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What keeps men from proposing marriage to the mothers of their children? *EDIT*

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If you don't care about marriage fine, this isn't about you.

I am speaking about situations in which the women would like to be married.  Why do men feel it is acceptable to live year after year with these women who have given them a child, expecting them to fulfill wifely duties, but never propose?

How many years is enough time to wait before the woman has a right to get angry?

These are just hypothetical questions.

ETA:

For those suggesting that she propose to him:

The whole point is that the man doesn't want to get married, so it doesn't matter if the woman proposes or not.  Imagine she did and he said no.


by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:31 PM
Replies (11-20):
Sisteract
by Whoopie on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Pretty much- common sense, if you ask me.

Quoting Peanutx3:


Quoting futureshock:


Quoting Peanutx3:

If she wants to get married so badly why doesn't she propose to him?

Since this is hypothetical and the point is about men who do not want to marry, let's say "she" did propose and he turned her down.

If I was in a relationship where he didn't ever want to get married and I did I would end the relationship and move on.


AMBG825
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:45 PM
6 moms liked this

Well if she continues to stay with him knowing he has no interest in getting married then either a.) marriage isn't all that high on HER priority list or b.) she has a low self esteem or c.) she is under the delusion that she can make him change his mind. 

CrazyLife1996
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:46 PM
I know for my husband it was because of his childhood. His BF and several SF disappeared out of his life and his mom was and still a nasty vile whore.

He had a hard time trusting that if we married that I wouldn't behave like his mother.


Plus the only relationships I saw last were the couples who didn't marry but the ones who did were divorced by year 2.
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AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:50 PM
2 moms liked this
Yeah, she could ask him if he is too afraid. If he says no then it is up for her to decide. Why do some women settle with these guys when some guys are open and honest about their inability to fulfill dreams of marriage or whatever?
Some chicks actually enter relationships with a list of changes they need to make to their new men to change men to be "good" and willing to marry when the man has no plans on that as their future. It would be easier if people were all honest in the beginning and women didn't settle for what they know they don't want. But that won't happen so here we are.
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i.m.r.
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:51 PM
I'm never sure to be honest. I've never experienced this so I don't know. I have a child out of wedlock, but he still proposed and we are currently saving for a wedding. Regardless of our child though, he would have proposed either way. He had already been planning on it before I became pregnant but it was delayed due to funds with a new baby and what not.

Personally I wouldn't have had a baby with a man that didn't want to commit to me in the first place. Of course not everyone shares those views, and things can't always work out the way we plan, but that's just how I view it. To be honest I think a lot of these men had no plans to be tied to these women for the rest of their lives, but weren't responsible enough to take the appropriate precausions to prevent that and then they share a child and are permanently tied to them regardless of being married or not? Idk, again I've never been in that situation so I have no clue. I think asking a man would be the only way to get a good response, but again most of them will just say they don't want to ever be married.
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wissotamum
by Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:52 PM

According to all the romantic comedies, it's because they're afraid the woman will "let herself go" or stop appreciating him or putting effort into maintaining the relationship.


kidlover2
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:54 PM
This exactly. Speaking as a woman, I have no desire to be married. Marriage holds no safety for me and brings about negative connotations. My SO understands and at this point, he is not pushing it because legally it doesn't benefit him anyways. I won't say never, but there would have to be an amazing reason to get married that included taxes and healthcare.

Quoting wissotamum:

I think it sometimes has to do with their childhood - bad marriages and ugly divorces (not understanding that breakups are ugly when kids are involved whether there's a marriage certificate or not).

Also, a desire to keep finances legally separate. If she's going to school, she can get more aide if she's single.  Or if he has child support from a previous relationship, it makes sense for her to not mingle their finances.

Sometimes, it just makes financial sense to stay legally single.

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i.m.r.
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:58 PM
1 mom liked this
My friend's mom is actually of the same mind set. She has been with her current so for about 5-8 years and has made it clear to him that she has no desire to get married. They don't share children because they started dating later in their lives and to her it's just not important to be married. At first he had a problem with it, but after a couple of years I think he realized their relationship was fine without being married and she was committed to him no matter what.

Quoting kidlover2:

This exactly. Speaking as a woman, I have no desire to be married. Marriage holds no safety for me and brings about negative connotations. My SO understands and at this point, he is not pushing it because legally it doesn't benefit him anyways. I won't say never, but there would have to be an amazing reason to get married that included taxes and healthcare.



Quoting wissotamum:

I think it sometimes has to do with their childhood - bad marriages and ugly divorces (not understanding that breakups are ugly when kids are involved whether there's a marriage certificate or not).

Also, a desire to keep finances legally separate. If she's going to school, she can get more aide if she's single.  Or if he has child support from a previous relationship, it makes sense for her to not mingle their finances.

Sometimes, it just makes financial sense to stay legally single.

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lga1965
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:59 PM
3 moms liked this

 I have to just pass this by because there is no way I would have children unless I was already married so I have no idea why the jerk wouldn't marry the mother of his children. If I had to guess, maybe its because the guy is selfish and immature?

Reepicheep.CSL
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:00 PM
3 moms liked this
What makes a woman decide to have children without being married? Why should he fork out money for a ring etc when she is obviously willing to do everything without it.
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