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"Because I Say So!" is enough of a reason to tell your children without any other explanation needed

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Question: "Because I say so" is enough tell your children without any other explanation needed





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Agree or Disagree?


Naughty Wittle Puppy

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:52 PM
Replies (31-40):
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:08 PM

It depends. If I tell middle DD to unload the dishwasher "Why?" is going to get her nowhere fast, she knows it is her turn. If I say do your homework, I am not giving a long explanation as to why they need to do their homework...just do it because it is homework time. Other things I will explain. We have set rules that are not to be questioned (not that it stops them all of the time) and other things that need explaining.

by Bella on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:11 PM


by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:16 PM
I usually explain, but I expect to be obeyed if I feel I have to use "because I said so."
For example, dd has a friend who I feel comfortable having over, but not always comfortable having dd go to her place because of the supervision situation...she will ask to go over with her friend right there, and I certainly won't explain that the friend's parents make me uncomfortable right in front of her.... For that matter, I only explain that I prefer she play at our house when the friend in question is not around because I dont want dd to be put in a position of hiding information from her friend either.
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by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:28 PM
i often explain but sometimes children just need to do as they are told without questioning authority.
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by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:32 PM

It depends.

I often try to make my kids aware of my words and actions so that they can learn from their mistakes and perhaps keep from repeating bad behavior. I reserve 'BECAUSE I SAID SO' for moments when I can't explain or when I wish not to explain for one reason or another. They both know that when mom says that the poop is about to hit the fan.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:40 PM
Out of respect for my kids, and because I want them to learn to make decisions for themselves, I usually give them an explanation for my decisions. I also want my kids to respect authority, but not follow blindly, so if they are curious about my reasoning, they should ask. They should also learn that sometimes an explanation has to wait until later and they should trust that I'm making a decision for a good reason.
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by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:42 PM

Sometimes it is. Usually I don't say it unless I have explained it several times and they still want to argue, or keep asking "Why?"

by Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:57 PM

Giving an explanation doesn't have to open the door for argument.  You can be very clear about your explanation, and then say the subject is closed, and you won't discuss it further.  And a response isn't necessarily an argument either.

If I say, No, I don't feel comfortable with you driving with Johnny to the beach.  I don't feel he is a safe driver, and I'm not comfortable with that.  And my dd says, O.K., but would you consider it if Molly drove her mom's van, and me and Dana, and Veronica rode with her?

Maybe I would feel o.k. about that.

Ultimately, I wanted to teach my children to think about their health, safety, and well-being, so I wanted to explain so that they understood and learned my thought process.  And as long as they were respectful and actually addressed my concerns, I would re-consider.  It didn't always change my decision, but I wasn't set in just never changing my decision.  If they showed good judgment in creating a solution, I was happy about that. 

And little kids don't require long drawn out explanations, but they often are capable of understanding more than we give them credit for.  They learn things about reasoning, logic, and the world by understanding our decision-making processes. 

And while I did explain for my girls, both of them as adults now would tell you that I never tried to be their "friend."  I was always their mother, and I expected quite a lot from them.  Sometimes I would hear, "why can't you be like so-and-so's mom.  They're like best friends."  And I would say, "because it's not my job to be your friend.  You have enough friends.  You only have one mother."

But being a good mother, having expectations and standards, and commanding respect does not preclude explaining why you might have made a certain decision. 

Quoting yourspecialkid:

Because I say so. 

It isn't my job to be my child's friend.

Giving an explanation often opens the door for arguement.

Little kids won't understand drawn out explanations anyway.

I was raised this way and so was my husband.  Interestingly enough...the raising created 2 adults that question/research almost everything that crosses their paths.

by Kelly on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:47 PM

When my kids ask why after being told to do something or not to do something, I say "Do you need me to repeat that for you."  Pretty much the same idea.  :)  That stops the conversation pretty quick.

by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:57 PM

I think most parents explain when appropriate.  When it's just whining because they aren't getting what the want then I say because I am the mom and I said so.

Real conversation today with my 7yo:

Me:Time for cleaning your room!

Her: (Whining) But why!

Me: Because it's so cluttered you can't even walk in there.

Her: Why do I always have to clean my room

Me: Because you aren't careful about putting your stuff away when you are done with it.

Her: But why do I have to do it now?

Me: Because I said so!

it actually went on much longer than that, lol

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