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family members that expect gifts

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:39 AM
  • 84 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Is it rude to expect gifts from extended family and friends during the holidays?

Options:

No

Other

Yes


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 98

View Results

Am I the only one that is completely turned off by it?

My in laws expect to be gifted exactly what they ask for for Christmas.

In my family we typically make or bakes things to exchange and just enjoy our time together.

by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
katy_kay08
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Every family has different traditions surrounding the holiday and while they may be my in laws they are my husband's parents and siblings and I try to be equally respectful of their traditions as I would be the traditions of my immediate family.  I just tend to feel like these things come with blending families.  

My in laws love handmade gifts though, so my SILs and I generally exchange things we have made with each other.  

ChancesMommy07
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:46 AM
2 moms liked this

My family is just to big to buy for everyone. What we do is everyone brings a gift ($15 limit) and they are all put in a big pile on the floor. There are no names on them. Then we all draw numbers from a hat. Number one picks and opens the first gift, number 2 can then either take #1s gift or pick a new one and so on, eahc person being able to steal an already opened gift or choose a new one. Its always a ton of fun and the gifts get pretty creative. Its not about the presents so much as a fun game that we play as a family. And as there are generally over 30 of us there it takes awhile. The kids draw names and they each get a gift for the child whos name they draw. No one in my family expects gifts, we just enjoy being together.

Ziva65
by Gold Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't want to come right out and say it's rude, but I honestly just ignore it. Doesn't matter to me if someone expects it or not. I've noticed so many people don't even know what manners are, I'm not sure I can call it rude, I think they may just not know any better really.

The other thing is, that if there as been a pattern established in which gifts have been given, then yes, people will inadvertently expect it. If they give one, they may expect one in return as well.

I got tired of getting stuff for my husbands siblings family/ kids. One year I just decided I didn't have the time and didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted to either do nothing, or just a family gift. I gave everyone notice, and just send cards. We didn't want anything from them at all. No relationship issues, it's just a hassle to buy it, ship it, figure out what kids wanted, etc.

No one complied, they all sent gifts anyway. After that, I sent innocuous family gifts- Harry and Davids, etc. No specific child presents at all. I have 6 or so nieces and nephews on my husbands side, I don't want to shop for each one. We rarely see them, and I'm not sure of their exact ages even. Maybe I'm just a bah humbug- but I'm really not interested. I have no siblings, but even for my personal close friends I just do a general family gift.

I think a card is fine- even some homebaked things are fine... we don't need to go overboard on gifts. JMO.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:49 AM

I am totally with you on this one!

Once we reached a certain age, gifts were not a big deal anymore.  We didn't expect them and were thankful for what we got.  My MIL and BIL EXPECT tons of stuff and we are given a list EVERY year and it's not a cheap list either.  They both use the holidays (and any occasion) as an excuse to ask for exorbitant things and money.  My MIL one year, without being prompted, came right out during dinner and said "this year I have a list for you, but I really would prefer to get money as well because I'd like to go shopping and do a few things."  I was floored because I thought this was the height of bad taste and I feel that as an adult, you should not be expecting gifts like that.

Firenygirl180
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:51 AM
Df gets his dad and older brother an alcohol gift set each. And we get his sister in law a gift card to pier one. For his mom we usually have a photo gift made and we do the same for his sister.
I don't think family should expect things, but it is nice to have something to open on Christmas
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jillianmayasmom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this
We celebrate Chanukah, not Christmas but, the last couple of years, we have only been buying for the kids. Much easier and less stressful.
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FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

In my opinion, yes, it is rude.  One should never 'expect' a Christmas gift.  

Thankfully my family has never held this expectation.  We all take care of the kiddos and send each other cards or call.  We've never expected any thing.  When we can afford to go that extra mile for every one, it is such a great feeling when they are so surprised.


Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:56 AM


Quoting Ziva65:

I don't want to come right out and say it's rude, but I honestly just ignore it. Doesn't matter to me if someone expects it or not. I've noticed so many people don't even know what manners are, I'm not sure I can call it rude, I think they may just not know any better really.

The other thing is, that if there as been a pattern established in which gifts have been given, then yes, people will inadvertantly expect it. If they give one, they may expect one in return as well.

I got tired of getting stuff form my husbands siblings family/ kids. One year I just decided I didn't have the time and didn't want to do it anymore. I wanted to either do nothing, or just a family gift. I gave everyone notice, and just send cards. We didn't want anything from them at all. No relationship issues, it's just a hassle to buy it, ship it, figure out what kids wanted, etc.

No one complied, they all sent gifts anyway. After that, I sent innocuous family gifts- Harry and Davids, etc. No spcific child presents at all. I have 6 or so neices and nephews on my husbands side, I don't want to shop for each one. We rarely see them, and I'm not sure of their exact ages even. Maybe I'm just a bah humbug- but I'm relaly not interested. I have no siblings, but even for my personal close friends I just do a general family gift.

I think a card is fine- even some homebaked things are fine... we don't need to go overboard on gifts. JMO.

Before we had our first I took initiative to do what I wanted and gift how I wanted. We'd been married for 2 years at that point. Since we were hosting the holiday dinner I decided to contract a limo for our family to take all of us on a tour of the most festively decorated homes and businesses. We also took a horse and carriage ride through a very large decorated city park. I made sure to prepare appetizers and stock beverages.

My husband was impressed but his family thought it was lame and had no problem telling him that. The following Christmas I received a Christmas card from my MIL addressed only to me. She said she 'appreciated' my effort the previous year but would prefer if I stuck to the "list" this year.

I fail

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:59 AM


Quoting Firenygirl180:

Df gets his dad and older brother an alcohol gift set each. And we get his sister in law a gift card to pier one. For his mom we usually have a photo gift made and we do the same for his sister.
I don't think family should expect things, but it is nice to have something to open on Christmas

I love buying gift for people. I love to see their face when they open it. I used to try to put a lot of thought into gifts.

Now I'd just prefer to donate to charities like angel trees and toys for tots.

radioheid
by Libertarian on Dec. 3, 2012 at 11:01 AM
2 moms liked this

 Yes, it is rude, and it is also not a "gift" if it is actually an expectation. An expected "gift" is no gift at all, it is the materialization of one's feeling of entitlement.


"Roger that. Over."

R   A   D    I    O    H    E    I    D

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