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“Why Is It O.K. To Have a Child with Someone You Know Won’t Stick Around?”

Posted by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:46 PM
  • 217 Replies

This question comes from a blogger whom I greatly admire and respect.  However, her audience is black women so I will not post her entire article here, since I am not trying to ask this question of any one race.

For anyone interested, the article can be read here:

http://familyscholars.org/2012/06/22/why-is-it-o-k-to-have-a-child-with-someone-you-know-wont-stick-around/comment-page-1/#comment-130508


by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Peanutx3
by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:48 PM
5 moms liked this
Sigh
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sweet-a-kins
by Emerald Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:48 PM
3 moms liked this
You are obsessed with single moms and black people

Futur-rad
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
futureshock
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:48 PM
2 moms liked this

Here is an excerpt:

[T]he real question shouldn’t be why [people don't] value marriage, but why the some folks think it’s okay to make a child without ensuring that the other parent stick around.

lga1965
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:53 PM
7 moms liked this

 Yeah...its NOT okay to have a child with someone you know won't stick around. Why would you even have sex with an unreliable guy? well, you don't.

Here's what you do: You date a guy, you wait  to get more involved ( have sex) until you know he is a good guy who is reliable. THEN,when you both want to get married... you get married.. You get married and you wait until you can tell the marriage is solid and that he wants a baby. THEN you have a child. Simple. Easy peasy. 

This can apply to everyone---white,black,yellow,red.....get the idea here? Its just a matter of being smart.

cueballsmom
by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:55 PM
maybe the "other" is a pos with qualities we would like in a child? idk.
turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:56 PM
9 moms liked this

 Its a stupid question IMO...when a woman falls pregnant with a man when they are in a relationship they dont "think" they are going to be left high and dry.  Being married isnt going to change that. 

In lower economical communities the ability to rely on family is huge....having a baby isnt hard when you know you have family to help out...so its easier to wave bye bye to a relationship.  On the other hand its easier for a man to leave knowing they are going to be alright.  Marriage doesnt change that community dynamic.  JMO

JCB911
by Bronze Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:01 PM
4 moms liked this

It's ok b/c we aren't supposed to judge anyone, or any choice anyone makes. It's ok b/c we should all walk around with blinders on to the way choices affect others.  It's ok b/c denying a child a father, or giving them a crappy one, is better than judging someone. It's ok b/c everything is ok in this country - even though those of us who make wiser choices often pay for those who make stupid choices - but we shouldn't complain, b/c complaining about paying for others' choices and judging their choices are horrible - making poor choices is just fine though.

That's why it's ok - b/c as long as you aren't judging someone else's choices everything else is ok.

lga1965
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:17 PM
4 moms liked this

 Yeah...why do so many women "settle" and not even worry about anything and just hope they will manage and let the village take care of the kids because then the guys can leave and think everything will be okay because then OTHER people will take over for his responsibilities? Arghhhhh ! ? And we are supposed to agree with them?  No way.

I am no longer "politically correct".I say what I feel. I'm not going to just give up and say"You know what's best" because most don't know what is best anymore. It is wrong to have no family unit,no united front, no faithful marriages,its not the way to bring kids into the world! Its selfish.This is what is causing our country to fall apart.

stacymomof2
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:20 PM
13 moms liked this

Honestly I think you are too obsessed with this issue.  There is no one answer, no ultimate thing that can be said that would change things to be more fitting with your goal.

eviesmom453
by Bronze Member on Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe they don't think being a single parent is a death sentence?

You are obsessed!

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