Quoting HaileysMom07180:

i did marry my babys dad, but after she was born, it had nothing to do with dd's birth but my dad was born and raised in the 50s.  when i told him i was pregnant with my dd, i distinctly remember him telling me my child was gong to be born a bastard.  it still bothers me today that he said that.  i only allow him to see her on holidays, but he even keeps that to a minimal.  his entire side of the family is very much like him.  when my dd was born and because i chose to keep her, the rest of the family minus a few members basically excommunicated me from the family.  they r nice to me when my dads around but they don't invite me or my husband to family reunions or get togethers.  i found out that a few months ago a bunch of family members came into town and they didn't bother to stop by and say hi or anything.  We are moving to another state soon.  my family is the only thing here.  my dad got really offended the other day when i told him theres nothing here for me anymore but its true.  i'm tired of feeling like i don't fit in so we are moving to be closer to my husbands family.  i talk to my dh's grandma on the phone almost daily and feel like i fit in there and they don't care that dd was born before we were married.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Mommy4000:

I think for some, these kinds of marriages still work. It's about priorities, and sometimes that persons priority isn't love, but about what is best for their children. It's much like an arranged marriage. I don't see the harm in it if done right.

I agree with this


lga1965
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:29 AM
3 moms liked this

 There are other methods, you know. And we are not talking about you and your marriage. We are addressing the OP's questions.

If a woman doesn't love a man, I would think she would NOT get pregnant( using whatever birth control method that will WORK for her)It just makes sense,I think.And what would make even MORE sense would be that she just wouldn't have sex/make love when there is no love in the relationship. Oh I know, silly me, using my head instead of my hormones and sex organs.

Quoting katzmeow726:

Because birth control, obvioulsy, works all the time yes?  A digestive disorder that impedes the absorption of things into the body is why my pill failed.  I was lucky to be married to the man I loved at the time.

Still didn't change the fact that my pills failed. Some people just aren't lucky enough for it to happen inside of marriage. 

Quoting lga1965:

 Why do women decide NOT to get married and look down on marriage and say "they don't need a piece of paper" to feel married and say they are so much in love that they are pefectly safe in their relationship with their SO ?

How many women marry a guy they don't love just to make their children "legitimate" ??? Not many today. LOL.Maybe 50 years ago they might.

The bigger question is "Why do they get pregnant and have a baby with someone they don't love"? Birth control is the answer. Or just not having sex with a guy they don't love is a better option.


 

MrsErdos2011
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:40 AM

I moved my wedding up 3 months because I was pregnant. 

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