Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

What keeps men from proposing marriage to the mothers of their children? *EDIT*

Posted by   + Show Post

If you don't care about marriage fine, this isn't about you.

I am speaking about situations in which the women would like to be married.  Why do men feel it is acceptable to live year after year with these women who have given them a child, expecting them to fulfill wifely duties, but never propose?

How many years is enough time to wait before the woman has a right to get angry?

These are just hypothetical questions.

ETA:

For those suggesting that she propose to him:

The whole point is that the man doesn't want to get married, so it doesn't matter if the woman proposes or not.  Imagine she did and he said no.


by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:31 PM
Replies (41-50):
mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:44 PM

Ah well we ladies have been having the babies prior to getting married for eons. Been happening since the concept of marriage was invented at the dawn of agriculture 10,000 years ago (more or less). 

Shit happens. We get pregnant regardless of marital status. And sure, it would be solved if people would just stop screwing each other before they get married. But let's be real. That will never ever happen. Even when the punishment is death for having sex outside of marriage, people still get it on. It's who we are. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

I think it depends on the man.

What I would ask is, if it matters so much to a woman, why didn't she get married before she had said baby.


Claire-Huxtable
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:45 PM

The simple fact they don't have to.

If they don't, they still get the woman and the kids and often the state and feds help or even takeover much of his financial responsibility as a parent.

GotSomeKids
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:46 PM

Oh, I'm not saying it doesn't or shouldn't happen.  Please, my family has more than its fair share of unmarried mommies.

I was simply responding to the OP question about a woman "wanting" to be married.

:)

Quoting mehamil1:

Ah well we ladies have been having the babies prior to getting married for eons. Been happening since the concept of marriage was invented at the dawn of agriculture 10,000 years ago (more or less). 

Shit happens. We get pregnant regardless of marital status. And sure, it would be solved if people would just stop screwing each other before they get married. But let's be real. That will never ever happen. Even when the punishment is death for having sex outside of marriage, people still get it on. It's who we are. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

I think it depends on the man.

What I would ask is, if it matters so much to a woman, why didn't she get married before she had said baby.



Sisteract
by Whoopie on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:47 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting Reepicheep.CSL:

What makes a woman decide to have children without being married? Why should he fork out money for a ring etc when she is obviously willing to do everything without it.

Are you reducing marriage, family and love to a business transaction?

Fork out money for a ring?

SHE is willing to do everything...how about THEY are willing to do everything.

GL, and 2 people liked it-

lga1965
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting mehamil1:

And can we stop comparing human women to cows? We're not cows. We're flawed human beings. 

 Okay. If a woman has so little self esteem and needs to please a man and not herself, he will take advantage and use her, take  what he can get without considering her needs. It will be all about him because she lets it be that way. That's pretty much the same..... but not labeling the woman a cow,right?

jhslove
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:49 PM
2 moms liked this

Well, I think that before a couple has a baby together, they need to talk about their respective views of and expectations for marriage.

If a woman knows that she's financially and emotionally prepared to be a single parent, then I'm not going to judge. There are good and bad single parents, and good and bad married parents. Being married or unmarried doesn't make one a fit or unfit parent. But the important thing is for women to understand what's important to them and then refuse to compromise on that. If marriage is important to you, then get married to someone who shares your priorities before having a baby. If it's not, then don't. But if you know you want to get married, it's foolish to have a baby with someone who isn't interested in the same thing and then be surprised when things don't turn out the way you want.

And for God's sake, the worst thing you can do is have a baby with someone who doesn't want to marry you, thinking that suddenly he'll change once the baby comes. It very rarely works out that way.


mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:50 PM
2 moms liked this

Ok good, I was hoping you weren't one of those "if you don't want to get pregant don't have sex!!" people. Cause they suck and lack basic understanding of human nature and physiology and also human history. Seriously, there have been places and times where having a baby outside of wedlock was a death sentence. And it still happened. And not all of it was a result of rape. These people blow my mind at their shortsighted deliberate ignorance. 

Same with my family. I think there's only one cousin on my dad's side who got married before she got pregnant. Everyone else, even the menfolk, managed to create a baby prior to getting married. 

My mothers side is much more straight laced. Heaven forbid you screw up and get knocked up. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

Oh, I'm not saying it doesn't or shouldn't happen.  Please, my family has more than its fair share of unmarried mommies.

I was simply responding to the OP question about a woman "wanting" to be married.

:)

Quoting mehamil1:

Ah well we ladies have been having the babies prior to getting married for eons. Been happening since the concept of marriage was invented at the dawn of agriculture 10,000 years ago (more or less). 

Shit happens. We get pregnant regardless of marital status. And sure, it would be solved if people would just stop screwing each other before they get married. But let's be real. That will never ever happen. Even when the punishment is death for having sex outside of marriage, people still get it on. It's who we are. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

I think it depends on the man.

What I would ask is, if it matters so much to a woman, why didn't she get married before she had said baby.


mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I understand the analogy. I just don't like it when we are compared to animals. I say the same when people say "all men are beasts!" No, you just had a bad experience with one (or more) particular man. That doesn't make them all brutes. 

It's just a tick that gets a rise out of my feminist inclinations. 

Quoting lga1965:
Quoting mehamil1:

And can we stop comparing human women to cows? We're not cows. We're flawed human beings. 

 Okay. If a woman has so little self esteem and needs to please a man and not herself, he will take advantage and use her, take  what he can get without considering her needs. It will be all about him because she lets it be that way. That's pretty much the same..... but not labeling the woman a cow,right?


lga1965
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:54 PM
2 moms liked this

 Hmmmm. That's a faulty generalization. Not all people have sex before marriage. Lots of people don't. Its not gonna kill ya to postpone gratifaction. It just takes self control.And the decision to not have babies before marriage.....since it seems that birth control doesn't work. ...wink...wink.

Quoting mehamil1:

Ah well we ladies have been having the babies prior to getting married for eons. Been happening since the concept of marriage was invented at the dawn of agriculture 10,000 years ago (more or less). 

Shit happens. We get pregnant regardless of marital status. And sure, it would be solved if people would just stop screwing each other before they get married. But let's be real. That will never ever happen. Even when the punishment is death for having sex outside of marriage, people still get it on. It's who we are. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

I think it depends on the man.

What I would ask is, if it matters so much to a woman, why didn't she get married before she had said baby.

 

 

mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:05 PM

The one time I forget to put in "some, not all", it gets pounced on. Just can't win. 

Of course I know that plenty of people choose to wait. However, plenty of others (like myself), choose not too. I have no intention of getting married but that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop getting naked with my partner. That's my choice and I will deal with the consequences that come from this (we're careful, so knock on wood it doesn't happen). 

I tend to not make sweeping generalizations. You must know this about me by now. 

Quoting lga1965

 Hmmmm. That's a faulty generalization. Not all people have sex before marriage. Lots of people don't. Its not gonna kill ya to postpone gratifaction. It just takes self control.And the decision to not have babies before marriage.....since it seems that birth control doesn't work. ...wink...wink.

Quoting mehamil1:

Ah well we ladies have been having the babies prior to getting married for eons. Been happening since the concept of marriage was invented at the dawn of agriculture 10,000 years ago (more or less). 

Shit happens. We get pregnant regardless of marital status. And sure, it would be solved if people would just stop screwing each other before they get married. But let's be real. That will never ever happen. Even when the punishment is death for having sex outside of marriage, people still get it on. It's who we are. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

I think it depends on the man.

What I would ask is, if it matters so much to a woman, why didn't she get married before she had said baby.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN