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 My dd is 14 and goes to a performing arts high school.  She gets striaght A's and follows the rules.  She hasn't asked me to date and loves to go out with friends. I have let her get her ears pierced and she now has three holes. SHe asked me to get the underside of her hair (which is long and curly) dyed red. So, I let her.  My MIL flipped out. She said between the ear peircings and now getting her hair dyed she is going to look like a "hood". Another mom said she would never let he dd dye her hair until she was 18.

My opinion is she is a good kid and wants to have some fun with her appearance. This is the time to do it.


by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:50 AM
Replies (111-120):
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:25 PM
Its fine
Its fine
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:28 PM

If she's getting all A's and good kid? I don't think it's a big deal. 3 holes I have a problem with ONLY because it's there for life and she might not get that "life" thing. But whatever. I don't think it's bad parenting, just not my style.

Point being? If she a good kid and doing well in school? What's a little hairdye underneath.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:34 PM
We'll have rules about modesty, and I won't allow tatoos or guages until 18. But hair dye and piercings are fine.
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by guerrilla girl on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:37 PM

I think it is fine allowing her to do this. The middle school age kids in my DD's school do this to their hair and they are all wonderful kids.

There are too may other things to worry about than this.

You are a good mama

by Emerald Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:35 PM

For me.....I let my daughter get her first piercings in her ears when she was 13. Then no more, and she could do what she wanted when she was 18. I never let her dye her hair, but she also never asked.

by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:40 PM

I'm with you. A good kid shouldn't have their aesthetic choices micromanaged by their parents, and sure as hell not by their grandparents. 

by TC on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:43 PM
Hair dying? I wouldn't pay for it, but I would give permission for it.
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:03 PM
1 mom liked this


Second, I grew up in a very strict, Christian, conservative household.  I was treated like a kindergartener all the way up until I left home at 18.  I made good grades, was responsible, and never got in any real trouble.  I asked to use TEMPORARY hair dye in my hair when I was 16.  My dad informed me that only "druggies and devil worshippers" dye their hair like that.  (It was purple hair dye, I believe.)  I was treated like a criminal in my own home for no reason, other than I apparently couldn't be trusted to make good decisions at any point, simply because I was a teenager.  I resent my father for this to this very day.  I love him, and I am lucky to have come from a home where all my needs were met, but still.  I applaud you for allowing your daughter some independence.  I think each child is different, and their priveleges should be based on their level of personal accountability.  I think your mother probably comes from my father's generation, where any sort of individuality was considered subversive.  (and I have to admit, I giggled a little when I read your mom said she was going to look like a "hood".....reminded me of Stand By Me, LOL!)  I think you are doing exactly the right thing by allowing her some room to be herself.  Hair grows, piercings can be removed, but you only have one childhood.  Getting to explore her identity while safely under your roof will help to avoid some of the wilder behaviors later.  Trust me.  Once out of my dad's house, I was trying to make up for the time I lost as a teen, and I wasn't making great decisions.  No matter what, remember, she is your daughter.  She isn't anyone else's.  Other moms (including your own) have the right to choose their own form of child-rearing.  They should also learn to butt out of yours.  Let her be herself......besides, how fun will it be to show your grandkids just how weird and funny Mommy used to look when she was a teen, LOL!

by Platinum Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:08 PM

 Non-permanent changes to appearance are not hills I'm willing to die on.  Ear piercing for regular earrings are fine, but those giant plugs that can't just close up if you change your mind would be a big fat "no".  Hair dye I wouldn't care about. 

by Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:34 PM

Sounds like you have a great kid there! What I can't get over is that she actually asked her mother before coloring it! (most kids would not) I think you made a wise decision in letting her express herself.  Especially since she gets excellent grades.  I have a friend who's son is on honor roll, and she let him get gauges and tattos and piercings.  He looks a little intimidating at first, but is a very sweet kid.  He is very respectful of his mom.  He is also in a band.  But he gets straight A's and that was their deal. 

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