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Feeding the neighor kids (PIOG)

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Do you feed the neighbor kids? 

We have new neighbors, our kids ( age 5 and 2.5) are friends with their kids (ages 4,6, and 10).

They typically play in the yards, and sometimes our house.  When they are in our house they always ask for food.  even when they are just in our yard - they'll open the screen door and ask for food. They ask for the fruit we have on the counter.

When they are in our house I'll typically feed them, outside, eh.  It aggrevates my DH to no end b/c "we didn't do that as kids"  I agree with him, but I don't care that much though. I don't give snacks to my kids unless I'd give to the friends too,  but it's not my kids asking, it's the friends.

I don't think they are poor as they just bought a house, a trampoline, drive a nice car, etc. . . .  But the kids always say they don't have fruit at their house. 

Do you feed your kids'friends?  or tell them to go home and eat (they live right next door BTW).

Today they've been outside, a rare 60 degrees in Dec in WI.  From the 3 kids we've been asked 5 times.

CafeMom Tickers

by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:53 PM
Replies (71-80):
mikiemom
by Ruby Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 9:53 AM
Yes, this is always the case with my son's friends as well. He is 15 now and it only gets worse. He has one friend that if not monitored and stopped will drink an entire gallon of milk in just a couple of hours. His excuse, they don't have milk at their house. I have limited him to one glass that I pour for him.
SuperChicken
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 10:21 AM


Quoting Mommy_of_Riley:

Why is it rude for a 4 year old to say "I'm hungry".

That is so common at that age for them to want to snack all day long...

I don't see the big deal. It's not a teenager who knows he can wait to eat at home...


Quoting SuperChicken:

It is extremely rude to ask for food in someone else's home.    They have clearly never been taught any manners.  At the same time, it would be rude of you to refuse once asked if you are able to provide the food.    And it is also rude to make someone else uncomfortable by pointing out their lack of manners.  So I would give it to them.   Pleasantly.  


I find that so many young people today have zero concept of manners or appropriate social behavior.  It's a shame.  

A four year old saying I'm hungry is not the same as opening someone's door and demanding fruit.    And the reason it would be rude for a four year old is the same reason it would be rude for a teen.     If you don't teach manners to four years olds (and younger), you're never going to teach them to a teen.   Manners should be something a person isn't even aware of using they are so ingrained by the time they are an adult.  If you have to "think" about your manners, you're not really comfortable.     

That doesn't mean that it's not understandable that a four year old would "slip" on occasion, but repeated times is not "slipping."      His/her parents should be consistent in teaching, so their cute four year old doesn't become a rude and unwelcome teen.   

But, as I said, I would still give the child the food and do it nicely.    It is worse to point out someone else's bad manners than it is to have bad manners in the first place. 

Joqui
by Joqui on Dec. 4, 2012 at 10:44 AM

I work and live out of my office, my boss has a dd that comes over after school and rades my snack drawer, I finnally had to tell her dad... you need to replace my snack drawer lol

PamR
by Pam on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:11 AM

I have snacks around for kids when they are here.  My only child still at home is a teenager and they can eat.  A lot.

A couple of times I have had situations where there were neighbor kids who didn't seem to be getting fed meals at home - they were hungry, as in they hadn't eaten for a while.  I fed them, but I found that disturbing.  In one case, mom was literally locking the kids (ages 4 and 7) out while she "visited" with her boyfriend.  We discussed.  She stopped doing it.  She hated me, but she stopped doing it.

NANAE52
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this
You are handling it well. I have four kids,,,nine grandkids,,two great grandchildren....I,d never tell a child no. I have grown men come to my home now and say,,a great part of my childhood was eating here at your home. They are great people now with great memories....feed the little ones,,,they,ll love you forever.
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NANAE52
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this
You are handling it well. I have four kids,,,nine grandkids,,two great grandchildren....I,d never tell a child no. I have grown men come to my home now and say,,a great part of my childhood was eating here at your home. They are great people now with great memories....feed the little ones,,,they,ll love you forever.
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JenaSmith
by Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Snacks sure but if they are always coming over for it , thats a little different maybe mention to the parents that , Your kids sure do love fruit there always asking us for ours, not that i have a problem with it but i just want to make sure that its ok that they have it. They may with hold fruit for different reasons. I know some citris can upset a stomach or such. I always talk to the parents befor giving food to any child. Now when i lived in Mexico (old mexico) i had these 2-4 kids that would come ever morning except sundays to my house for breakfast cause they were too poor and didnt get enough the nights befor. We owned a store and house so i didnt mind at all feeding them. If a child is starving and i know the family cant afford allot i will feed them. Now if i know they got money and not feeding there child i will report them cause thats just stupid.

purplerobin
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:59 AM


Quoting Bonita131:


Quoting mehamil1:

Have you talked to their parents about it? Sometimes kids don't know what they are doing is considered rude unless they are told it's rude and to not do it. 

If my son has a friend over (I can only handle one kid at a time) I will of course feed them. No question about it. But my son rarely has friends over. Our next door neighbors do not have children my son's age. If I were in your situation I would most definitely tell them to go home if they are hungry. There is no way I'd be supplying food to all these children every single day. Unless I KNEW the family was on hard times and were struggling I would have no problem with it. But it just sounds like they have a case of the "see it and grab it" and don't yet know common courtesy. 

Talk to the parents, tell them what is going on. I know it would probably awkward but still, your house isn't a grocery store. 

Hard to believe you're a parent of a child with such a nasty uncaring response. No maybe their mother hates fruit so she doesn't buy fruit, no maybe their mother doesn't know how to cook so here kids don't eat much of her cooking, no wondering why the kids are always asking for food,  no nothing from you but you saying you'd tell them to go home if they're hungry. 
How does it feel being bitch of the year?

How does it feel being jackass of the year?? Some people don't have an unlimited food budget to feed the entire neighborhood.

JCB911
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 12:04 PM

Thank you,  these are new neighbors. Before this my kids had organized playdates, with the mom's over as well, moms that I"m friends with. I'm not used to this "Mom, my friends are outside can I go play?"

Yesterday, nobody played in our house, it was too nice of a day.  My kids are homeschooled so my 5 yr old is home. Their kids are public school so the older two are not home until 4:30.  My DD wanted candy canes early in the afternoon - so I gave out 3 candy canes (DD, DS and neighbor 4y/oDD).  Then the others came home hours later- by others it's the 6 and 10 year neighbor boys, and there are 2 older neighbor girls (different house, 9 and 10). Sometimes there are two other girls(8 and 7), and the neighbor's boy cousin (10). Pretty much they just run from our house to neighbor's house, to the backyard neighbors house and play (my 2y/o stays in when they do that). So the kids came home from school, and someone said they had had candy canes eariler so DS came in asking for more for those that were at school (my DH got that Q, and said no).  A while later the 10y/o neighbor boy opens our screen door asking for an apple (DH said no), minutes later DS asks for an apple for the 10 y/o (Dh said no), then 10 y/o opens our door and asks again (DH said no). Then they all play a bit more.  THen 6 y/o opens our door asking for a banana ( DH says No),  Then 4 y/o opens our door asking (I said No, DH was in the room).   Then I shooed my DS in the house for dinner.  6 y/o and 4 y/o open our door asking when DS will be done, see some pita crackers on the table and ask for some (I said take one, DS will be out when he's done).  They came over 5 minutes later and did the same thing - opened door, asked for DS, asked for more food.

I don't mind these kids, it's nice that DS has friends. In the past I've fed them everytime they've asked,  DH thinks it's ridiculous b/c we didn't do that when we were kids.  We've had them all over to look through our telescope (by all, I mean 8 kids, incd mine). I let them play in the house, but not when DH is home, b/c "when we were kids we didn't play in each others' house, we played outside".  I've given them glowsticks to play when it's dark.  Their nice kids for the most part, I don't mind sharing stuff - but at some point it's a bit much.  Plus DH is against all of this, I think he wants them to think he's a grump so they don't want to come over so much.  I'd rather they be in our yard/house b/c then I know what's going on, and DS is only 5, he's the youngest of the group, I like to keep an eye on him yet.

This whole "neighbor friend" thing is just new to us, I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Then there's the issue of letting DS go in their houses - I've never been in their house, I don't know what they do in there, or what they have in there (violent video games is a guess though).

Quoting silver007:

The OP is dealing with THREE neighbor kids asking for food 5 times in one day alone (as an example of her day today).

Are you  OK with being "generous" with 3 well-to-do neighbor kids  and feeding them 5 snacks a day? That's 15 handfuls of grapes, or a 2 packs of hot dogs...a day.

I know I couldn't afford to feed fresh fruit daily to 3 extra kids just for the hey of it, it not to mention acommodate whining and bad manners (since they wasted the apples she gave them yesterday)

Maybe offer them one group snack during a play day but after that and would start telling the kids to go home for snacks. And since they are opening doors in my house - no indoor play

It is unfortunate when suburban (or any) kids go feral because of uninvolved Moms and lack of socialization by their parents in their homes. But it is OK to admit when you do not have the skills or resources to raise OPK in lieu of what they lack at home 

Quoting UpSheRises:

We have a neighbor kid who is over all the time. He's invited to share our meal/snack, go home a get something and bring it back, just go home, or just sit at the table with us.

There are only 3 of us and our budget is tight but not so tight that we can't spare a handful of grapes or a hot dog. I think we all fare better if we're generous to each other, children included.



CafeMom Tickers

Mommy_of_Riley
by Jes on Dec. 4, 2012 at 12:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I guess I just grew up where we all went to our neighbors houses and everyone had snacks and drinks and it wast a big deal... So now its no big deal to me. :-)

Quoting SuperChicken:



Quoting Mommy_of_Riley:

Why is it rude for a 4 year old to say "I'm hungry".

That is so common at that age for them to want to snack all day long...

I don't see the big deal. It's not a teenager who knows he can wait to eat at home...



Quoting SuperChicken:


It is extremely rude to ask for food in someone else's home.    They have clearly never been taught any manners.  At the same time, it would be rude of you to refuse once asked if you are able to provide the food.    And it is also rude to make someone else uncomfortable by pointing out their lack of manners.  So I would give it to them.   Pleasantly.  



I find that so many young people today have zero concept of manners or appropriate social behavior.  It's a shame.  


A four year old saying I'm hungry is not the same as opening someone's door and demanding fruit.    And the reason it would be rude for a four year old is the same reason it would be rude for a teen.     If you don't teach manners to four years olds (and younger), you're never going to teach them to a teen.   Manners should be something a person isn't even aware of using they are so ingrained by the time they are an adult.  If you have to "think" about your manners, you're not really comfortable.     


That doesn't mean that it's not understandable that a four year old would "slip" on occasion, but repeated times is not "slipping."      His/her parents should be consistent in teaching, so their cute four year old doesn't become a rude and unwelcome teen.   


But, as I said, I would still give the child the food and do it nicely.    It is worse to point out someone else's bad manners than it is to have bad manners in the first place. 

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