Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

To those who hate on people who get public assistance

Posted by   + Show Post

 Why do you want to treat the poor like petrified dog shit? Have you ever even used food stamps? Do you even know how damn humiliating it is to know you can't support yourself and your child and have to depend on others to survive?

I was a single parent (and before you go off saying it was my choice- I was date raped and decided to keep my baby- I can admit that after 20 years now) and after serving in the Army, I worked 40-50 hours a week at a retail job. It paid so little that I qualified for subsidized daycare, food stamps and a medical card for my daughter. I wasn't a lazy good for nothing, I worked my ass off. In fact, I walked 30 blocks to drop her off at day care no matter what the weather was- rain, blizzard, then walked 30 blocks back down the street to get on the bus and then did the same thing after work. Sure, I would have been easier to just sit on my ass and collect cash assistance as well, but I didn't- because I have work ethic as do many poor people.

You have no damn idea how much having to take government help made me feel like a failure as a human being and a mother. There were many times I was glared at, called 'lazy bitch' and made to feel like crap while paying for my food with foodstamps- and this was when they were actual paper, not a card so there was no hiding the fact I was using them.

This one time, I was paying for my groceries and included were a cake mix, frosting and ice cream to make a cake for my daughters birthday (she was right there with me) when this old lady behind me told me- VERY loudly that I should be a contributing member of society, stop be so lazy, get a job and stop 'mooching off her tax dollars' and she then told me I had no right buying what I was because it wasn't 'real food'. I stood there crying, my daughter clinging to me looking up at me afraid, and even the cashier was looking at me like she felt sorry for me.

I had to stand in the cold and wait for a cab with my daughter asking me questions, both of us crying and me feeling even more humiliated then ever before.

Until you have been in my shoes, you have damn right to place asinine rules about what poor people HAVE to buy with your precious tax dollars because you have some superiority complex. What you should be feeling is warmth knowing you're helping out human being who are less fortunate in life than you are. Believe it or not, poor people understand that junk food is unhealthy but they too deserve a treat once in a while to give them some happiness. 

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:13 AM
Replies (151-160):
NWP
by guerrilla girl on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Your story still has too many holes. Having worked in the system as an eligibility specialist, I can tell you that the car alone would be too much to qualify them for FS and in a town that small, they would not be able to get away with it. I have never met a more nosey or "I'll get you if you lie to me" bunch than those who work in the welfare eligibility office. I know because I worked there for a few years after college. And in little towns, everyone knows everyone's business. Those folks would be turned over to the fraud unit faster than you could turn your head to watch them go out the store.

I call this BS.

Quoting JoyfulinSD:

I do know how it works, I also remember when they used to give out the paper dollars and plastic coins instead of a debit card.  The city I live in is about 24,000 people.  we have 2 stores here and yes, everyone knows everyone's business.  You can see the cars in the parking lot because they are right in front of the store windows.  There are 5 checkout counters in the store and I can hear people talking on their cell phones.  It's amazing when people are talking loud that they are surprised that others around them can hear them.  if you would like, I can even tell you the guy's name because I went to  school since 3rd grade with the prick.  I'll give you nosey though.

Quoting viv212:

I can't believe anything in your first paragraph. Sounds like you don't know how it works, never been on cash aid, and are nosey. Watching them get out of the car, seeing what they are buying, seeing how they pay for their food and hearing their conversations.

Quoting JoyfulinSD:

The reason why is, I have seen people on food stamps (a debit card here in our state) pull up in an Escalade, walk into the store, get t-bones and lobster tails for a party and pay with the card.  Then hear them bragging on their cell phones on the way out that they still have to spend the rest of their $200 left on the card for this month or it just goes back to the state.  I have had others offer to buy my food and charge me half of the receipt price if I give them cash.  I seen some saying on Facebook that they are looking for another freezer because they don't have enough room left for the food they are getting this month.  I would have no issues with food stamps if they would treat it like WIC.  Only certain brands, fresh meat as long as it's not top cut like prime rib, t bones, porterhouse, etc...  If the program was used the way it was ment to (like the way you discribe) no problem.


The thing that makes me angry is I seen a 78 year old widowed lady putting back 3 cans of potted meat because she didn't have the extra $1.00.  She had tears in her eyes, I asked her if everything was ok and she said she didn't have enough for the meat.  She went tot the check out and left.  I seen her walking In below zero temperatures, I pulled over and picked her up and gave her a ride.  On the ride, we talked and she explained that she didn't want to take food stamps not because of pride but because she didn't want to take food away from mothers and babies that need it.  when I dropped her off, I offered her some cash to help her out, even said she could pay me back if she would like so it wouldn't be charity or a gift,  She refused, thanked me for the ride then went into what was a step below a shack for a house.


Yes, I am a Democrat, I do support Aid to those in need but I think we are in need of an overhaul of the system.  I think it's crap that someone can get caught committing welfare fraud and still get it the following month.  It's not right that a parent paying child support to the other parent can be put in a poverty level but gross too much to get state aid.  My gma used to say "one bad apple will spoil the whole bunch."  It seems to me that she was right.  The actions of a few, make the program look bad as a whole.



New World Peace

Claire-Huxtable
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe people should stop thinking everyone who wants FS reform is a selfish greedy asshole and stop saying they are entitled to treats even though they can't afford them.

Maybe think about the people who actually do pay the taxes that support this and not buy crap that isn't nutritious and not say you deserve this because it is not fair you or your kids don't get the same thing as others.

Quoting free1:

 

Quoting Claire-Huxtable:

Somehow that only applies in one direction.


Quoting free1:

 People who judge others should put themselves in the other person's shoes.  I think empathy and compassion is much needed in the (seemingly) unkind/uncaring world in which we live. MO 


 Meaning?


free1
by ~FreeSpirit~ on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:02 PM

 

Quoting Claire-Huxtable:

Maybe people should stop thinking everyone who wants FS reform is a selfish greedy asshole and stop saying they are entitled to treats even though they can't afford them. (If that is what you think- I didn't say this was my opinion).

Maybe think about the people who actually do pay the taxes that support this and not buy crap that isn't nutritious and not say you deserve this because it is not fair you or your kids don't get the same thing as others. 

 I hear you - I, too think it's good to eat good and nutritious meals when necessary -  But on the other hand I don't think it's any of my business what other people buy with their FS. 

 

 Quoting free1:

Quoting Claire-Huxtable:

Somehow that only applies in one direction.


Quoting free1:

(The)People who judge others should put themselves in the other person's shoes.  I think empathy and compassion is much needed in the (seemingly) unkind/uncaring world in which we live. MO 


 Meaning?

 

 I was referring to people who judge others (harshly).   I still think people should put themselves in the other person's shoes.  Who knows tomorrow it could me or you (who needs help) right?  

Billiejeens
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:26 PM

Disagree with that completely.

Quoting viv212:

Fugly attitude. Doesn't make you pretty at all.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 Everyone has a sob story, that doesn't change the fact that food stamps are for survival not parties. 


Quoting makelineerror:

A few years ago, there was a letter written in to Dear Abby. The person was upset because the woman in front of her was buying a $13 cake on food stamps.

Some time later, the letter was republished along with several responses to it. One of those was the woman who bought the cake. She wrote that the cake was for her daughter who was turning six. The little girl had bone cancer and wasn't expected to live another year, so the family was celebrating what was likely to be her last birthday. I don't know about you, but if I were in her situation, I would go all the fuck out for that party. It would be worth EVERYTHING to have one day of laughter and celebration among who knows how many days of misery and pain.


And before someone says "they should have used cash", do you really think they had a lot of extra money lying around? Chances are, one parent had to quit their job to care for the little girl and because of that, they had to go on food stamps. But that was their choice, right?



Quoting Dzyre1115:


 Your circumstances don't change the fact that soda and candy are non-necessities and should not be covered by food stamps!



 


Billiejeens
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Always has been.  sunglasses mini

Quoting mehamil1:

Holy shit there's a beating heart in that chest of yours! Hurray!!! 

Quoting Billiejeens:

I dunno, but it would seem to me, that this is exactly the type of situation that the safety net was constructed for.

Nephew gets to stay with family - Win!

Less expensive (and better) than putting him into the system - Win.

Quoting TugBoatMama:

 My mil is on food stamps for the first time in her life because she has been given full custody of my nephew and her income can't cover the full cost of having him. But his mother is a drug addict/prostitute and cannot care for him anymore so he has nowhere to go except with my mil. Reading some of the dumb bullshit on here from people who have never been poor is downright laugable, and I think they do it because it makes them feel self- satisfied. Sad really.

 


mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I find that this is too often the case. People go off of stereotypes rather than actual personal experience. 

I, however, do know a lady who gets her food from food stamp money and drives an escolade. It's her fathers car and he lets her use it to go grocery shopping so she doesn't have to walk/take the bus with all the bags of groceries. And that simple act of kindness brings her hell from asshole strangers who can't keep their shit together. 

Quoting NWP:

Your story still has too many holes. Having worked in the system as an eligibility specialist, I can tell you that the car alone would be too much to qualify them for FS and in a town that small, they would not be able to get away with it. I have never met a more nosey or "I'll get you if you lie to me" bunch than those who work in the welfare eligibility office. I know because I worked there for a few years after college. And in little towns, everyone knows everyone's business. Those folks would be turned over to the fraud unit faster than you could turn your head to watch them go out the store.

I call this BS.


LilyofPhilly
by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:07 PM
Ill thank you for not putting words on my mouth that I didn't say. I said her story fir not change my mind. I feel bad for her that she got taped and that the lady gave her a hard time. I can feel sorry for her, but it doesn't change my opinion that FS should cover needs not extras.

Quoting MsDenuninani:



Quoting LilyofPhilly:

Who's vilifying her? She gave her opinion and I gave mine. No one can humiliate you without your permission. If she truly felt that she wasn't doing anything wrong, then why should some stranger in a grocery store have bothered her? Obviously, she is a prideful person that rose above her circumstances.
I might add that if we'd all fight for fair labor practices, we wouldn't have people being put in these humiliating situations.



 


 If she truly felt that she wasn't doing anything wrong, then why should some stranger in a grocery store have bothered her?


With all do respect, that's a bunch of hooey.  The fact that she survived the humiliation does not make it okay for someone to humiliate her.  This is one of those classic "no one can make you feel bad about yourself" arguments, which while is technically true, it does not mean that the woman in the store did not do anything wrong.


The OP told a story, meant to inform others of what it is actually like to be in her shoes.  Your "I don't feel bad for you comment" (which you made initially) was made because you think people on food stamps deserve to be treated that way.  In other words, you think that she deserves humiliation, and you are now suggesting the fact that she felt humiliation is proof that she does.


Again, what a bunch of hogwash.  I fervently hope you do not actively believe that if you feel bad, you deserve to feel bad, but if you are, I do hope that you never, ever have a bad day or are ever kicked while you are down. 


(Actually, I hope that anyway, for everyone.  Those days suck.) 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Dzyre1115
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:09 PM

 The harsh truth is rarely pretty!

Quoting viv212:

Fugly attitude. Doesn't make you pretty at all.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 Everyone has a sob story, that doesn't change the fact that food stamps are for survival not parties. 


Quoting makelineerror:

A few years ago, there was a letter written in to Dear Abby. The person was upset because the woman in front of her was buying a $13 cake on food stamps.

Some time later, the letter was republished along with several responses to it. One of those was the woman who bought the cake. She wrote that the cake was for her daughter who was turning six. The little girl had bone cancer and wasn't expected to live another year, so the family was celebrating what was likely to be her last birthday. I don't know about you, but if I were in her situation, I would go all the fuck out for that party. It would be worth EVERYTHING to have one day of laughter and celebration among who knows how many days of misery and pain.


And before someone says "they should have used cash", do you really think they had a lot of extra money lying around? Chances are, one parent had to quit their job to care for the little girl and because of that, they had to go on food stamps. But that was their choice, right?



Quoting Dzyre1115:


 Your circumstances don't change the fact that soda and candy are non-necessities and should not be covered by food stamps!



 

 

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:09 PM
1 mom liked this

That is sad, but true. Folks in a tiny town would mostly know that though. And in a little town, I can just about guarantee that her eligibility specialist probably checked into it. Those folks are NOSEY and all up in folks' business.

The requirement that you could not own a car of any value and still get food stamps was created solely because of this stereotype.

I cannot tell you how many engineers came into our office when Texas Instruments was laying off folks back in the 90's who were shocked and angry that they couldn't get food stamps because they owned newer cars.

Quoting mehamil1:

I find that this is too often the case. People go off of stereotypes rather than actual personal experience. 

I, however, do know a lady who gets her food from food stamp money and drives an escolade. It's her fathers car and he lets her use it to go grocery shopping so she doesn't have to walk/take the bus with all the bags of groceries. And that simple act of kindness brings her hell from asshole strangers who can't keep their shit together. 

Quoting NWP:

Your story still has too many holes. Having worked in the system as an eligibility specialist, I can tell you that the car alone would be too much to qualify them for FS and in a town that small, they would not be able to get away with it. I have never met a more nosey or "I'll get you if you lie to me" bunch than those who work in the welfare eligibility office. I know because I worked there for a few years after college. And in little towns, everyone knows everyone's business. Those folks would be turned over to the fraud unit faster than you could turn your head to watch them go out the store.

I call this BS.



New World Peace

eema.gray
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:16 PM

You KNOW someone is going to ask why her father doesn't just help her with money for groceries.  Since he drives an Escalade and all.   I on the other hand, would accept the offer of a car a few times a month but I would never ever ask my parents for money.  Nope, not ging to happen.

Quoting mehamil1:

I find that this is too often the case. People go off of stereotypes rather than actual personal experience. 

I, however, do know a lady who gets her food from food stamp money and drives an escolade. It's her fathers car and he lets her use it to go grocery shopping so she doesn't have to walk/take the bus with all the bags of groceries. And that simple act of kindness brings her hell from asshole strangers who can't keep their shit together. 

Quoting NWP:

Your story still has too many holes. Having worked in the system as an eligibility specialist, I can tell you that the car alone would be too much to qualify them for FS and in a town that small, they would not be able to get away with it. I have never met a more nosey or "I'll get you if you lie to me" bunch than those who work in the welfare eligibility office. I know because I worked there for a few years after college. And in little towns, everyone knows everyone's business. Those folks would be turned over to the fraud unit faster than you could turn your head to watch them go out the store.

I call this BS.



"I am only one, but I am still one; I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." ~~ Edward Everett Hale 1822-1909
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured