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I find it hard to believe people still do this

I know four women in their 30's who got pregnant and married the baby's father. These women didn't get married because they were in 'love', but because she wanted to legitimize her child. Two of those women are seperated and divorcing. The other two are miserable in their marriages.

Why do women/men feel the need to legitimize their children with marriage?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Replies (351-360):
SimpleComSense
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:04 AM


Quoting LKRA:

Go Oreo or go home.

My opinion: Do what makes you happy, yo.

Quoting SimpleComSense:


Quoting LKRA:

Do I get a cookie if I share my personal story? Does it even matter?

I suppose it doesn't matter to us, if it doesn't matter to you.  How about an opinion without personal information?  I don't think anyone would fault you for either.  If you need a cookie...I suggest Kebler.  They are excellent!



I totally agree!  I even agree with the Oreo...your right, Oreo's are DEFINITELY hard to beat!!


mickstinator
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

i was expected to do that and didn't. i am now in a wonderful marriage with my child's father. i think if we had rushed it, we might have screwed everything up.

tiebreaker2012
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:09 AM

Not this action is for me, my brother did marry his first wife because she became pregnant with their son. She had 3 children from her previous marriage, and they felt it was better for her children if they were married before telling the kids about the baby. In the end, the kids were smart enough to do the math (as was the now 15 year old) and it didn't really matter to them. My niece was born almost exactly 2 years later, and they ended up divorcing when she was 6. My brother told me years later he was never in love with her, and if it hadn't been for the pregnancy, he wouldn't have ever married her. He doesn't regret his kids and wouldn't trade them for anything, but he said he felt she got pregnant on purpose to trap him into marrying her. And he's probably right. They weren't happy together and the kids got hurt. So was it really worth it? Who know? In the end, we all got two amazing kids, so yes, it was. We wouldn't trade them for anything.  

Rebecca

mkh615
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:10 AM
1 mom liked this

A guy who went to law school with DH married the girl he knocked up when they were 20. They were married less than a year and the 9 months that they were married were MISERABLE. It was really depressing to see the way they treated each other. They constantly used their daughter as a pawn in some sick game.


Lilypie Maternity tickers

Mazie0723
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:21 AM


Quoting kenleespice:


Quoting Mazie0723:

I married for love... :) An old friend of mine is 30 and just wants to marry any man that will have her she doesn't care about love she just wants someone to take of her and her fatherless children. Its sad and pathetic.

no its not sad and pathetic,its that she is probably lonely and tired of doing it all by herself,and the fact that you old friend and she is only 30 tells me you are very young and have yet to experience real life

lol I am 30 myself. I said old friend because she is no longer my friend. It is very sad that she would settle. And no one made her have unprotected sex with those men and have kids. She gets pregnant to try and trap guys and after the first two times it didn't work you'd think she'd learn but nope. She has been "pregnant" at least 6 times in the last 3 years but keep losing them. I guess you'd have to know her personally to understand.

                                          Little Man

pregnancy week by week



stormflower21
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:26 AM

I got pregnant at 25...wasn't planning on it-and no I wasn't on bc...but then I have a medical condition that made me thing I couldn't have kids.... at least not successfully, so i didn't think I was at risk.. I count my son as a miracle because I was extremely healthy while I was pregnant with him and there was a risk that it would  have been the opposite and either I or the baby could have died.

The father didn;t want any more kids (he has one with his previous marriage)  and has nothing to do with my son, has never met him... 3 years ago I married my husband (he has 3 kids from his marriage -all teenagers), If my son's father had asked I would have said no too. My husband is my son's father in all ways but blood.... my 22 year old step-son has a 4 month old baby girl -he's engaged to his gf and wants nothing to do with her hardly... (which I think is stupid and don't know why they have just not broken up)... my now (unfortunately) 17 year old step-daughter is currently pregnant with a girl due in Dec..Her and her bf are still together but not engaged and her father and I have both said DOn't marry him just because. I really hope she dumps his butt-because he is lazy...and has no job and he;s only 18. By the way I had nothing to do with those decisions my step-kids made...the boy lives with his mom-the girl moved in with us last year and we didnt know she was even having sex-she lied to her father about it, although I suspected but try telling a man what his daughter might be doing what he trusts her completly is impossible-I didn't knw she was having sex-but  the way she would dress around him made me think they were at least making out-and he wouldn't curtail her dressing around him or him being around so much.

mantyangel
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:28 AM

I think that is an over-simplification.  I am in a relationship with someone that I love and care for very much.  We are not married yet, and if I got pregnant I would get married because I would feel like it was time to take the next step.  I'm sure people would think it was because of the baby, but we would get married even without a baby.  I was divorced once, so I am dragging my feet to do it again, not because of our relationship, just fear of how the last one went. 

Marriages are hard, they end in divorce at least 50% of the time whether or not baby was there from the beginning.

Stephanie329
by Platinum Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:52 AM
I've missed you too and hope you stick around :)

Boy child smells bad? Oh my goodness - chronic diarrhea possibly?

My boys are teenagers. Gulp, TEENAGERS!

This is a whole new ball game and I spend a lot of the day in my bedroom curled into a fetal position.


Quoting LKRA:

*blows kisses* I've missed you, darlin'.


I've been AWESOME! The boy is VERY sweet. A good-natured child.


But.


He smells, Steph. I mean, he stinks. He has since he was about three months old.


So gross.


He'll be a year old next Friday, if you can believe it.


No more chillens for us; Bean got snipped back in April. *sigh* I'll miss being pregnant. I loved it.


How are J00! Boys still alive?


Quoting Stephanie329:

Well spanx, nothing surprised me anymore about you ;)

How have you been? Is boy child as scary as you thought he'd be?

Are you knocked up again yet?

Quoting LKRA:


*raises hand*



lol



Quoting Stephanie329:

I'm with OP, who still does this?


 



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
dilateyourmind
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:11 AM
2 moms liked this

IT BAFFLES ME.  moreso though, when I hear women on here talk about how miserable their lives are with their husbands but stay so the children have both parents.  My parents divorced when I was 13. THANK GOD! I pretended to cry when I was really happy about it. Guess what. Your kids are not better off with two miserable parents.

myname27
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.

im 29 and I feel the same way you do :) So, there are younger people like myself, who are old fashioned as you say :) I also teach my children these "old fashioned" ways.  I have been with my SO for 15 years believe it or not and we have been married for 8. I love the fact that we have only been with eachother, it's so rare these days

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