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To those who hate on people who get public assistance

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 Why do you want to treat the poor like petrified dog shit? Have you ever even used food stamps? Do you even know how damn humiliating it is to know you can't support yourself and your child and have to depend on others to survive?

I was a single parent (and before you go off saying it was my choice- I was date raped and decided to keep my baby- I can admit that after 20 years now) and after serving in the Army, I worked 40-50 hours a week at a retail job. It paid so little that I qualified for subsidized daycare, food stamps and a medical card for my daughter. I wasn't a lazy good for nothing, I worked my ass off. In fact, I walked 30 blocks to drop her off at day care no matter what the weather was- rain, blizzard, then walked 30 blocks back down the street to get on the bus and then did the same thing after work. Sure, I would have been easier to just sit on my ass and collect cash assistance as well, but I didn't- because I have work ethic as do many poor people.

You have no damn idea how much having to take government help made me feel like a failure as a human being and a mother. There were many times I was glared at, called 'lazy bitch' and made to feel like crap while paying for my food with foodstamps- and this was when they were actual paper, not a card so there was no hiding the fact I was using them.

This one time, I was paying for my groceries and included were a cake mix, frosting and ice cream to make a cake for my daughters birthday (she was right there with me) when this old lady behind me told me- VERY loudly that I should be a contributing member of society, stop be so lazy, get a job and stop 'mooching off her tax dollars' and she then told me I had no right buying what I was because it wasn't 'real food'. I stood there crying, my daughter clinging to me looking up at me afraid, and even the cashier was looking at me like she felt sorry for me.

I had to stand in the cold and wait for a cab with my daughter asking me questions, both of us crying and me feeling even more humiliated then ever before.

Until you have been in my shoes, you have damn right to place asinine rules about what poor people HAVE to buy with your precious tax dollars because you have some superiority complex. What you should be feeling is warmth knowing you're helping out human being who are less fortunate in life than you are. Believe it or not, poor people understand that junk food is unhealthy but they too deserve a treat once in a while to give them some happiness. 

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:13 AM
Replies (141-150):
viv212
by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this
I can't believe anything in your first paragraph. Sounds like you don't know how it works, never been on cash aid, and are nosey. Watching them get out of the car, seeing what they are buying, seeing how they pay for their food and hearing their conversations.

Quoting JoyfulinSD:

The reason why is, I have seen people on food stamps (a debit card here in our state) pull up in an Escalade, walk into the store, get t-bones and lobster tails for a party and pay with the card.  Then hear them bragging on their cell phones on the way out that they still have to spend the rest of their $200 left on the card for this month or it just goes back to the state.  I have had others offer to buy my food and charge me half of the receipt price if I give them cash.  I seen some saying on Facebook that they are looking for another freezer because they don't have enough room left for the food they are getting this month.  I would have no issues with food stamps if they would treat it like WIC.  Only certain brands, fresh meat as long as it's not top cut like prime rib, t bones, porterhouse, etc...  If the program was used the way it was ment to (like the way you discribe) no problem.


The thing that makes me angry is I seen a 78 year old widowed lady putting back 3 cans of potted meat because she didn't have the extra $1.00.  She had tears in her eyes, I asked her if everything was ok and she said she didn't have enough for the meat.  She went tot the check out and left.  I seen her walking In below zero temperatures, I pulled over and picked her up and gave her a ride.  On the ride, we talked and she explained that she didn't want to take food stamps not because of pride but because she didn't want to take food away from mothers and babies that need it.  when I dropped her off, I offered her some cash to help her out, even said she could pay me back if she would like so it wouldn't be charity or a gift,  She refused, thanked me for the ride then went into what was a step below a shack for a house.


Yes, I am a Democrat, I do support Aid to those in need but I think we are in need of an overhaul of the system.  I think it's crap that someone can get caught committing welfare fraud and still get it the following month.  It's not right that a parent paying child support to the other parent can be put in a poverty level but gross too much to get state aid.  My gma used to say "one bad apple will spoil the whole bunch."  It seems to me that she was right.  The actions of a few, make the program look bad as a whole.

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Bookwormy
by Platinum Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 1:37 PM
I misunderstood your reply, obviously!

For the record, I work FT too. However, I've been very sick with a flu like virus since Monday PM. I was tested for flu, however, & it isn't that. So I've been home for days with raging fever, aches & pain, sweats & chills, etc, & CM for entertainment.

I disagree that IHartU was judgemental, but OK. Clearly I'm not able to think thru these debates right now. Back to sleep for me.


Quoting LilyofPhilly:

The "us" that she's making generalizations about, the people who think FS should work like WIC to ensure that children's basic nutritional needs are met first.

And I didn't know I needed to make daily appearances here to have an opinion. I do have a full time job y'know.




Quoting Bookwormy:

I'm quite active in this group. I didn't just come on in. What "us"? Just you, unless you have DID (dissociative identity disorder)! I was supporting IhartU, whom I called only you out for judging. I know you've been on CM awhile, but haven't seen you in this group much.






Quoting LilyofPhilly:

The irony! She's the one coming in here judging us!







Quoting Bookwormy:

Seems you could use some permanent humility. What's wrong with you? Judge much? Actually this is well beyond judgement.










Quoting LilyofPhilly:

You haven't changed my mind one bit. I'm sure you could have come up with $3 for cake mix and frosting on your own. You should be happy you got any help at all. You made the choice to continue your pregnancy. You made the choice to keep your baby. Seems to me that the temporary humiliation that you suffered made you a stronger person.



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JoyfulinSD
by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:40 PM

I do know how it works, I also remember when they used to give out the paper dollars and plastic coins instead of a debit card.  The city I live in is about 24,000 people.  we have 2 stores here and yes, everyone knows everyone's business.  You can see the cars in the parking lot because they are right in front of the store windows.  There are 5 checkout counters in the store and I can hear people talking on their cell phones.  It's amazing when people are talking loud that they are surprised that others around them can hear them.  if you would like, I can even tell you the guy's name because I went to  school since 3rd grade with the prick.  I'll give you nosey though.

Quoting viv212:

I can't believe anything in your first paragraph. Sounds like you don't know how it works, never been on cash aid, and are nosey. Watching them get out of the car, seeing what they are buying, seeing how they pay for their food and hearing their conversations.

Quoting JoyfulinSD:

The reason why is, I have seen people on food stamps (a debit card here in our state) pull up in an Escalade, walk into the store, get t-bones and lobster tails for a party and pay with the card.  Then hear them bragging on their cell phones on the way out that they still have to spend the rest of their $200 left on the card for this month or it just goes back to the state.  I have had others offer to buy my food and charge me half of the receipt price if I give them cash.  I seen some saying on Facebook that they are looking for another freezer because they don't have enough room left for the food they are getting this month.  I would have no issues with food stamps if they would treat it like WIC.  Only certain brands, fresh meat as long as it's not top cut like prime rib, t bones, porterhouse, etc...  If the program was used the way it was ment to (like the way you discribe) no problem.


The thing that makes me angry is I seen a 78 year old widowed lady putting back 3 cans of potted meat because she didn't have the extra $1.00.  She had tears in her eyes, I asked her if everything was ok and she said she didn't have enough for the meat.  She went tot the check out and left.  I seen her walking In below zero temperatures, I pulled over and picked her up and gave her a ride.  On the ride, we talked and she explained that she didn't want to take food stamps not because of pride but because she didn't want to take food away from mothers and babies that need it.  when I dropped her off, I offered her some cash to help her out, even said she could pay me back if she would like so it wouldn't be charity or a gift,  She refused, thanked me for the ride then went into what was a step below a shack for a house.


Yes, I am a Democrat, I do support Aid to those in need but I think we are in need of an overhaul of the system.  I think it's crap that someone can get caught committing welfare fraud and still get it the following month.  It's not right that a parent paying child support to the other parent can be put in a poverty level but gross too much to get state aid.  My gma used to say "one bad apple will spoil the whole bunch."  It seems to me that she was right.  The actions of a few, make the program look bad as a whole.


mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 3:24 PM

Holy shit there's a beating heart in that chest of yours! Hurray!!! 

Quoting Billiejeens:

I dunno, but it would seem to me, that this is exactly the type of situation that the safety net was constructed for.

Nephew gets to stay with family - Win!

Less expensive (and better) than putting him into the system - Win.

Quoting TugBoatMama:

 My mil is on food stamps for the first time in her life because she has been given full custody of my nephew and her income can't cover the full cost of having him. But his mother is a drug addict/prostitute and cannot care for him anymore so he has nowhere to go except with my mil. Reading some of the dumb bullshit on here from people who have never been poor is downright laugable, and I think they do it because it makes them feel self- satisfied. Sad really.


queenanne
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 3:46 PM

 hahaha...I was thinking the same thing.

stalker much?

Quoting viv212:

I can't believe anything in your first paragraph. Sounds like you don't know how it works, never been on cash aid, and are nosey. Watching them get out of the car, seeing what they are buying, seeing how they pay for their food and hearing their conversations.

Quoting JoyfulinSD:

The reason why is, I have seen people on food stamps (a debit card here in our state) pull up in an Escalade, walk into the store, get t-bones and lobster tails for a party and pay with the card.  Then hear them bragging on their cell phones on the way out that they still have to spend the rest of their $200 left on the card for this month or it just goes back to the state.  I have had others offer to buy my food and charge me half of the receipt price if I give them cash.  I seen some saying on Facebook that they are looking for another freezer because they don't have enough room left for the food they are getting this month.  I would have no issues with food stamps if they would treat it like WIC.  Only certain brands, fresh meat as long as it's not top cut like prime rib, t bones, porterhouse, etc...  If the program was used the way it was ment to (like the way you discribe) no problem.


The thing that makes me angry is I seen a 78 year old widowed lady putting back 3 cans of potted meat because she didn't have the extra $1.00.  She had tears in her eyes, I asked her if everything was ok and she said she didn't have enough for the meat.  She went tot the check out and left.  I seen her walking In below zero temperatures, I pulled over and picked her up and gave her a ride.  On the ride, we talked and she explained that she didn't want to take food stamps not because of pride but because she didn't want to take food away from mothers and babies that need it.  when I dropped her off, I offered her some cash to help her out, even said she could pay me back if she would like so it wouldn't be charity or a gift,  She refused, thanked me for the ride then went into what was a step below a shack for a house.


Yes, I am a Democrat, I do support Aid to those in need but I think we are in need of an overhaul of the system.  I think it's crap that someone can get caught committing welfare fraud and still get it the following month.  It's not right that a parent paying child support to the other parent can be put in a poverty level but gross too much to get state aid.  My gma used to say "one bad apple will spoil the whole bunch."  It seems to me that she was right.  The actions of a few, make the program look bad as a whole.

 

free1
by ~FreeSpirit~ on Dec. 6, 2012 at 3:55 PM

 People who judge others should put themselves in the other person's shoes.  I think empathy and compassion is much needed in the (seemingly) unkind/uncaring world in which we live. MO 

Claire-Huxtable
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Somehow that only applies in one direction.


Quoting free1:

 People who judge others should put themselves in the other person's shoes.  I think empathy and compassion is much needed in the (seemingly) unkind/uncaring world in which we live. MO 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
free1
by ~FreeSpirit~ on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:27 PM

 

Quoting Claire-Huxtable:

Somehow that only applies in one direction.


Quoting free1:

 People who judge others should put themselves in the other person's shoes.  I think empathy and compassion is much needed in the (seemingly) unkind/uncaring world in which we live. MO 


 Meaning?

viv212
by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:28 PM
Fugly attitude. Doesn't make you pretty at all.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 Everyone has a sob story, that doesn't change the fact that food stamps are for survival not parties. 


Quoting makelineerror:

A few years ago, there was a letter written in to Dear Abby. The person was upset because the woman in front of her was buying a $13 cake on food stamps.

Some time later, the letter was republished along with several responses to it. One of those was the woman who bought the cake. She wrote that the cake was for her daughter who was turning six. The little girl had bone cancer and wasn't expected to live another year, so the family was celebrating what was likely to be her last birthday. I don't know about you, but if I were in her situation, I would go all the fuck out for that party. It would be worth EVERYTHING to have one day of laughter and celebration among who knows how many days of misery and pain.


And before someone says "they should have used cash", do you really think they had a lot of extra money lying around? Chances are, one parent had to quit their job to care for the little girl and because of that, they had to go on food stamps. But that was their choice, right?



Quoting Dzyre1115:


 Your circumstances don't change the fact that soda and candy are non-necessities and should not be covered by food stamps!



 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sneffy014
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:28 PM


Quoting celticwych:

 FANTASTIC :).  You wouldnt say "anything" to someone in a grocery store (face to face) but you will hide behind your computer and say it in a public forum. Ohhhhh goody that makes it better :).  Oh, and your saying that "the women was rude, BUT......the OP should suck it up because when you get foodstamps.......you should "look at the big picture and be thankful that the women only disrespected her.  It could of been worse right? 

 I think many many of us have faced tough times.  I know I have.  I even had to get foodstamps once upon a time in a land far away.   Its been many many years sense those days and I havent forgotten them.  Would I deny my child a $4.00 birthday cake and frosting cuz someone else thinks they have the right to decide what I buy and what I dont buy with foodstamps that are in my name?  That would be a NO.  Not only is none of your business or anyone elses........this women works and pays taxes. She has basically paid for her foodstamps and the cake.  You are not talking about an adult who chooses to be a drug addict or a person taking advantage of the system.  Even if you were I still would say "let them eat cake" on there birthday :).

Quoting sneffy014:

 

Quoting celticwych:

 So your saying "suck it up and get over feeling  the way you do because everyone has there own story"? REALLY?   Your pick and choose compassion for others is amazing.  The bottom line is the disrespect she endured from a stranger.  Apparently she isnt poor enough to earn respect.  IF she was overweight and someone said this same thing to her even though she paid cash......would you feel the same way?   I love it when people say "I dont begrudge" then they put there own little spin on not begrudging.  

Quoting sneffy014:

I really don't like to judge and I agree with the part about being in your shoes. The only thing I will say is PA of any kind was never meant to be a long term solution. It was designed to help people get back on their feet during tough times. I would speculate that many people don't know what living in extreme poverty means. Heck, I am NOT on food stamps and although money is very tight for me, I have never been truly poor where I have to decide between cake and actual nutritious food. The fact that your daughter may not be able to enjoy cake while on food stamps may be depressing to you, but there are truly people out there who have NO FOOD at all. There are homeless people still living in the United States and people who can't afford electricity or clothing. A piece of bread and glass of milk would be a delicacy to them. It's all about perspective. I don't begrudge anyone cake or sweets, even those on food stamps. Everyone has their own story. But if you are lucky enough to have a roof over your head, clothing on your back and enough food stamps to buy the basics and keep your family from starving until things get better for you, then I would count your blessings. Look around, there is always someone much worse off than you.

 

Nowhere did I say she wasn't entitled to respect or to her feelings. I wouldn't say anything to someone I saw in a grocery line but she posted it on a public forum so I am replying in MY honest opinion. It's about perspective. There have been times in my life where I can't afford extras and sometimes just barely get by. We have never applied for foodstamps but I am sure there have been times when I could have used them. We wouldn't qualify though.  But, after I am done feeling depressed, I try to look at the bigger picture. I have a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes on my back. So, I would say I am in pretty good shape. The woman in the store was rude. But, when you have a fixed budget for food, you have to make choices. The best gift you can give a child is love and affection as well as a roof over their head and food in their belly. While it is nice to be able to have "extra" for a cake or sweets. Happiness should not depend on it.

 

Clearly you did not read what I wrote. The woman in the store shouldn't have been rude....period. Nobody should be made to feel ashamed to need assistance. Food Stamps and other forms of assistance are supposed to be TEMPORARY. If you have to make a small sacrifice of cake temporarily so your NEEDS can be covered than so be it. I don't feel "cake" is a necessity and should be bought with food stamps. Better to buy flour, sugar and eggs that can me made into multiple items. There have been many times I have had to seriously budget my money and make it go far. I couldn't buy snacks or cake because I had to make do with the money I had. Sure it sucked but hey, sometimes life sucks. I couldn't go over my budget because I didn't HAVE a penny more to spend. I have had to put back groceries because I miscalculated and went over and didn't have any more cash on hand and I don't qualify for Food Stamps or any other type of assistance..I had to make a choice based on our NEEDS. In our twenty years of marriage, my husband and I have had our share of ups and downs. There have been years where we couldn't even afford to exchange a card. There have been times I have had to tell my daughter "no" we couldn't have something right now because we couldn't afford it. How about putting twenty five cents away from a few paychecks so you can indulge in that extra treat if it's that important? The bigger lesson here that you are overlooking is there is a HUGE difference between WANTS and NEEDS.

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