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I've about had all one person can take.....long...sorry...venting and asking a question! :)

Posted by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:06 AM
  • 15 Replies

Ok I am 33 years old....3 kids...happily married sahm for about 9 years....married for 12..nice home.....and my mother is driving me to the looney bin!

I am only posting to see if I am wrong or she is....

She is what you might call overprotective, worrier, OCD possibly.  I have always let her have to much control over my life...its easier than fighting her I guess.

But lately...its just been hell trying to deal with it. 

Two nights ago...she volunteered to come over after work to help me with the kids..my hubby was working very late and I was SICK!  (flu and running a high temp) 

I was very grateful.....been taking care of them all day....needed a break and time to get over this flu!

So she comes over and begins her list of what I need to do......stupid me.....I thought I could just relax for a min while she was here.

First I needed to have separate towels....for everyone in the house...to try not to spread germs....good idea...but I am sick...in survival mode....just trying to keep the kids fed and diapers changed.   ANd she doesnt just say it once..like a zillion times till my head explodes

THEN!  Heaven forbid....our downstairs door wasnt LOCKED!!!!!  ANd it doesnt matter that its NOT AN OUTSIDE DOOR!!!!  It leads to our storage area which has another door to the outside that was locked...heard about that till my head was going to explode!

THEN....she told me she thought all the rooms in the house needed a fire extinguisher......WHY?   if the house is  on fire...I am going to get my kids OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!  Not fumble around with an extinguisher....so she talked about that until my head was going to explode.

Then the straw that broke the camels back....she decided the kids all needed an extra blanket on their bed.....I said..."they are fine"  I would rather them not get too hot.....I said this 4 to 5 different times.   I walk into their bedrooms a few min later....guess what BLANKETS ON THEIR BEDS ANYWAYS!!!!!   My head DID EXPLODE!

I yelled I stomped my feet until she left....

So much for the help!!!!!!   I felt worse after she left...physically and mentally b/c i had gotten so angry!

And this is NOT the only time these things happen...this type of conversation happens everytime she is around.

She is OCD and controlling! Clean freak.....and her way is the ONLY way to do things...and if you dont do it...she will talk and gripe until you give in....or just do it herself.

Am I crazy....did she overstep her bounds....how do I handle this.  I love my mother I want to ENJOY her company...not dread her!!!!!

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
edelweiss23
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:09 AM
Sounds like she overstepped!
I say start limiting contact with her and let her know you won't be hounded and bullied.
The ONLY thing she had right, is the fire extinguisher, you do need one in your house!!
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Woodbabe
by Woodie on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:13 AM
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Was she asking YOU to do all of these things or was she commenting and following through? I see she put the blankets on the beds, did she also take out and arrange separate towels, lock the door and arrange to get the fire extinguishers? As long as you were allowed to relax, let her do her thing. If she was expecting YOU to jump through hoops, that's different. Who cares if there are extra blankets on the beds, the kids will kick them off if they're not needed! LOL

I think you're sick, you don't feel well and possible you're feeling extra sensitive. But that's just according to your post. If your mom is anything like Marie from Everyone Loves Raymond, I'd want to spork her FOR you! :)

mom2three2012
by New Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:17 AM

She just gripes about them to me untill I agree with her on everything...if you ever disagree or want to do something else its hell.

The basement door for instance...she saw it was unlocked....locked it....then proceeded to gripe at me "you need to keep this locked now, this is not good, what if someone came in, check it all the time, why was it unlocked"   over and over and over and over.

She is a bit like Marie...but more about cleanliness and safety...she is paranoid something bad is going to happen.

I think she needs anxiety meds

 

MomTiara19
by Bronze Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes she needs to feel needed.

All I can say is create boundaries and give her plenty to do to keep her feeling needed and you keeping your sanity.

I lost my mom many years ago.I would give anything to have her bug the crap out of me right now.....exhale and laugh it off:)

Blessings,Tia

Woodbabe
by Woodie on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:41 AM

You poor thing. *hands over the nyquil and m&ms....*

Quoting mom2three2012:

She just gripes about them to me untill I agree with her on everything...if you ever disagree or want to do something else its hell.

The basement door for instance...she saw it was unlocked....locked it....then proceeded to gripe at me "you need to keep this locked now, this is not good, what if someone came in, check it all the time, why was it unlocked"   over and over and over and over.

She is a bit like Marie...but more about cleanliness and safety...she is paranoid something bad is going to happen.

I think she needs anxiety meds

 


 Sexy If its unladylike, fattening or fun, I'm in!
  

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Dec. 13, 2012 at 8:50 AM

Time to put your foot down without stomping it like a child.  Been there, done that.

It is your home and she needs to realize and respect how you do things in your home.  Suggestions are fine, some are even welcomed.

Unless, and until, you explain to her that, while you love her, you and your family may do things differently and you would appreciate it if she would make the attempt to respect that, she will always come in and over load you.

We can love our moms but when they take over at every turn, they are over stepping.  Sure, some things may not be worth the hassle and you let them go.  But the more you do this the more you are telling her she can continue to control.

Did she do any thing to actually help you?  Being that sick, and I hope you are feeling better, why can't your husband spend a bit more time at home and help with the kiddos and give you the time you need to actually rest?


ThatTXMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this

 When you accept someone's offer to help, you accept the way they help.  It need not be a battle.  You can say "no thanks" when an offer is made. 

IhaveHisjoy
by Silver Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:29 AM

 My mom is like that (somewhat). I finally realized I can't change her..I needed to change ME and the way I reacted to her. Now nothing she does gets my goat.

eta..hope you feel better soon!

"Our society strives to avoid any possibility of offending anyone- except God"...Billy Graham
survivorinohio
by René on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:37 AM

Hey, Hi!  Long time no see.

I agree to a point but I also think with some reasonable and rational conversation you could get through to mom.

(((((Hugs))))) to the OP and to TX!

Quoting ThatTXMom:

 When you accept someone's offer to help, you accept the way they help.  It need not be a battle.  You can say "no thanks" when an offer is made. 


How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


marissa615
by Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this

 omg, I felt like i was reading my own post...my mom is exactly the same way.  The inly difference is I start yelling and stomping right off the bat.  She drives me crazy with her butting in.  I often have to remind her that I am the mommy, and I will make the decisions for my family.  I have calmly explained to my mother that we have different parenting styles and although I know she means well, I feel she crosses a boundary.  She goes on and on about how great my DD is, I just remind her that yes my DD is great...I RAISED HER.  I am doing something right, my way and she needs to back off for the sake of our relationship. 

I totally feel what you are going through, always here to help vent :)

 

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