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I find it hard to believe people still do this

I know four women in their 30's who got pregnant and married the baby's father. These women didn't get married because they were in 'love', but because she wanted to legitimize her child. Two of those women are seperated and divorcing. The other two are miserable in their marriages.

Why do women/men feel the need to legitimize their children with marriage?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Replies (41-50):
lga1965
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:49 AM
4 moms liked this

 

Quoting sneffy014:

My question is why women in their 30s are having babies with men they don't love? With all the methods of protection nowadays, I find it hard to believe that all 4 of the women you know had accidents. I am not trying to be snarky, I am just a bit old-fashioned. My 20th Anniversary is in a few weeks so I can't imagine having sex or a baby with someone I didn't care about.

 I agree. You aren't being snarky either.

I think you're right, but not oldfashioned.

I couldn't have random sex .... I waited to have sex/make love with the man I loved and have children when I was married to the man I loved.

I am taking a risk by saying this, I know.

Oh, and I don't have facts to back up my opinion.....LOL.

caito
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Ugh

I got shit from family members because I didn't marry my husband as soon as I got pregnant. In fact we didn't get married until our daughter was nine months old, and we only got married when we did so we could jump start the green card process. We weren't in any rush to get married...we were living together and felt married anyway, we just didn't have the legal document.

I don't know why people freak out over having kids outside of marriage. In today's world it's not really that big of a deal.

asfriend
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this
Ok

Who are you and what have you done with Iga?




Quoting lga1965:

 Why do women decide NOT to get married and look down on marriage and say "they don't need a piece of paper" to feel married and say they are so much in love that they are pefectly safe in their relationship with their SO ?


How many women marry a guy they don't love just to make their children "legitimate" ??? Not many today. LOL.Maybe 50 years ago they might.


The bigger question is "Why do they get pregnant and have a baby with someone they don't love"? Birth control is the answer. Or just not having sex with a guy they don't love is a better option.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
asfriend
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:47 AM
4 moms liked this
The fact that is isn't a big deal, is the problem.


Quoting caito:

Ugh

I got shit from family members because I didn't marry my husband as soon as I got pregnant. In fact we didn't get married until our daughter was nine months old, and we only got married when we did so we could jump start the green card process. We weren't in any rush to get married...we were living together and felt married anyway, we just didn't have the legal document.

I don't know why people freak out over having kids outside of marriage. In today's world it's not really that big of a deal.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jillianmayasmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:49 AM
My husband would 100% agree with you. His parents didn't divorce until he was 23. He wishes they had done it when he was about 10.


Quoting NWP:

It seems a bit antiquated, doesn't it? As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you from experience it is isn't always in the best interests of the children for the parents to stay in a miserable marraige.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
katzmeow726
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Some people don't have sex for the love, some like the physical nature without the emotional attachment.  It's not my thing, but not everyone thinks or believes like you do...as hard as that is to believe for you. 

Quoting lga1965:

 There are other methods, you know. And we are not talking about you and your marriage. We are addressing the OP's questions.

If a woman doesn't love a man, I would think she would NOT get pregnant( using whatever birth control method that will WORK for her)It just makes sense,I think.And what would make even MORE sense would be that she just wouldn't have sex/make love when there is no love in the relationship. Oh I know, silly me, using my head instead of my hormones and sex organs.

Quoting katzmeow726:

Because birth control, obvioulsy, works all the time yes?  A digestive disorder that impedes the absorption of things into the body is why my pill failed.  I was lucky to be married to the man I loved at the time.

Still didn't change the fact that my pills failed. Some people just aren't lucky enough for it to happen inside of marriage. 

Quoting lga1965:

 Why do women decide NOT to get married and look down on marriage and say "they don't need a piece of paper" to feel married and say they are so much in love that they are pefectly safe in their relationship with their SO ?

How many women marry a guy they don't love just to make their children "legitimate" ??? Not many today. LOL.Maybe 50 years ago they might.

The bigger question is "Why do they get pregnant and have a baby with someone they don't love"? Birth control is the answer. Or just not having sex with a guy they don't love is a better option.


 


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lga1965
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:05 PM

 

Quoting jillianmayasmom:

My husband would 100% agree with you. His parents didn't divorce until he was 23. He wishes they had done it when he was about 10.


Quoting NWP:

It seems a bit antiquated, doesn't it? As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you from experience it is isn't always in the best interests of the children for the parents to stay in a miserable marraige.


 I know it is not good for people to stay married if they are miserable because the kids suffer.

But I think this is a whole other topic.

lga1965
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

 I believe it. Why would you think I don't? Everyone has different ways of thinking and living.

And why is it that whenever I tell how I feel, you automatically get snarky?Do I always have to agree with you , to validate YOU?

 

Quoting katzmeow726:

Some people don't have sex for the love, some like the physical nature without the emotional attachment.  It's not my thing, but not everyone thinks or believes like you do...as hard as that is to believe for you

Quoting lga1965:

 There are other methods, you know. And we are not talking about you and your marriage. We are addressing the OP's questions.

If a woman doesn't love a man, I would think she would NOT get pregnant( using whatever birth control method that will WORK for her)It just makes sense,I think.And what would make even MORE sense would be that she just wouldn't have sex/make love when there is no love in the relationship. Oh I know, silly me, using my head instead of my hormones and sex organs.

Quoting katzmeow726:

Because birth control, obvioulsy, works all the time yes?  A digestive disorder that impedes the absorption of things into the body is why my pill failed.  I was lucky to be married to the man I loved at the time.

Still didn't change the fact that my pills failed. Some people just aren't lucky enough for it to happen inside of marriage. 

Quoting lga1965:

 Why do women decide NOT to get married and look down on marriage and say "they don't need a piece of paper" to feel married and say they are so much in love that they are pefectly safe in their relationship with their SO ?

How many women marry a guy they don't love just to make their children "legitimate" ??? Not many today. LOL.Maybe 50 years ago they might.

The bigger question is "Why do they get pregnant and have a baby with someone they don't love"? Birth control is the answer. Or just not having sex with a guy they don't love is a better option.


 


 

katy_kay08
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:09 PM
4 moms liked this

By the age of 30 women should know where babies come from and how to prevent becoming pregnant by men they do not see as a life partner.  Their mistakes don't start with marrying men they do not love.  

sweet-a-kins
by Emerald Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:27 PM

 I don't think I could...in fact..I couldn't!

It does seem a bit outdated..

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