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“Why Is It O.K. To Have a Child with Someone You Know Won’t Stick Around?”

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This question comes from a blogger whom I greatly admire and respect.  However, her audience is black women so I will not post her entire article here, since I am not trying to ask this question of any one race.

For anyone interested, the article can be read here:

http://familyscholars.org/2012/06/22/why-is-it-o-k-to-have-a-child-with-someone-you-know-wont-stick-around/comment-page-1/#comment-130508


by on Dec. 8, 2012 at 9:46 PM
Replies (21-30):
Aivlys_
by Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:17 AM
Because, they're in Luuuuurve... Don't you know..
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stacefaceninja
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think anyone sets out to have a kid with someone they think will run off. Regardless of what anyone says, it is impossible to know what someone is always going to do. Perfectly happy married father's of four leave just as often and as heartlessly as crackhead baby daddy's. JMO

-If for any reason you feel an urge to correct my grammar, spelling, or punctuation, please suppress this urge. You are not important enough to me to spend time editing before I post.  I will just laugh at you-

momtoscott
by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I doubt very much that the majority of single moms, or single dads, thought that they were reproducing with somebody who was going to walk away.  I certainly have misjudged a lot of people over my lifetime and no know no one who hasn't.  At least not IRL, some people I know on the internet claim to have accurately planned every aspect of their lives.  Kids change relationships in unpredictable ways. 

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting JCB911:

It's ok b/c we aren't supposed to judge anyone, or any choice anyone makes. It's ok b/c we should all walk around with blinders on to the way choices affect others.  It's ok b/c denying a child a father, or giving them a crappy one, is better than judging someone. It's ok b/c everything is ok in this country - even though those of us who make wiser choices often pay for those who make stupid choices - but we shouldn't complain, b/c complaining about paying for others' choices and judging their choices are horrible - making poor choices is just fine though.

That's why it's ok - b/c as long as you aren't judging someone else's choices everything else is ok.

Exactly.

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:31 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting cueballsmom:

maybe the "other" is a pos with qualities we would like in a child? idk.

wow

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:34 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting turtle68:

 Its a stupid question IMO...when a woman falls pregnant with a man when they are in a relationship they dont "think" they are going to be left high and dry.  Being married isnt going to change that. 

In lower economical communities the ability to rely on family is huge....having a baby isnt hard when you know you have family to help out...so its easier to wave bye bye to a relationship.  On the other hand its easier for a man to leave knowing they are going to be alright.  Marriage doesnt change that community dynamic.  JMO

First of all, no one mentioned marriage.

Second of all, this is really sad because it is not true for many children:

its easier for a man to leave knowing they are going to be alright.

Maybe if we spoke more honestly about the negative consequences to many women and children abandoned by men the men would think twice about leaving.

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:36 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting lga1965:

 Yeah...why do so many women "settle" and not even worry about anything and just hope they will manage and let the village take care of the kids because then the guys can leave and think everything will be okay because then OTHER people will take over for his responsibilities? Arghhhhh ! ? And we are supposed to agree with them?  No way.

I am no longer "politically correct".I say what I feel. I'm not going to just give up and say"You know what's best" because most don't know what is best anymore. It is wrong to have no family unit,no united front, no faithful marriages,its not the way to bring kids into the world! Its selfish.This is what is causing our country to fall apart.

I am very grateful that you are a poster here because you are a member of one of the last generations who understood the importance of intact families.

PortiaRose
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Bingo! Yay!

Quoting turtle68:

 Its a stupid question IMO...when a woman falls pregnant with a man when they are in a relationship they dont "think" they are going to be left high and dry.  Being married isnt going to change that. 


In lower economical communities the ability to rely on family is huge....having a baby isnt hard when you know you have family to help out...so its easier to wave bye bye to a relationship.  On the other hand its easier for a man to leave knowing they are going to be alright.  Marriage doesnt change that community dynamic.  JMO

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futureshock
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting kailu1835:

Without reading the article, and addressing only the question in the title, I'd say that women have babies with men they know won't stick around because they don't care.  They are selfish, and want to have a baby.  They have no care for the future, and want instant gratification.

This is not pointed at any race whatsoever, and applies across the board.  Honestly, I think that it applies to any woman who purposefully has a baby out of wedlock with someone they haven't committed to.

I think this definitely is true for a segment of the population of women. 

macbudsmom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Lol where did you get that crazy idea???


Quoting JCB911:

It's ok b/c we aren't supposed to judge anyone, or any choice anyone makes. It's ok b/c we should all walk around with blinders on to the way choices affect others.  It's ok b/c denying a child a father, or giving them a crappy one, is better than judging someone. It's ok b/c everything is ok in this country - even though those of us who make wiser choices often pay for those who make stupid choices - but we shouldn't complain, b/c complaining about paying for others' choices and judging their choices are horrible - making poor choices is just fine though.

That's why it's ok - b/c as long as you aren't judging someone else's choices everything else is ok.


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