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"Because I Say So!" is enough of a reason to tell your children without any other explanation needed

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Poll

Question: "Because I say so" is enough tell your children without any other explanation needed

Options:

Agree

Disagree

Depends


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 156

View Results

Agree or Disagree?

Discuss....

Naughty Wittle Puppy

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:52 PM
Replies (21-30):
DarlaHood
by Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:20 PM

If you have a teen who does not want to accept your logic, there are alternatives to "because I said so."  You can also choose to say, "I have explained, I understand you don't agree, and I understand why you don't agree.  Now I won't discuss it further."   And don't!  I understand, believe me I do! I've raised 2 dd's, and my oldest could be relentless trying to get her way. 

I really did try to say yes to the things I could.  I would rarely give an on the spot answer.  Instead I would tell them I would think about it.  And they learned that I would.  And what I would think about was, Is there a good reason I cannot say yes or agree to what my dd wanted?  If there was, then I would go back and explain my concern, and why my answer was no.  I would let them know that if there was a way they felt they could address my concern, I would consider it again.  Sometimes there was.  Sometimes there wasn't. 

The great thing is that, as they got older, most of the time my girls anticipated my concerns before they asked me.  They began to think about their own safety and make good decisions on their own.

Quoting buttersworth:

My mother, who was my role model, disliked it when she heard other moms say the "because I said so."  To summarize her theory, if you do not tell a child why the behavior needs to stop, then the child is doomed to repeat it or some similar behavior without understanding the risk of damage or harm. She felt there should be reasons for rules, made plain to those expected to follow those, or else the child isn't learning anything (discipline) except that the adult is the blind authoritarian.

I voted "it depends" however.

While I agree with my beloved and late mother, and have generally followed suit...I found that as my oldest segues into puberty that explanations aren't really on her agenda. She readilly nags and wants to ignore my logic, as she is at an age where she feels her logic is best. So, I will explain once and if she argues the point I will tell her "because I said so." Due to this becoming more frequent, I'm about ready to not even get into explaining at all. I think at this age, explanations open doors for negotiation, and my rules aren't usually negotiable.

It depends, and I think the age and stage are good guidelines as to whether or not things need explanation.


mybabysmama35
by Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:21 PM

I voted depends because sometimes we don't have time to explain why. 

DarlaHood
by Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:22 PM

I feel that in a genuine emergency, kids sense the gravity and tension, and don't tend to ask a lot of questions. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

Unless it is an emergency or a safety issue, then I say you owe your child an explanation.  I have found that when you tell them why, they understand better why you do things the way you do and they are more likely to listen to you now and in the future.


NWP
by guerrilla girl on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:23 PM

My DD was having a tantrum over wanting a ballerina dress with unicorns, dolphins and dragons on it to wear to bed at that very moment. We have no such thing. I have never seen such a thing. I would have to create such a thing and didn't want to do that at 8pm that night.

She refused to accept the fact we owned no such thing, therefore refusing to go to bed.

I caught myself explaining to my 3 y/o the reason why she needed to stop whining and crying over things she couldn't have instead of being happy with what she did have was so that she could grow into a happy adult. And that if she didn't learn this now, she was going to be miserable her whole life wanting things she didn't have without appreciating what she does.

It was a hilarious conversation actually...full of why? Why can't I have this thing that doesn't exist?

It finally ended with "Because I said so, now go to bed"

Quoting krysstizzle:

It depends on the situation, really. My youngest is especially inquisitive and has a very particular outlook on life; I find he is more secure and comfortable when things are explained to him. 

If it's not a pressing issue, I'll explain things. In fact, I'm probably an over-explainer lol I'll start going into cultural norms and the roles they play in society sometimes (for example), and they boys will just give me this look. It's hilarious. But I'm running on the assumption that they're actually asorbing all this information :)

Of course, I have said "because I said so!" more than once. Totally valid, imo.


Naughty Wittle Puppy

Mommy_of_Riley
by Jes on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:32 PM
I say it sometimes but it's usually after I tell them to do something and they know why already...

Like "go clean your room." "WHY?" "Because I told you to!"
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lga1965
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this

 No, its not good enough. Don't we have a reason? It makes sense to give them a reason......I dunno.

GotSomeKids
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:40 PM

I tend to agree, but if they don't see it coming, then this would cause me to say "because I said so.  But, for the most part, I give them a why.

Quoting DarlaHood:

I feel that in a genuine emergency, kids sense the gravity and tension, and don't tend to ask a lot of questions. 

Quoting GotSomeKids:

Unless it is an emergency or a safety issue, then I say you owe your child an explanation.  I have found that when you tell them why, they understand better why you do things the way you do and they are more likely to listen to you now and in the future.



yourspecialkid
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:43 PM

 

Quoting jessilin0113:

I don't think answering a question, especially an honest one, is "being a friend". I think if my kids are old enough to ask, and I do encourage questions in all things, they are old enough to be told. "Because I said so" has never been sufficient for me and I wouldn't expect it to be for them. I do agree that parents are the final authority, which is why I give them one explanation, then they have to fall in line. I'm not above letting them plead their case when their older, either.


Quoting yourspecialkid:

Because I say so. 


It isn't my job to be my child's friend.


Giving an explanation often opens the door for arguement.


Little kids won't understand drawn out explanations anyway.


I was raised this way and so was my husband.  Interestingly enough...the raising created 2 adults that question/research almost everything that crosses their paths.


 

I encourage asking questions......not however when I have just said no to the latest sugar laden cereal with the toy they want............or when they want to go to a sleepover and my gut just isn't comfortable with the idea.

 

parentalrights1
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:50 PM
Kids need to know if and how something is dangerous, but otherwise they need to obey whether or not it is explained
krysstizzle
by DeepThought on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:00 PM
1 mom liked this

lol! Yup, I've had very similar conversations, sometimes even veering into the metaphysical, over something completely random. The "becuase i said so" ties it up nicely. I only felt like a failure the first couple of times I had to end with that. Now, I accept it. 

Quoting NWP:

My DD was having a tantrum over wanting a ballerina dress with unicorns, dolphins and dragons on it to wear to bed at that very moment. We have no such thing. I have never seen such a thing. I would have to create such a thing and didn't want to do that at 8pm that night.

She refused to accept the fact we owned no such thing, therefore refusing to go to bed.

I caught myself explaining to my 3 y/o the reason why she needed to stop whining and crying over things she couldn't have instead of being happy with what she did have was so that she could grow into a happy adult. And that if she didn't learn this now, she was going to be miserable her whole life wanting things she didn't have without appreciating what she does.

It was a hilarious conversation actually...full of why? Why can't I have this thing that doesn't exist?

It finally ended with "Because I said so, now go to bed"

Quoting krysstizzle:

It depends on the situation, really. My youngest is especially inquisitive and has a very particular outlook on life; I find he is more secure and comfortable when things are explained to him. 

If it's not a pressing issue, I'll explain things. In fact, I'm probably an over-explainer lol I'll start going into cultural norms and the roles they play in society sometimes (for example), and they boys will just give me this look. It's hilarious. But I'm running on the assumption that they're actually asorbing all this information :)

Of course, I have said "because I said so!" more than once. Totally valid, imo.



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