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I find it hard to believe people still do this

I know four women in their 30's who got pregnant and married the baby's father. These women didn't get married because they were in 'love', but because she wanted to legitimize her child. Two of those women are seperated and divorcing. The other two are miserable in their marriages.

Why do women/men feel the need to legitimize their children with marriage?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Replies (361-370):
Rosehawk
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:32 AM

The unplanned conception of my son was the last straw that got my husband excommunicated from his church. When he was able, he started the process to re-enter  the same church. At one point it came down to an ultimatum: Get married, or move out of the home. His church DID NOT like that we were unmarried and living together.

It was the only ultimatum I succumbed to. I was raised by a single parent that did a horrible job raising me. I did not want to be that parent to MY child(ren). So I caved in and agreed to marry him.

I'm not deliriously happy in my marraige, but I'm not miserable either.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:34 AM


Quoting Rosehawk:

The unplanned conception of my son was the last straw that got my husband excommunicated from his church. When he was able, he started the process to re-enter  the same church. At one point it came down to an ultimatum: Get married, or move out of the home. His church DID NOT like that we were unmarried and living together.

It was the only ultimatum I succumbed to. I was raised by a single parent that did a horrible job raising me. I did not want to be that parent to MY child(ren). So I caved in and agreed to marry him.

I'm not deliriously happy in my marraige, but I'm not miserable either.

LDS?

Rosehawk
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Rosehawk:

The unplanned conception of my son was the last straw that got my husband excommunicated from his church. When he was able, he started the process to re-enter  the same church. At one point it came down to an ultimatum: Get married, or move out of the home. His church DID NOT like that we were unmarried and living together.

It was the only ultimatum I succumbed to. I was raised by a single parent that did a horrible job raising me. I did not want to be that parent to MY child(ren). So I caved in and agreed to marry him.

I'm not deliriously happy in my marraige, but I'm not miserable either.

LDS?

ROFLOL. Yes. What gave it away?

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Rosehawk:


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Rosehawk:

The unplanned conception of my son was the last straw that got my husband excommunicated from his church. When he was able, he started the process to re-enter  the same church. At one point it came down to an ultimatum: Get married, or move out of the home. His church DID NOT like that we were unmarried and living together.

It was the only ultimatum I succumbed to. I was raised by a single parent that did a horrible job raising me. I did not want to be that parent to MY child(ren). So I caved in and agreed to marry him.

I'm not deliriously happy in my marraige, but I'm not miserable either.

LDS?

ROFLOL. Yes. What gave it away?

the whole situation, actually. = ) The mormon religion and I have have an ongoing dislike for one another.

garnet83
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Studies show that children, generally, benefit most from living in a home with both mother and father. I think there are mothers who genuinely want their children to have these benefits which is understandable. They love their children and want them to have every advantage in life. Unfortunately, if it doesn't work out, everyone involved is affected by the split. I don't think it's fair to declare their thought process as old fashioned or antiquated. Psychology backs up the idea that 2 parent homes are ideal as well as small things such as regularly sitting down and having dinner as a family. While these things are becoming less common, it doesn't make them any less ideal.

Rosehawk
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:45 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Rosehawk:


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Rosehawk:

The unplanned conception of my son was the last straw that got my husband excommunicated from his church. When he was able, he started the process to re-enter  the same church. At one point it came down to an ultimatum: Get married, or move out of the home. His church DID NOT like that we were unmarried and living together.

It was the only ultimatum I succumbed to. I was raised by a single parent that did a horrible job raising me. I did not want to be that parent to MY child(ren). So I caved in and agreed to marry him.

I'm not deliriously happy in my marraige, but I'm not miserable either.

LDS?

ROFLOL. Yes. What gave it away?

the whole situation, actually. = ) The mormon religion and I have have an ongoing dislike for one another.

For the most part we agree to disagree. I can see that it's important to my husband (8.5 years together now), and many other people, but it's NOT for me. I've gone to church with friends and family that are members, and after about 5 minutes of talking I'm struggling to stay awake. Not to mention, on Fast Sunday (first Sunday of the month) I don't get why everyone who talks winds up crying like babies halfway through saying what they wanted to say.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:47 AM


Quoting Rosehawk:


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Rosehawk:


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting Rosehawk:

The unplanned conception of my son was the last straw that got my husband excommunicated from his church. When he was able, he started the process to re-enter  the same church. At one point it came down to an ultimatum: Get married, or move out of the home. His church DID NOT like that we were unmarried and living together.

It was the only ultimatum I succumbed to. I was raised by a single parent that did a horrible job raising me. I did not want to be that parent to MY child(ren). So I caved in and agreed to marry him.

I'm not deliriously happy in my marraige, but I'm not miserable either.

LDS?

ROFLOL. Yes. What gave it away?

the whole situation, actually. = ) The mormon religion and I have have an ongoing dislike for one another.

For the most part we agree to disagree. I can see that it's important to my husband (8.5 years together now), and many other people, but it's NOT for me. I've gone to church with friends and family that are members, and after about 5 minutes of talking I'm struggling to stay awake. Not to mention, on Fast Sunday (first Sunday of the month) I don't get why everyone who talks winds up crying like babies halfway through saying what they wanted to say.

The fast and testimony meetings are always emotional.....

LKRA
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:50 AM

Work is kicking my ass, but in a good way. New job, yo! I'm in HEAVEN! So I don't really have time to dick around with you losers. But I'll pop in and smart off from time to time.

No poop problems. It's more of a........you know. BOY smell. I know you know that smell. He's gross. Once I used peppermint soap in hopes of making him smell like Christmas. But, hand to God, he ended up smelling like sour milk.

He's just foul. But cute! Imma post a picture in a hot minute.

Let me know how that fetal position works out for you. Last I heard, doing that turn women into grandmothers if they're not careful.

Quoting Stephanie329:

I've missed you too and hope you stick around :)

Boy child smells bad? Oh my goodness - chronic diarrhea possibly?

My boys are teenagers. Gulp, TEENAGERS!

This is a whole new ball game and I spend a lot of the day in my bedroom curled into a fetal position.


LKRA
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:52 AM
1 mom liked this

This is HUGE for me. I'm big on all of us sitting down at the dinner table and talking about our day over food over which I slaved for an hour.

Quoting garnet83:

Studies show that children, generally, benefit most from living in a home with both mother and father. I think there are mothers who genuinely want their children to have these benefits which is understandable. They love their children and want them to have every advantage in life. Unfortunately, if it doesn't work out, everyone involved is affected by the split. I don't think it's fair to declare their thought process as old fashioned or antiquated. Psychology backs up the idea that 2 parent homes are ideal as well as small things such as regularly sitting down and having dinner as a family. While these things are becoming less common, it doesn't make them any less ideal.


kelliewhitney
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this

If the dad would not make a good life partner, it's a HORRIBLE idea. If he would, I see no problem with it. I know a woman who lived with a man for about 10 years before she got pregnant. They have a great relationship, but never saw a reason to get married. Once they found out that they were expecting, off to the county court they went to get married. They were planning to be together forever anyway, so it made sense.

It makes fiscal sense to be married to the father. Now that she is his wife (and has been for well over 20 years) they don't need to worry about inheritance and Social Security issues if either of them passes away. They are VERY financially sound, so there are tons of assets that could wind up in probate, even with a will, if they were not married.

It's just simpler, assuming the dad is not a douche.

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